My soul is broken

I don’t know how to start this but I feel, a bit lost I guess? I have many things wrong with me, and I feel now very emotional. Just warning you I will be talking about random things and it may not make sense, but I will try putting everything in words the best i can. So first I have an awkward confession. I think I’m starting to fall for my cousin. It seems so messed up but I can’t help it. He is so nice and we relate but he has no knowledge of me liking him. I will never tell my feelings. I just know he will hate me if I ever confess this to my cousin. I try getting over him but progress is made but then broken back to square one. I also like someone else yet I know I got no chance. I just feel so lost about this and know no one will ever love me. I know I will be left in the streets of love like a homeless person. I will never be normal. Also, I’m ugly. I know I am. I got acne and I wear my hair down all the time and am to shy or something to try something new and I bet my friends will hate any hair style I try pulling off. Also I seem to have very few friends who care for me. I sit with a good friend on the bus and we talk. But when at any class, she full out never talks to me. It’s as if I’m only there to keep her company on the bus, but when she has other friends, I am of no need to her. And all my closer friends judged the hair style I showed a picture of to them. And my good friend seems to be losing connection with me. We don’t talk as much and I feel embarrassed calling her, thinking she things I’m annoying and won’t leave her alone. And I really wanna go camping yet I can’t at the moment. I’m going insane for some nature and peace but NO! Idk anymore I know there is more wrong with me and this wasn’t even the beginning. Idc if u judge me since i seem to have no more care at the moment since it wouldn’t matter to anyone if I was here or not. And what really makes me wanna end it all is in 100 years, no one will know who I am and I will be thought of by anyone who somehow knows me as an average everyday human that lived an average life with no purpose. I just don’t know as this point.

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Comments ( 6 )
  • Can't blame you, my soul would be broken too if I had friends who think hair is the most important part of a human being and then typed novels about them on IIN.

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  • Ahh high school.

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  • e51pegasi

    Your soul may be broken, that large body of text you posted above this is not.

    I'm sure when I was a youth this was called teenage angst. Nobody gave a fuck then & I certainly don't now.

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  • Emokate

    I feel for you, I know it's really hard but your soul isn't broken. I have a friend like you deacribed that only talks to me outside of school. It sucks.

    Just hang in there. You have to believe it will get better. I have days where I wanna say screw it too and they are sooo hard. Just go easy on yourself. I am sure you are a wonderful person and people will eventually see that.

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    • Thank you for showing support like this. It will help me alot

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      • Alichael

        I agree. Your soul is not broken. If it was, you wouldn't have cared to have posted your question on this page.

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