My mom just doesn't care

I've had endometriosis for the last few years & in that time,I've had 2 surgeries & 1 treatment.It's come back & now I'm scheduled to have surgery next month.I called my family & friends,& I text them to remind them of the date.Today I get a phone call from my mom asking me when my surgery is.I told her November 20th,& she said she thought it was the week after T'giving. I told her that I had told her it was the 20th b/c she got upset that I wouldn't be home for T'giving. She said she doesn't remember me saying that & kept repeating that I didn't tell her.I then asked her the purpose of her call& she said it was bc my older sister,whom I no longer speak to, wants her to come for that week to take care of her kids so she can go out of town. I figured this call would come. 2 years ago I had this surgery,& my mom left me to go be with my sister after she gave birth to her 3rd child.No matter that she has a husband & close friends around. I had my boyfriend. He took off work to go w/me to my surgery bc my mom said that she couldn't take anymore time off. So he brought me home from the hospital, stayed thru the weekend,& then had to go back to work. My endo was so bad I couldn't sit up straight,& when I had to get off the bed, I had to roll.My mom left, my dad was so into his tv,& my sister was drunk, I had to go to the bathroom &I had to roll onto the floor & crawl to the bathroom. I wasn't mad at my boyfriend,he wanted to be there, but he is the only one paying his bills & needed the money. My mother should have been there. I told her about the surgery weeks before. Anytime I was hungry or thirsty I had to go up &down the stairs just to get something, no one brought anything to me. They thought I was better b/c I could get up on my own when in reality, it only ruined the healing process, I was in more pain than ever b/c the stitches were ripping from going up and down the stairs. I never forgave my family.So my mom is going back to my sisters. She acts like she didn't know the date of my surgery, but I told her not to worry ab it b/c I didn't think I could depend on her anyways. My boyfriend is taking me & luckily we live together so I don't have to worry about being alone. I also told her that his mom & sister were taking off from work & school to come take care of me.It seemed like she wanted to sound like she felt guilty, but then she sounded more like she was hoping I didn't need her so it wouldn't be a big deal. Either way I'm tired of her. I wish I had a better mother. My future mother in law is more caring than her, my mom only cares about the approval and attention she gets from my other brother and sisters. I'm so tired of it. Therapy would never heal all this drama.....does anyone else have a selfish mother like this? Always there for the other kids? Not you?

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Based on 105 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • lonely9

    i'm going through the same thing honey . . like my mom always would tell me growing up she hates me cause i remind her of my dad (there not together anymore) and yes, i am more like him than my little sister but i can't help it !! it's a personality thing. girl, i even moved back to town with my child so she can be close to him . . but she still singles us out from her and all her other children. i was here for a year and she was only willing to "spend time" with her grandchild one night (and i had to beg her) she never invites us over when she has get togethers are EVEN HOLIDAYS!! she even tells lies about me to my other siblings so they'll all single me out together. yeah, and at the same time she actually thinks she's not doing anything wrong. i know how much it hurts, i know how lonely it feels . . stay strong.

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  • stlolth

    Some parents don't grow or become wiser and better through parenthood, they remain the selfish self-centered post-teenagers they always were. It's just important to know it's not your fault, but theirs.

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  • hatinglife

    yes. it always seems like my mom cares a lot more about my older sister and my younger sister than me. she will do anything to get out of being with me. she even said she was sick just so we didn't have to go on a mother daughter day that we were planning (actualy i had to beg her to do it)and then about an hour later she snuck out of the house (she was faking her sickness) and went out to the place we were going to go and went shopping and got my sisters a bunch of clothes and toys and stuff and just said she didn't have time to look for someting for me. i went to my room and just cried my head off that she actually didn't care enough to spend even the tinest amount of time with me. she does it all the time. i just wish she loved me. the saddest part is that i'm only eleven years old.

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    • MzBeck123

      I feel so bad for you.....it's hard enough going through this now, and I'm 26...but to be 11 years old and already realize that it's happening just isn't right. When I start to ignore my mom, that's when she eventually seeks attention. She acts like I never come visit or call, even though when I do, she barely acknowledges me. I had planned something for her on Mother's Day and she told me that she didn't want to upset my brother or sister, so she wanted to go out another day. Then I find out she goes out with my brother anyways, and my sister and her make plans for another day. Although originally my sister fussed about not being able to do anything for her. It all stinks. How are you doing though? Do you have any older female friends or role models? That always helps...

