My parents force me to be feminine

I’m a kind of masculine girl, I’ve always been. And my parents are trying to force me to become feminine by telling me “i look pretty in dresses” and telling me to fix my hair, sometimes when i want to go a place, they tell me to “fix” my hair or else i won’t go.(i always wear a ponytail).
They try to buy me “pretty clothes” and make me wear them. This makes me feel really uncomfortable. Im not comfortable “fixing my hair” or wearing “pretty clothes”. Im not even fully comfortable being masculine, but its the best choice. I think people talk behind my back because of my clothes. Sometimes i find an excuse to not go out,..because i don’t know what to show the world outside who i am. Maybe i don’t know who i am.. what should i do? What can i do? Please give me some suggestions. Thanks.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 13 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • You don't say how old you are: if you're old enough get away from these stupid parents, if not and they're financially supporting you, you don't have much choice but to go along with their nonsense.

    There's not a thing wrong with you and your parents shouldn't be trying to force you into the stereotype they feel comfortable with. I doubt if people are talking about how you dress but with parents like yours it's understandable you'd be somewhat self conscious.

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  • I think your parents insist on you to be more traditional. They did not appear to push you into indecency as some people here assumed. I think it's not entirely true when people here tell you to be yourself all the time. Sometimes we need to be pushed and all this rebellion isn't always beneficial. However, you seem to be happy in your way and you don't hurt anybody, especially yourself, so I think you should have a dead serious talk to your parents about this, and put a lot of pressure on them to understand that they are making you feel uncomfortable against your own will and good, so it's a waste of time, energy and good mood for you all. If this won't work at all after insisting as much as possible, consider reducing the contact with them if possible, as a sign of resistance. This can be manifested in many ways, depending on your power. Best of luck.

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  • I think that you should move out and be on your own and do what you want to do, the way you want to do it.

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  • Next time they say you can't go with them because you want a ponytail, then say "okay I won't go, then."

    Stand up for yourself. eventually they're going to get tired of nagging you and let you do what you want.

    My mother never stopped me from being a tomboy. I wore men's clothes because I didn't like the stares I got from boys once I started developing if you know what I mean. men's clothes are loose and comfortable and I could get dirty in them without feeling guilty because they didn't cost $60 for a single shirt.

    I'm an adult now and I can't wear makeup and I don't own a single dress, and I NEVER style my hair- but my husband loves me anyway.

    You need to expect people to accept you how you are, and if they don't it's none of your business. Don't let other people's opinions bother you.

    And don't let other people live your life for you!

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  • I think your parents are being bad parents. You should do you and with more freedom to be yourself you would be able to figure out yourself easier. I suggest you keep doing you. I find strangers really don't care much about other strangers especially for something like this that is more common than you think. If you don't feel comfortable being masculine then don't be masculine. If you don't feel comfortable being feminine than don't be. Wear what you want, when you want to, and when when you can. Things like this can take time to figure out. Some people are middle aged before they even figure themselves out and some people let others bring them down and the leave this earth being someone they aren't. Once you reach a point in your life where your parents can't control you you should always no matter what be yourself. At least what you feel in your heart is right.

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  • I'm the same way. I've always hated to dress up. My mom was always trying to get me to go shopping for clothes, and it's so boring! So I know how you feel.

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  • That's too bad about your parents. They're dumb. You can only be you, and you know what makes you feel best.

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  • You're probably a child, and I know it sucks but your parents basically use you to make themselves proud when you are a child. my parents were like that too. They can't watch you forever, though. Have you tried things more towards the middle - tshirts, jeans, unisex type of shoes, no makeup, etc.? Even if it has to be when they aren't looking. Being masculine is a state of mind, anyway - it's not necessarily about appearance.

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  • Parents, huh? What can you say?

    Most parents of a daughter freak out because she spends an hour in the shower and another two hours putting on makeup and doing her hair, then wants to go out wearing a skirt so short that the underside of her butt-cheeks are showing and a top so skimpy that most of her boobs are on display. Yours are apparently pressuring you to put more of your body on show for all the world to see. Are they desperate for you to get together with some guy and move out?

    It sounds to me like your parents have a very clear idea of what a perfect daughter looks and acts like. As the father of a daughter, I think it's pretty stupid for parents to treat their children as extensions of themselves, or to try to force them to act like living dolls that are dressed up perfectly. I want my daughter to feel comfortable, and that means she can wear whatever she pleases. Maybe your parents are too dim to understand that what they're doing is setting themselves up for a classic alienated child situation.

    You don't say how old you are, but if you're a teen and you have to live at home, then maybe you could try for a compromise just to keep the tensions in the house to a minimum.

    You could consider buying or borrowing a ridiculously skimpy outfit (that you'd never wear in public in a million years), model it for your parents, and ask if they'd prefer you to dress like that. That might make them reconsider their opposition to how you dress now.

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  • Just want to say that it's perfectly fine to not know who you are, or who you want to be. You don't have to have all that figured out yet. You don't even have to Ever have it figured out, really. I don't think so.

    Ideally, your parents should just let you wear what's comfortable. But you can't stop them being dicks - I mean, what's wrong with a ponytail anyway? It's "feminine" isn't it?
    If you're a teenager, you'r parents are going to be dicks though, it just happens.

    But anyway, eventually this won't be a problem. So, you could consider compromising unless it truly repulses you. Depends how strongly you feel about it, I guess.
    You could prepare some arguments, write them down and present them to your parents. Outline why they should stop interfering with your dress options.
    Personal freedom and choice (as long as it's not too risque or inappropriate) would be my main point, if it were me.

    But I don't think you should feel you have to define yourself right now. If they want you to be feminine, that's their trip. But it doesn't obligate you to have to decide to be "this" or "that" in response.

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  • Find a hot guy and have sex with him

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