Need advice about a guy

18% Normal
4 Comments

Ive spoken about this guy before on here but im still having issues. He was my
first proper boyfriend and i lost my virginity to him last sept. I was 25 and he
was 28. We were together for around five months i know it doesnt sound long but
i fell for him very quickly. But just before xmas he started to change and was
like really cold with me, making excuses to cone and see me. And when we did it
was like he just wanted sex then went home. Im a really shy girl and very
insecure. I kept asking if everything was ok and he just kept saying yes and
that i was worrying about nothing. We met up jus after xmas to go shopping and i
could see something was wrong. We kissed and said goodbye as normal. That same
week i tx and phoned him and he just ignored me for 3 whole weeks. I was
absolutly distraught and heart broken. I was signed off work for depression too.
After the 3 weeks he tx saying how sorry he was and that he had been having a
breakdown at home and couldnt tell me. He got back in contact in early feb. Its
now April and im still so unhappy, i miss and still love him so mych. He txs
quite often and it really upsets me. He is always saying he will never do it
again. But im just stuck in the middle. Part of me is desparate to go back and
forgive but then the ither part of me is petrified hes going to do it again and
i couldnt take being that hurt again. And i dont know if what hes told me about
why he didnt contact me is true, he said there was no one else but i just dont
no. He is always saying he loves me and that hes broken without me and asks if i
still love him. But i keep thinking is this some kind of game that hes playing
coz he knows im shy and weak and hes just saying all the things that he knows i
want to here so i will eventually come running back. Sorry for rambling on, im
just so stuck and dont no what to do x
PS. Weve sometimes spoken about if it would be best if we didnt talk at all, but the thought of never talking to him or seeing him again kills me. We have both said we still want to talk, and ive said about trying to stay friends, even though we would both want more, but i just cant go there just yet, but will see what happens in the future x

Voting Results
18% Normal
Based on 11 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • myshkintheidiot
    12 years ago

    hi, well i think that the problem here is that your with someone who can easily manipulate you... there is certainly a lack of communication, when i first started dating and having sex, there was no intimacy, sounds like there isn't any... he needs to speak to you on an intimate level, if he is slipping in and out for sex then it has become largely a physical thing... i have been in those relationships too, i can tell you that he will probably realize he needs someone who is more on his level, you seem to be at odds and he may be hanging on just in case he wants a nut and feels he can get away with it without hurting you too bad, perhaps he wants to believe that it doesnt effect you as much as it does, like you said you are shy so you probably aren't confrontational about it... if guys and girls are similiar then you and i are in the same situation, i love her, but she lives a plane ride away, and only talks to me if i can be super positive and happy, she sees into me, but i never feel good enough, but at the same time i feel she would commit if i had a really good plan and was ready to make a commitment, maybe its me, but either way its not working.

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  • SammyX
    12 years ago

    I only started to feel insecure though when i felt like he had changed. Before that i was ok. It was because he would never tell me about his day. Or silly things like i would ask if he wanted to go see a film n he would say o i saw that last week. It was things like that that made me start to feel insecure, because i keep thinking why didnt he tell me. I still dont no what to do, im not sure if hes being truely honest with me. Havent heard from him for a couple of days, maybe for the best, however much ild love to talk to him x

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  • thegift
    12 years ago

    He's a coward and a bitch for not being upfront with you.

    You deserve better.

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  • LunaLaFortuna
    12 years ago

    hi, you already know what the problem is - your own insecurity. It is impossible to love someone who is insecure. I had the same problem with a guy once whom I dearly loved at first but his insecurity killed it for me. He was 9 years younger and worshipped the ground I walked on but was very clingy and needed so much reassurance it had put me off - it had just felt weird to me, because he was an amazing artist, very intelligent, on the same page as me on many levels and pretty good in bed, but.... insecurity is a real turn off. I left him and he was heartbroken and it was sad, but you can not force something if you don't feel it for someone any more.

    The key to being confident is doing something you love, outside of your relationship and the more you do it the better you get at it, so your confidence and appreciation of self grows naturally. Confidence is extremely sexy as we all want to better ourselves by associating with better people, it's natural, it's evolution and progress that is programmed in all of us. Some weak-looking or even physically maimed people can be very strong inside and hold onto their beliefs that's why they are in loving relationships because their inner strength and self-respect is very attractive.

    Every good relationship is based respect and friendship and you wouldn't dream of being insecure with your friend would you? That would be weird.

    all the best!
    and good luck!

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