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  • Justin_Case

    My heart goes out to you
    It hurts like h*ll when no
    One can make time for you
    I know from past experience
    Life can be h*ll
    I hope God gives you a Blessing
    i pray your surgery heals
    And you get a miracle
    God Bless You

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  • snarkygirl

    It shocks me how many parents are selfish jerks I'd do anything to help my child

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  • MzBeck123

    It's 2012 and things aren't different. I guess there comes a time in life when you have to realize it is what it is. People may not realize their ways until they are near death or all alone. I have cut my family off, but my mom keeps trying to get back in my life. It will never be what it was. I tried too hard to make them love me, to make them happy, no one should have to try like that. It should just happen. And when it doesn't??? Then it's time to realize that these people just don't deserve what you have to offer. That's how I feel about myself. I have a big heart, I would do anything for anyone, but seeing as how I keep getting disregarded?? It makes no sense to waste my time on them. So that's my newest update. Life without the blood family, let's see how much better and easier it gets!!

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  • kushkitten

    honestly it sounds like you want alot more attention than anything. because i have the same problem but worse than yours and im not whining about it. it has made me a stronger person with much more of a backbone. im not trying to offend you im just being honest

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    • Bexy1234

      Well it's been a year since I've written that. Things aren't much better, just pretty much the same. I am slowly developing a stronger backbone, but there are times I think about certain words that were said, or actions that were taken, and it hurts. I don't take offense to what you said, it's your honest opinion. And you're right, I would love some attention from my family. This year my mom made me dinner for my bday, she was not really listening to me much, but when my little sister showed up, it was like I wasn't even there. Pretty sad.........plus I had invited over a friend and she didn't know things were like that, she ended up leaving early b/c she was pissed that they ignored me. I purposely tried repeating something 3 times, but never got a response. Oh well. I'm starting not to let it bother me so much....

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  • karlamees1

    now that was a big mouthfull ja got there

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  • MzBeck123

    Thank you for all of your comments.....I truly appreciate kind words and support. My mom likes to fake the whole "relationship" thing, but I am trying to take it with a grain of salt.../

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  • Yes. I can't tell you how to get over the disappointment - but you will, at least mostly. It helps to be realistic of what you expect - which may mean expect very little. It really helps to build your own family & supports, as you are doing - good on you.

    I say be realistic but that doesn't mean you are being unreasonable. It is just that it can be hard to see parents as pretty flawed and limited when one needs them to be otherwise under certain circumstances. But try as much as you can to accept that they are who they are.

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    • MzBeck123

      I wish it was easy to just let it roll off my shoulders....but it's not. I still resent her for last time. I just think it's sad. I used to be in the army and I took my leave to come home and be with her when she had a hysterectomy. I was at the hospital and I stayed with her the whole time. I even had to cook Thanksgiving dinner. I had never cooked it before and was worried it wouldn't turn out right. But I did it because my mom asked for my help and I thought that's what family is supposed to do. But it only goes one way in my family. I help, and they do whatever they want. Can you hear the resentment in my comment? So sad.....thanks for writing though. It helps.

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  • Murasaki

    I know exactly what you're going through. I won't say who, but someone close to me had a mother who always neglected her, while always being there for her brother. When she had a miscarriage, the mother said "So?", and when she was pregnant, the mother went away with the woman's brother. The world will always have people who should never have had children and who can never be good mothers. Take solace in the fact you have other good people around you and don't wallow on your mother who doesn't sound like she's worth your time. It sounds like she runs away from any difficulty, like you being sick, and you'll never be able to rely on her. Move on.

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  • Crazydiamond

    Have you ever heard of a thing called paragraphs? Didn't read a word.

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    • MzBeck123

      You didn't read but you responded?

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  • Justin_Case

    I know how you feel , And trust me it hurts when someone only wants you when it is on
    their term , I know how life can suck trust me , My heart felt wishes go out to you
    My family are not close at all
    My sister only wants men for their money
    She can not show any love at all
    I am the complete opposite of her
    When my sister bought me any birthday card
    or bought me anything for Christmas
    it was jail bird bf who is doing time
    for sexually assaulting his neices
    My mom is deceased But when she was living
    she would bitch at times But God rest her soul , She was so so
    My dad could careless about me , He treats
    me like I do not exist
    In September I took my sister and neice
    too get their hair groomed
    In September my sister was sick the weekend
    of her birthday But I took her out
    and my neice , She drives but I treated
    them to dinner out
    I am tired of doing for people
    And not getting anything in return
    I often ask God , What's my purpose
    for life
    My home is in poor conditions
    My sister has a nice town house to live in
    with her daughter
    People only want me on their terms
    someday I hope God sends me
    A decent woman to love , I am age 41
    but will admit I like younger women
    I want a baby And marriage
    I am on SSI income for manic depression
    and diabetes But i know how to love
    Unfortantley I don't know how to drive
    there are many things i never learned
    I know you feelings , Why does God puts us
    through hell? I dont know why? I wish i had a answer

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