My little pony: i love fluttershy. is this why i'm depressed?

Before I go on, please don't judge me about anything I'm about to say. I already feel depressed enough as it is, and I don't need any judging to make me feel worse.

I'm an 18 year old male in college, and I need help.

So recently, I started to watch My Little Pony (MLP) again (I'm a brony), and I also started to feel a little depressed. I have no idea why, but I think MLP might have something to do with it. My favorite character is Fluttershy, and it always has been, but recently, I've started feeling a little different about this.

Remember that I've been feeling really depressed too as you read this.

I've started to become more or less...attracted to Fluttershy. It's not because of what you think, I don't want to you know...do something that I shouldn't or anything like that. I have become genuinely attracted to her and her personality. She's just so sweet, caring, loving, kind, and thoughtful. She always puts her friends' needs before her own. She will always lend a hand (or hoof rather) whenever she can. She can always sense when something is wrong with one of her friends, and will do everything in her power to help you. She always tries to see the good in even the most dire of situations, and she never judges anyone by their cover. She will always give someone the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. She will drop everything to help a friend, and won't stop until they feel better. She cares so much about her animals, and is super careful to not upset other ponies. She also has a SPECTACULAR singing voice. Every time she sings, it's like I've been transported to heaven and listening to the angels sing. Even when she just speaks, she has the cutest, most soothing voice ever. I think she would make a fantastic mother, not only because she's a remarkable caretaker, but she will put her hoof down if she's really keen on making her point. She can be assertive when she needs to be.

Also, I just thing Fluttershy is an absolutely beautiful mare. I love how her mane falls around her face, and she has a beautiful light-tan coat. She has a gorgeous smile as well. My favorite feature on Fluttershy though are her eyes. They're just like beautiful teal stars twinkling in her eyes.

I actually really like how shy Fluttershy is. Every time she blushes, or says something like "...if it's alright with you.", I can't help but smile. It's just so...adorable. Every time Fluttershy acts shy, it's just so adorable.

I'm well aware that Fluttershy is not flawless. She's far from flawless, but I just love the fact that she's Fluttershy. I love Fluttershy, flaws and all, I love her.

I thought this was just a phase or something, but I've been watching episodes over and over again, and there's one episode where Fluttershy goes to a workshop to learn how to be assertive. Then she goes around acting like a bully to everyone. I actually kind of started to tear up, just from watching Fluttershy change so much, and then her realization of what she had done. If anyone is ever mean to Fluttershy in an episode or hurts her in any way, I just want to jump into their world through my computer screen and beat the living crap out of whoever did that to her. Fluttershy deserves nothing but the world for her generosity, kindness, and devotion to her friends. Anyone who can't love Fluttershy for who she is doesn't deserve to be her friend, or even be near her. I just have this need...instinct almost...to protect her, because she's just so delicate and sensitive. I can't bear to watch Fluttershy cry either, because I start crying too.

I've also been reading some MLP fanfiction (don't judge), and in some stories, Fluttershy is paired up with another pony. It's actually hard for me to read, as if I'm reading about the one I love falling in love with someone else. It's taxing on my heart to read about her giving her heart to someone else besides me, even though I know it's not physically possible for me to ever meet her.

I would give anything to be able to go into the MLP universe and meet face to face with Fluttershy. It would be a dream come true.

Let me clarify, I don't want to...do things...to Fluttershy, I'm attracted to her personality...as well as thinking she's gorgeous. I don't do bestiality, I think it's just wrong. But I can't help but love Fluttershy. If I were to ever meet a girl in the real world with Fluttershy's characteristics and personality, my life would be made.

So back to the fact that I've been depressed lately. I can't help but feel like this has something to do with it, and I can't talk to anyone here at college about it, because to be honest, I don't have any close friends here that would stop me immediately after they find out I'm a brony. All my close friends are too busy and too far away to have a talk with. I just want some answers! I want an explanation, because I've become just so bitter and closed off from everyone. I just don't trust anyone at my college to understand how I feel, just because I feel that it's so weird, and even kind of wrong, because Fluttershy is not only a cartoon character, but she's a cartoon PONY character.

I don't feel better unless I'm in my room, with some food, with netflix streaming MLP, all while on my computer playing games, alone.

If you can give me some answers, or even a small explanation, I would be EXTREMELY grateful. Thank you, and sorry for this being so long, but I need to get my feelings out somehow. I'm tired of them being bottled up inside. Thanks again for anyone who took the time to read and respond to this. Good to know there are some good people out there willing to help a depressed stranger out.