My mother's ashamed of me.

Sorry this is so long, it's just I'm really comtemplating not good things right now. (Not suicide, don't worry)

I'm 17, and a senior in 4th quarter.

My parents haven't exactly had the best track record with their kids, my other brother ran away after he got caught with drugs and doesn't talk with our family, and my sister is 22, lives at home, is not in school, and doesn't drive. So when I was doing well in school up to 8th grade and excelling in sports, everything was GREAT I was like their poster child. I was PROOF that it hadn't been their parenting but but just a series of "bad eggs" I suppose. But I'm sliding down the same path of disappointment (in their eyes, well my mothers.)

I feel bad tha their kids havent been able to make them proud. But I have ADHD, lived through my brother running away, my sister HATING me until I was about 14, and my parents being alcoholics for roughly 3 years. (They're better now, but my moms starting to slip back.) And I know those might all seem minor, but not to me I suppose. I've always felt this pressure on me to be the one who was better off from what they've done for me, because my siblings weren't able to make he best of it. And while I'm disappointed the don't think I've benefited from what they've done for me, I really feel as if though I have.

Anyways, ever since highschool I've struggled with grades and it's put an obvious strain on me and my mothers relationship. We don't really talk anymore, anytime we do, it will quickly escalate into an argument or one of us yelling at the other. But I've managed to make it to senior year just waiting until after highschool to just get the chance to heal my relationship with my mother. But she seems to find problems with everything I do, no matter how hard I try to make her happy.
My grades slipped this last quarter and I'm at serious risk of failing my senior year. So I decided to ask my guidance counselor if we could have a meeting with my teacher and my mom on a plan for me to pass highschool. I thought the meeting went over great. But my mom didn't say a single word to me when I hugged her after or when she left the school. When I got home she pulled me out of my soccer club (the only thing I really try in) and started yelling at me. She told me she cried the whole way to work, and that I ashamed her and made her look stupid in front of all of my teachers and she was upset I didn't apologize, before I could begin to explain my self and apologize she yelled at me to leave and told me she doesn't even want to look at me.

I'm really sad because family and friends are the reasons I do the things I do. She thinks I don't appreciate all the things she does for me, just because I don't get good grades. She thinks I don't care about anything but she just doesn't understand money truly isn't what makes me happy and motivates me, I mean obviously I'll have a job with hopefully a decent income. But I won't put money over my passions and she just can't seem to grasp this idea. My sister haven't EVEN looked Into applying to a school yet she is requiring me to be in school after I graduate highschool or she's kicking me out. I just don't understand why it seems she thinks I'm so unappreciative, disrespectful, and just a bad person in general.

If ou had the heart and time to read that out, I really REALL appreciate it. I just had to vent I guess...