Need some advice or input

Not asking if this is normal or not, but I have a story to tell.

This happened when I was around 12, I am male and my female cousin was 12 also. We were staying at a relatives and she was sleeping on a pallet on the floor, on her stomach.

I had the bright idea to try to look at her under her clothes. I moved the blanket to the side, and I tried lifting the side of her panties but they were too tight.

So bright idea #2 was to pull them down, from her hips. I did it so so slowly as to not wake her up. So I proceed to rub her, spread things open and I even bent down and did a really big lick from as far down as I could get up to her butt.

She never moved a muscle. I realized I was going to get caught, so I stopped. But her panties were still down.

I grabbed them on the sides again and pulled them up, and all sudden like she started getting up :o

she was turning around to see what was going on and I... sitting up.. pretended to be asleep. Right beside her. I sat there, with my eyes as tight as I could, waiting for her to yell outloud.

She layed back down, covered up and didnt say a word. I waited awhile, got up, and went to bed.

I was terrified. I knew the next morning was going to be a rough one, hell the next week month year.

I woke up the next day, and nothing happened. Everything was normal, she didn't act different or anything.

Years later something was said by a relative that made me think (know) she told someone eventually, or maybe did that day. I just blew it off and said I didn't know what they were talking about.

So this day she hasn't said anything to me about it. We don't see each other much because of distance, but we get along when we do see each other. I'm wondering sometimes what she's thinking when she's talking to me.

Anyway, getting ahead of myself. There was another incident when we were 16. She was on the couch asleep, I snuck over and pulled the sheet back, and she was wearing adult panties this time. I lifted the top up, and looked at her full bush for a minute, rubbed the top for a few seconds. I remembered the previous time and didn't want to press my luck, so I went to bed.

Ive had a lot of time to think about what happened when we were 12. I think maybe she was awake as soon as I pulled her panties down, and she just wanted to see what I was up to.

Or maybe I did wake her up when I pulled her panties back up, pretending to be asleep was stupid but did she buy it? At least at the time, then realize later how stupid her cousin looked sleeping while sitting up, on the floor?

I just don't know. I'm leaning towards that is when she woke up, she didn't feel any certain things I did so she didn't freak out and cause me to get my ass beat the next day, but later on she probably told her mom who probably said "I bet he was touching you" or something.

No one has ever said to me "You did something to SoAndSo" but I know she said something to someone.

Hmm.