My husband does not want to work!!

61% Normal

My husband joined the military at 18 and he is now coming up on his 20 year mark at which point he can retire and receive pension from the military.

Now he is talking about retiring, period! We can live off of his retirement check if we cut some expenses, but he is only 38, what the hell is he going to do all day? Our kids are teenagers, they clean and do the yardwork, I cook dinner every night, it's not like he would fit as a house husband. I think that 38 is way too young to retire. Is it normal that my husband does not want to work anymore?

I work full time myself, and I don't think it is fair that I should have to take most of the responsibility for paying the bills if there is no job for him to do at home.

Voting Results

61% Normal

Based on 33 votes (20 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 36 )

[Old Memory]

11 years ago

let him have a break and digest the situation, dont put pressure on him till then, he might change his mind himself cause he is bored and its better that he is not nagged into something that he would probly do anyway

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  I am not nagging him into anything, but I don't find it is fair that I we are both 38 and now he wants me to take full responsibility for the welfare of the household while he does not pull his own weight around the house.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  -1
  
  -1
  - MissyLeyneous
    
    11 years ago
    
    If he's like my husband (or any other stubborn little fart for that matter) he'll quickly grow bored of just "sitting around". He will do one of two things:
    
    1) Spend money on "projects" or "hobbies", like restoring cars or golfing...
    
    Or...
    
    2) Get a part time job doing... something...
    
    My advice would be NOT to let him get into the FORMER, if money is tight. "Projects" and "hobbies" add up in the checkbook FAST. :/
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      The money thing is what I am worried about. He already has some pretty expensive hobbies that I have no idea who he plans on paying for it after he gets out.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
[Old Memory]

11 years ago

Well, excuse me, but do you work in an area that stressed you out by making you worry about your life and the lives of the people around you? when you go to work, do you have as much risk being killed as he did? No? Then stop nagging. Let him have his time, because no doubt he has endured more in his work before retirement than you have or ever will.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  I fail to see the risk of being killed a file clerk and IT specialist which is what he did for the majority of his career. Don't assume that military always means combat and danger. The most dangerous aspect of his career was PT and I work out too. He has never even been near a war zone.
  
  So yes, I do risk as much going to work as he does, because we basically do the same job. I just do it in the civilian field.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
- MissyLeyneous
  
  11 years ago
  
  There's no excuse for you.
  
  I do agree that she should give him some time though, he's a full-blown frickin' veteran now! /(^_^)
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
dirtybirdy

11 years ago

I'd leave him be for a while. If he ends up being a total bum and not contributing at all then you'd better come up with a good plan to get rid of the body and story to tell the kids.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
[Old Memory]

11 years ago

He will get bored of doing nothing. He will either house husband it up or get a job. Your kids will (hopefully) be moving out in a few years and someone will have to tend to the house.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
Justsomejerk

11 years ago

Give the man a break.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  No.
  
  Marriage is a partnership and if the only role he is willing to play as a partner is the role of making his wife solely responsible for the household chores AND for bringing in income as he sits on his ass and does nothing then I see no reason to continue this "partnership".
  
  I have no problems with him taking a few months to himself, but to lay all of the burden for running the household on me? I am not his Mother, I already have children to be a Mother to.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - malkiot
    
    11 years ago
    
    I think getting a retirement check every month means that he is pulling his weight at least financially. So it wouldn't really all be dependent on you at all , would it?
    
    Being a soldier isn't easy, let him have a break. He joined when he was very young, perhaps he realised that he wants out?
    
    Talk to him, instead of venting you frustration on the net.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      He's a file clerk and IT tech. He's never even seen a battlefield.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
Moonbow

11 years ago

Men who retire early usually don't live long because a drastic change in routine has an adverse effect on a man's heart -- I don't think the same is true for women. Haven't you noticed that in a lot of cases men don't live long after they retire?

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
GoraIntoDesiGals

11 years ago

Why is it that women NEVER want to support men financially? Is that the equality feminists talk about?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Wouldn't equality be the both of us working? I didn't expect him to support me financially and he shouldn't expect me to do the same from him. Equality is the both of us pulling our weight, not wife doing all of the working, cooking and cleaning.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - MissyLeyneous
    
    11 years ago
    
    I probably forgot to include in my own post that just because a woman stays home and the man works doesn't mean they aren't equal. Each family has to have it's own sense of balance, and you just have to have a feel for where you belong in your own situation. No two families are alike, nor should they be.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
  - GoraIntoDesiGals
    
    11 years ago
    
    I was talking in a broad sense, not your particular case. Women can choose to be housewives or work. Men don't have the option to stay at home without heavily being ostracised for "lazy bum".
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - MissyLeyneous
      
      11 years ago
      
      This is not entirely true. Each family has their own way of cooperating and functioning, with no "right" way of doing things.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      If you weren't talking about me then how does this post even belong here?
      
      The fact is, he IS a lazy bum. He doesn't do housework and I worked his job for 10 years before I got medical discharge, he doesn't do shit there either but at least he brings home a paycheck. Without it, I don't know how he is going to fund his bullshit and I'll be damned if I am going to have to cut expenses so he can keep his precious little sports car and thirst for new technology every time one comes out.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
- MissyLeyneous
  
  11 years ago
  
  Um, I beg to differ.
  
