Mystery of the ages....

22 Comments

How the hell do Batman and Superman pee?

How does Wolverine wipe? And how does he pee?

Their costumes are far too tight to suggest they are using a catheter or colostomy bag and there's no trapdoor on the rear or opening on the front.

There's no way a man can be a superhero if he has to piss like a racehorse. And if a villain saw him pee his pants, he'd never live it down. He'd no longer be so 'super'.

This is why I just can't get behind the whole superhero thing. It doesn't add up.

I can answer your questions (comment!) 7
Excellent question, you have boggled my mind! 14
Thanks, dick. Now I hate comics. 7
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Comments ( 22 )
  • AssBurgers
    11 years ago | pl

    I don't know, maybe they take their costumes off??

    ¬_¬

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    Batman waits til he's in the batcave to drop his guano. Superman wears super diapers and poor wolverine has several butt cracks from his first wiping attempt. Shiva assists him now.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      That's another thing that's unfair about this world. Why do bats get a special cool name for their poop? It's fucking POOP, that's it, it's SHIT, yet we have to call it guano. I'm so sick of this shit. I'm on the brink of insanity right now if you can't tell. Gaddamn bats and their fancy poop.

      I had a bat problem in my barn once, they'd be all swooping down right over my head, it was creepy. I took care of it though, I got a tennis racket and whacked them with it, got em all eventually.

      What am I even talking about? I should probably go lie down for a bit.

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      • dirtybirdy
        11 years ago

        Does catwoman go in a litter box? I wonder....

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          See, there's a whole can of worms that's been opened here and I'm sure we'll never find the answers. I'm seriously thinking of going to a comic con to get to the bottom of this because those people are passionate and I'm sure they'd have some explanations. Of course, I'll probably get my ass chewed out for asking a Batman lover about Wolverine due to some conflict or whatever that I don't know about, I know there's all sorts of silly rules with comics, you're not allowed to like certain guys if you like Batman or Superman or whatever.

          I have no idea who to dress up as though. Ease of urination will be a priority when choosing a character.

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          • dirtybirdy
            11 years ago

            Just wear a cape with everyone's logo on it. Just a cape. Problem solved. You would certainly be my hero of you did :D

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  • TerryVie
    11 years ago

    Well, Superman is pretty obvious: He's wearing those underpants OVER his normal costume. Guess what: There's a opening below those pants, so he can pee anytime by pulling down his underpants and fetching out his superdick.

    As for Batman, he supposedly had martial arts training in asia(ninjutsu-stuff...which includes laying in wait a long time), plus time spend in india(ascetic practices from gurus) and, most important: He spent prison time there. If you are used to western sanitary standards of a mansion, you learn to hold it in and control your bodily function quite well in an indian country prison. So yeah, he easily goes once in the batcave before suiting up, then spends the night, and goes again in the morning before going to sleep.

    As for Wolverine: I was under the impression he could retract those fangs? If the comic version of him cannot retract them, the helper monkey sounds pretty spot-on.
    Other options include having a fan-girl do it for him(she can also take care of his sexual tension then when he dropped his pants already...considering his amount of testosterone-), or, another pretty likely option: His body is highly regenerative, so it's quite likely his metabolism changed a lot too. I am not talking about him not taking a dump and instead sweating it out, but the consistency of his "drops" could be that of stone, after a LOT more was taken out than "usual". Such a shitstone would not require "wiping" after it's out.

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    • Failedcasanova
      11 years ago

      Not to nitpick but wolverine has claws not fangs. And you were correct when you said they are retractable.

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      • TerryVie
        11 years ago

        Haha, thats what you get when you post sleep-deprived :) Thanks, yes, claws of course. Fangs are for vampires ^_^

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        • Failedcasanova
          11 years ago

          Indeed. Although some of the funniest moments and best inside jokes come from sleep deprivation.

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          • chewy
            11 years ago

            We never chat anymore.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    Wolverine has a helper monkey to wipe for him.

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  • ClaireM
    7 years ago

    Answer: they don't do either. As superheroes, they have no need to like us mortals. Or they hold it for ages till they feel like they're either going to pass out/die from the pain, which accounts for their quick reactions, with lots of groaning & rippling of muscles, & their odd ways of talking when in mid-crisis “must....save (loud groan)____ uhhh”. They have to go, so they'd better get people saved pdq!!

    re women helping them – assisting both needs at same time = not good.

    As for their tight costumes, you can wear those while on either bag if you want if you position said bag(s) differently.

    Sources: graphic novel obsessive now peeing in bag, thus ending an eternity of horrible pain.

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  • diaperwolf21
    11 years ago

    My guess, All 3 use the bathroom like everyone else. Bruce Wayne had a mansion with plenty of restrooms. Clark had the restroom at work, and wolverine has the restrooms at the academy.

    But for Wolverine, Im a bit cautious, he just might accidentally pull a claw out and cut something very vitale.

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  • anti-hero
    11 years ago

    Ask Neuro, she is Batman.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    thats what the capes for, instant ensuite

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  • OswaldCobblepot
    11 years ago

    How do you pee when you're wearing clothes?

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  • EndlessSuffering
    11 years ago

    They tuck it in.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    Batman and Superman are not always in their Super Hero costume! So I guess they pee before a mission. And Wolverine doesn't shit!

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  • howaminotmyself
    11 years ago

    It must be one of their super powers. The ability to hold their pee for long periods of time.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Even if that were true, there's still the question of how Wolverine wipes. If I were him I'd be pretty nervous about taking a whiz too, something might get severed.

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      • howaminotmyself
        11 years ago

        I'm now concerned for edward scissorhands. However hands aren't abosolutely necessary for peeing. Animals don't need them. But they lick their own ass and that kind of ruins the imagery of your superhero.

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