My mom keeps forcing heteronormative bs on me

My mom keeps forcing heteronormative bs on me! She makes me feel like shit saying things like there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to be this “ideal daughter”. Like it’s my life! It’s up to me how I act and how I express myself. she’s basically invalidating me and everything I stand for. Then turns around to question why I never want to talk to her or be around her.

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29% Normal
Based on 21 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 23 )
  • AdkaHere

    Never heard of or heteronormative word before 😄 you just can't easily say straight, huh?

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    • Ascelin

      Heteronormativity is the idea that being "straight" is normal and everybody that isn't "straight" is dysfunctional for it. So "straight" wouldn't apply here. (The word straight is in quotations because in psychology it's generally agreed upon that only a very small portion of the population is 100% heterosexual, especially in cultures that don't have a historical disdain for homosexuality. Most psychologists and sociologists agree that sexuality is a spectrum with the vast majority of the population not perfectly on one side or the other)

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      • AdkaHere

        Oh ok

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  • Ugh! I hate it when parents do this. Unless we do something that’s harmful to our self or others, I don’t get why they have to expect us to be a certain way.

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  • _Mehhhh_

    At least she hasn't disowned you or is actually like abusing you.

    Sometimes soft-conservative parents just need to go through the motions a little. By that I mean seeing you consistently stick to your guns as LGBT, so they can realise it's just who you are and that you're not changing. My parents were like that about me being gay.

    Give it some time. I know it's hard but it might have been a surprise that they have to get used to.

    (Also I have politically incorrect opinions about this word "heteronormative", but this isn't the post)

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  • Shackleford96

    What do you mean by "heteronormative" lol. Feel like you just made that word up, haha.

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    • _Mehhhh_

      Basically people who consider being straight "normal"

      (Because it is. I can concede that even as a gay man. Straight people are the vast majority statistically, there's nothing wrong with seeing it as like the "default").

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      • Orphan

        It's not a default because not everyone is heterosexual. It's exclusive to say that

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    • It’s a word found in Wikipedia, the dictionary of the seminormative.

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  • e51pegasi

    Am I right in thinking that you are a malcontent lesbian & she was expecting a straight daughter with a husband, kids & the rest of it?

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  • Questions like this are why millenials are going nowhere.

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  • Dustyair

    haha! """Heteronormative BS""", it just keeps getting dumber and dumber out there.

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    • Ascelin

      Says the genius that can't use quotation marks.

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    • And you are proof positive of that!

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  • Orphan

    F*ck that bitch

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  • Ascelin

    I would confront her on it, if I were you. I'm a confrontational person anyways, but I feel like in this situation it might be the only way to get her to shut up about it. Ask her what her problem is with it (and by extension, with you) and if she understands how that makes you feel. I normally wouldn't go for the touchy feely route but in this case I think it could be an effective method of giving her a guilt trip and making her feel bad about it. I would say something along the lines of "are you trying to make me feel like shit, because you're doing a great job if you are" and, "I was hoping that you would be supportive, but all you've done is make me feel worse about it and even more insecure than I already was". But for this to be effective you need to sound genuinely hurt by her feelings about it, which I imagine won't be hard considering that it really can be hurtful. You could also throw in something about how you wish you'd stayed in the closet because of her. This approach may be a bit manipulative but it could really help, depending on what kind of person she is. Best of luck, give us updates please!

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  • Ummitsme

    It totally depends on your age. Sexuality develops throughout childhood, through the adolescent years and into adulthood. Ideally parents wouldn't encourage ANYTHING other than pure love and support through these formative years. It is hard for parents, or people in general, not to project their own values on their children though. Heteronorms biologically and socially have the easiest avenue for a happy family.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Damn, I'm sorry you're going through this problem! My stupid ex's sister and brother-in-law did that bullshit with their one daughter who is lesbian. I never got to talk too much to his sister about it, but I think it was very invalidating and has fucked her up a lot. They were basically telling her that all that mattered about her was
    her femininity and sexual persuasion by focusing so much on such a small part of who she is. She's kinda butch, and doesn't seem to care about anything, but her lovelife. However, I think her parents caused her to turn out that way. It's sad.

    I sincerely hope with all my heart and soul that you are doing well! No one should be so narrowly defined as be defined only by his or her, sexual preference, conformation to gender roles and relationship status. Don't let them break you, and remember that you are more than what they see or think you are!

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  • Parents. However, you haven't given her side or direct quotes from her, so I don't know who's in the wrong.

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  • How is that hetero normative?

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  • YamaMayaNyaa

    Oh lord..grow up a little bit and realise how foolish you sound..

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  • TheTypsySaiIor

    If you are under 14 you don't belong on this site. If you are over 14 your post is nonsense and you need to grow up and shut up.

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    • Ascelin

      Could you please elaborate on this? Because this is actually a fairly common issue in the lgbtq community and is considered to be one of the primary reasons that the lgbtq community has such a disproportionate number of suicides. Suicides aren't to be taken lightly in my opinion, especially considering that in 2010 the number of teens that killed themselves passed the number killed in car crashes, according to the cdc. So I'd argue that people that aren't helpful (or bright enough to comment on the subject, for that matter) should avoid commenting on these types of issues.

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