My guy friend and i never talk ,ever

Well we have been friends for a long time Since 4th grade.we feed off each other and laugh alot. But like not only that I trusted him and he never told nothing but I neeeever liked him. Like that was a gross thought to me. but over the years weve been throug more than anyone in this world ik. Well he always makes tons of sexaull jokes bout anyone and everything. And I use to just . Watever them. But he we started to talk more outside school and in 8th grade he started askin for pics and stuff but I shook it off. Everytine. It didn't affect us. Well a year go by.and then the beggin of 9th grade I started to always wanna be with him, next to him, talkin to him and ik I liked him but didn't wanna admit it to myself but I finally started to drop hints and one day he told me he loved me. At first I was like.. Woah weird. But that was just the beggining. months go by and I find out i don't just love him . I'm IN love with him. And so one day I gave in to pics and we messed around a lil. Like we texted alottt everyday for like 2 years. And he always wanted more no matter what. We started to fight alot. We use to make up and keep our love going. But it got to where neither of use woud care any more. But I didn't wanna let go. He started to go for another girl but I got so mad and he came back cause he said he loved me. Then it turned into only sexual stuff . He said he didn't life me anyone that way. I said "same". But I was still in love. And honestly. Two years later. I might still be.. Idk. But anyway. He started saying he hated texting in general to me. But I loved talkin to him . but to make a suuper long story shorter.. He said he didn't even wanna do stuff with me any more . He said same fights and arfuements got old and reperitive . And I did agree. But I still loved him. But I told him I hated him . Because I was so up set. I stoped talkin to him for a few weeks. And he said he was sorry for being dick. we made up.then a week later we fought again and he was like "i just, wanna be friends and only talk at school".. And so here we are.two weeks before school lets out for summer . We have no classes this semester. I don't sit with him at lunch anymore. he doesn't talk to me. i don't talk to him.. we just are not nuetrall. And we might talk a lil bit like four words in a whole week. I still trust him with my life.. and ik people would say move on. I've tried so hard to for a long time. Noone is the same as him. Hes the ONLy person in my school I trust. He promised to always keep secrets secrect no matter what.. His absence. Is making it impossible for me to have a relastionship with another person.bc he told me he wanted a reall relationship with a gjrl. and him.saying that broke my heart more than u can immagine. I just know Imiss him so much. And idk if I should give it time and hell come around of not. I'm so lonely without him Buy ik he doesn't miss me like I do him.. Im so lost. I miss my love. But even more. I miss my best friend. Alot