  First of all, not EVERY female is a feminist... Just making sure you knew that. :/
  
  Second... I know PLENTY of women who support their husbands financially and otherwise. Their relationships almost always tend to be highly dysfunctional. In fact, my mother works a full time job as a nurse (bringing all the bacons home) while my step-dad sits around on his ass. Their relationship can go from awkward to non-existent to bubbly to *rageface* in a span of ten minutes time.
  
  Families who have a more "old-school" set up, where the wife stays home and "tends" the house and the husband "maintains" it, tend to be more stable. From what I've seen, anyway.
  
  My husband and I both work full-time minimum wage jobs, his in the day, mine at night. We're dysfunctional, but we make it work. I do the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, sweeping and all that good nonsense. He fixes things constantly, works on the cars, earns extra side income when he can, mows the lawn, takes out the trash, etc, etc. We like how we do things, and neither one of us would trade places with the other for a minute! xD
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
- [Old Memory]
  
  11 years ago
  
  I like you. You speak the truth.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Convictions

11 years ago

My Dad retired when he was 36, and expected me, my mum and my twin sister to bring in the household income. I was 20 when this happened (they were very young when they had us) and I hadn't finished school yet, and when I asked him why he said he "Just couldn't be bothered anymore" and he's totally convinced it was the right thing to do, he's 40 now and he won't work still, and I hate the fact my own father is a leech off me even though I moved out last year.

My advice is just don't put pressure on him too much or he won't work at all, but just try and slide him into a working habit by just doing jobs around the house or maybe try and get him into some part time work with maybe just a few hours a day or if he's not up to that at first, just a few hours a week and he might want to do more.

It's not fair he expects you to work full time and he just sit around on his backside all day. That's what my parents ended up like and it wasn't pretty. Best of Luck!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
bendan

11 years ago

It's perfectly normal to want to retire (hell, I wish I could retire), but I would say that it is NOT NORMAL to actually do it--at age 38, unless you were filthy rich with 20 million in the bank. He should work at least another 20 years so that you guys an really build up a bank account. Otherwise, you're just going to be "getting by" for the rest of your life. I don't know how much your husband's pension will be, but you have kids that will be going to college I assume? That's a lot of money. But it might be that he needs a break. I'd give him up to a year. After a year, a normal man would get antsy and want to do something with his life. If your husband is still content to while away his time after a year, I'm afraid you have married a lazy bum with no ambition.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
squeallikeasacofpigs

11 years ago

You're whining about being the only person supporting your family but at the same time say you could live off his pension? Wtf. Shit aint that serious

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  We *could*. I really don't know how, but I am sure that we could.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - MissyLeyneous
    
    11 years ago
    
    I'm sure you could cut back somewhere if it came down to it. Besides, you said your children are getting "of age" right? I think you'll be fine. Cut the man a little slack, be there for him, but stay firm with matters concerning the checkbook.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      I don't see why I should have to cut back when he is the one with the expensive hobbies. I drive a paid-off used car and I spend the time that I don't spend sleeping either working or doing domestic chores. Why should I have to cut back? I do all of the work.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
Terence_the_viking

11 years ago

Nobody wants to work ease up lady. You try being in the same job for 20 years and then tell us how you feel

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  He has not been at the same job for 20 years. He has changed ranks, positions and MOS plenty of times. I have been WORKING for 20 years, and I feel that I should not have to accept the entirety of the financial burden.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Terence_the_viking
    
    11 years ago
    
    yes but he was in the same organisation for 20 years how about you?
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      I have been working in the same industry for 20 years, but not in the same specified school district.
      
      If working in the same organization for 20 years, in your opinion, entitles someone to be able to retire and not do shit and leave their wife with all of the bills and finances and responsibilities for the welfare of the house then I hope you are able to find a spouse that feels the same way, because the idea of my being fiscally responsible for the entirety of the house while he does not contribute at all is insane.
      
      He is an adult and he needs to contribute to this house like an adult. I am not his Mother.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - Terence_the_viking
        
        11 years ago
        
        Talk to him have a good sit down and tell him to get a part time job 20 years in the military is not the same as what you or i do so cut the guy some slack
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
shade_ilmaendu

11 years ago

I mean, how much of a break can you really give him? No one else gets to retire so early, I don't see why he's all thinking he's special. You have two teenagers, college and all sorts of other shit to worry about. Pension or not, that's supposed to get you guys through when you're older and possibly needing the money more (good health isn't cheap unfortunately, especially as you get older).

If he wants a month or two off after all that service, that's one thing. But he should start looking for employment within a month or two of being back, the longer you go without working the harder it is to find a job, especially if he went into the military straight out of high school and didn't get any additional education.

I hate to sound like the hard-assed conservative here, but you guys have a family to support (and probably a mortgage and lots of other fun expenses) and he can't be sitting on his hands, especially if you're working too and it's still not enough. So what he was doing a hard and dangerous job? You were working full time AND raising a family, and now you're just supposed to do everything? No, it doesn't work like that, he's still got to pull his own weight.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- malkiot
  
  11 years ago
  
  Soldiers in every western country get to retire that early and with good reason I suspect.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    11 years ago
    
    He wasn't a soldier. He was IT in the Air Force.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0

Are You Normal?

My husband does not want to work!!