My second cousin and i

first of all sorry that it is all in caps. MY SECOND COUSIN AND I WERE NEVER CLOSE AT ALL ,WE WOULD HAVE SMALL CONVERSATIONS LIKE HI AND BYE NOT REALLY MUCH. BUT IM REALLY CLOSE WITH HIS BROTHER, WERE LIKE BESTFRIENDS AND WHEN I WAS YOUNGER IVE ALWAYS HAVE MIXED FEELINGS FOR THE BROTHER THE ONE IM REALLY CLOSE TO AND HIS NAME IS GARBIEL AND THE ONE I AM NOT CLOSE TO IS NAME JUNIOR AKA I CALL HIM GOOFY. LAST YEAR IN NOVEMBER GARIBEL WASNT DOWN IN THE VALLEY AND HE HAD CALLED ME THROUGH HIS MOM PHONE, HIS MOM HAD PASTED THE PHONE TO ME BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TALK TO ME. I WANTED TO GO UP THERE AND SEE HIM SO I HAD ASKED MY MOM IF I CAN GO WITH JUNIOR TO PALMDALE CAUSE THAT IS WERE GARIBIEL IS RIGHT NOW.I REALLY WANT TO SEE HIM SINCE HE DIDNT COME DOWN WITH HIS MOM AND JUNIOR, SO SHE SAID SURE. I HAD ASKED JUNIOR IF HE WAS WILLING TO TAKE ME UP THERE WITH THEM AND BRING ME BACK SUNDAY. HE SAID SURE. I HAD ASKED HIM IF HE CAN TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE HE SAID OF COURSE I CAN AND WHEN WE WERE LEAVING HE WAS TELLING ME WHAT NOT TO DO AND WHAT I CAN DO ON THE ROAD BUT HE DDNT LET ME DRIVE YET LOL . ALSO MY TIO WAS IN THE BACK OF THE SEAT WITH US IN THE CAR. WHEN WE GOT THERE TO HIS HOUSE, I SAW AND I WAS SOOOO HAPPY HE WAS THERE. WE HAD ATE SOME FOOD . GABRIEL. AFTER WE ATE, I HAD CHANGE INTO TO A DIFFERENT SWEATER THAT WAS MUCH THICKER BECAUSE IT WAS COLD UP THERE AND THE SWEATER I HAD ON WAS REALLY THIN. BUT I HAD A TANK TOP UNDER MY SWEATER AND USALLY I DONT LIKE WEARING ANY CLOTHES UNDER MY SWEATERS BECAUSE IT IS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. THEY BOTH SAID WHOA AND I HAD TOLD THEM ITS NOT LIKE IM SHOWING YOU MY BOOBS AND STUFF , THEY HAD LAUGHED. GARIBEL HAD WENT INTO THE ROOM TO PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES AND CLOSED THE DOOR. WHILE ME AND JUNIOR STAYED OUTSIDE IN THE LIVING ROOM TO WATCH A MOVIE . JUNIOR was asking lots of questions like if I'm a virgin? do I smoke AND drink? what bra size? and I thought it was normal. And they he started touching my boobs, NOT INSIDE BUT ON TOP OF MY SWEATER and I thought he wasn't touching it like IF he was meaning it so I didn't really care then he went inside my SWEATER WHERE NOW IT WAS MY SHIRT THST HE WAS TOUCHING and I still didn't think he was touching it like if he was meaning it . Cause I was thinking like way me and MY OTHER COUSIN DO THAT BUT PLAY AROUND BUT THEN AGAIN THERE ALL GIRLS AND HE IS A GUY , BUT I STILL DIDNT CARE.Buuuut Then he put my hand On hIS dick and I didn't grab it I just laid IT there cause I thought he moved it there cause HE WAS FIXING SOMETING, I DONT KNOW I WASNT THINKINH BUT I DIDNT THINK HE WAS DOOING ANYTHING SEXUAL, then he asked if I was cold so he went to go get a blanket then WHEN HE CAME BACK HE PUT THE COVERS ON TOP OF ME AND he got On my knees, HE HAD LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES AND SAID DONT TELL ANYONE. HE started kissing me n I didn't kiss back cause I know it was wrong then he made me touch his thingy and this time he took it out of his pants then he asked let's have sex and I said what ?! And he said I have a condom and I was scared Cause I knew he was already going to far so I said SAID FINE SO HE WENT TO GO GET IT AND WHEN HE GOT BACK HE WAS ON TOP AND I WAS ON BOTTOM BUT THEN IT WAS HARD TO