My hemorrhoid makes me nervous? iin?

So, this is a personal topic and may be awkward for some.

I have an external hemorrhoid. It's small, bulbous, and uncomfortable. I'm guessing it's because I do squats and other intense lower body exercises; it's there one day and gone the next. And then back again -_-

When I wash my ass in the shower, I cringe when I touch it. I cringe thinking about it. I'm cringing right now. I cringe because I can feel the pressure it's under and I can just imagine a needle pressing against it, and it popping like a balloon.

Then I'm imagine squirting blood from my anus. Awkward.

I have this weird fear of a scenario in which my hemorrhoid suddenly bursts. it's silly, but I hold back on the leg press, not only to prevent aggravating the issue, but b/c I can imagine it bursting right then and there.