HAVE SEX LIKE THAT SO WE CHANGED POSTIONS WHERE I WAS FACING THE COUCH BENDING OVER AND HE WAS HITTING FROM THE BACK AND WHEN HE WAS DONE HE WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND I STAYED THERE I WAS SCAED AND WHEN HE CAME BACK HE ASKED IF I WAS OKAY AND I SAID YEAH AND THEN HE TOLD ME TO GIVE HIM HEAD SO I DID I WAS SCARED TO SAY NO. THEN I DIDNT LIKE THAT SO I STOP AND THEN A COUPLE MINTUES LATER GARBIEL CAME OUT AND JUNIOR LEFT CAUSE HE WAS TIRED. SO THEN GABRIEL CAME AND THEN WE WERE CUDDLE BUT I NEVER TOOK IT THAT WAY BECAUSE I KNOW HE LIKES SOME OTHER GIRL AND IM HIS CLOSE COUSIN. SO WE LAID ON THE COUCH REALLY CLOSE AND THEN HE STARTED TO TEASE ME AND I SAID I DONT LIKE BEING TEASED AND HE WAS LIKE LEMMR SHOW U HOW I DO IT AND SO I LET HIM AS LONG AS NOTHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN SO HE WAS DOING HIS THING AND THEN HE STARTED TO ALLMOST PULL MY SWEATS DOWN AND I SAID NO (SOMETIMES TILL THIS DAY I REGRET SAYING NO TO HIM AND YES TO HIS BROTHER). HE SAID I WAS JUST GOING TO EAT YOU OUT SINCE I DONT HAVE A CONDOM AND I SAID OKAY. BUT WE STILL DIDNT DO IT. THEN HE WAS TELLING ME HE HAD FEELING FOR ME AND THAT I GIVE HIM MIXED FEELINGS AND I WAS OKAY WITH IT. HIM TELLINGME THAT WASNT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING WIHT ME AND HIM BUT THEN THE NEXT DAY JUNIOR NEVER BROUGHT UP WHAT HAPPEN THAT DAY OR THE NEXT DAY UNTILL I SAW THEM THANKSGIVNG. I HAD CAME UP THERE AND STAYED THERE FOR THE WEEKEND. ME JUNIOR AND GABRIEL AND MY OTHER COUSIN EVELIA=NA WAS HANGING OUT. EVELINA NOTICED JUNIOR TOUCHING ME ALOT AND I STAYED QUIET. I HAD TOLD HER WE ARE JUST PLAYING AROUND. ME AND JUNIOR WANTED TO GO TO SEVEN 11 TO GET SOME SNACKS AND WE DID. WE HAD MADE A QUCIK TURN INTO A PARKING LOT. ONLY BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE. AFTER WE WERE DOWN WITH OUR LESSON WE HAD SWITCHED SPOTS. JUNIOR HAD KISSED ME FIRST. WHEN WE WERE ALONE IN THE NIGHT WE HAD SEX THAT DAY AS WELL AND THE NEXT DAY AND THEN IN THE MORING , ON THE DRIVE HOME WE TALKED ABOUT IT. THEN CHRITSMAS I WAS THERE FOR 4 DAYS ,WE HAD SEX THEN NEWYEARS. I STAYED FOR 5 DAYS AND WE HAD SEX AND THEN WE BASCIALLY HAVE SEX EVERYDAY WE SEE EACH OTHER WE HAD SEX IN MY HOUSE ONCE HAD SEX IN THE CAR A COUPLE TIMES AND HAD SEX AT HIS HOUSE ALL THE TIME IVE BEEN THERE. ITS A REALLY BAD HABBIT AND HE HAS DONE THIS BEFORE WITH ANOTHER COUSIN AS WELL BUT WAAAAAY BACK THEN. THEY ONLY STOPED BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE SOMETHING MORE AND HE DIDNT SO IM SCARED TO TELL HIM THE WAY I FEEL CAUSE IM REALLY FALLING FOR THIS GUY AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HES BEEN ALSO TALKING, WELL TRYING TO GET AT THIS GIRL FOR 3 YEARS AND HE TALKS ABOUT BUT I ATTEND TO GET MAD BUT NOT SHOW IT .BUT TO BRING IT UP A BIT HE SAID IF ONE OF US HAVE A BF/GF WE CANT DO WHAT WE DO CAUSE HE AGAINST CHEATING AND ALL THAT STUFF AND TO BRING IT DOWN AGAIN HE ALSO ALLMOST HAD SEX WITH MY OLDER SISTER BUT HE SAID NO TO HER BUT HE DIDNT KNOW FOR WHAT REASON AND HE TOLD ME ONCE IF HE EVER GOT THE CHANCE AGAIN TO HAVE SEX WITH HER HE WOULD TAKE THE CHANCE AND THAT BRINGS ME DOWN SOOOOO YEAH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO STOP TALKING TO HIM OR STOP WHAT WERE STILL DOING ? AND HE IS 21 AND I AM 15 and this has been going on for 4 months already going on to 5 months help me please