My girlfriend doesn't want kids but i do? can i convince her later?

26 Comments

Been with her nearly a year. It's been fun we travel all over, do extreme things like sky dive it's a dream relationship and we don't even have to worry about money because she's wealthy and i work full time.

But she doesn't want kids and I need kids. I never pictured not having any and couldn't feel happy not having children. I've tried to talk to her but she says she's opposed to the idea and probably won't ever change her mind.

Probably won't might mean later on she could potentially change her mind right?

No	25
Yes	10
Other	10

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Comments ( 26 )

Annie25

5 years ago | pl

"What if she changes her mind?"

Well thats a man sized if
You cant just hope for the opinion to change and get on with life hoping someday she would change her decision

Or let me just turn the question upside down :

Would you change yours?

There you go, you have your answer

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Vvaas

5 years ago | pl

tbh you should probably look for someone else who is interested in having kids like you because otherwise I don't see it working out if you're really that set on having children. I guess you could gently ask her every year or so and bring up the topic of children but I don't think she'll change her mind

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Tealights

5 years ago

It's hard to say.

She might change her mind, but she might not; but you shouldn't force it. Step back and really look at the relationship. Do you like it because of how comfortable you are with all the luxuries, or her?

Does she seem like she'll make a great mother? Have you lived with her yet, and long enough to know her habits and flaws?

To me, it sounds like you still have rose colored glasses on, and not seeing everything clearly for what it is. My suggestion would be to give it another year and enjoy your time with her, build a stronger bond and get to know her further before jumping to marriage and family.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Well that's my life with her she got a 1.8 million inheritance from family and she gets money assisting her mom in the business here and there so we're set for life. I can't say what it would be like without luxury because that's just how life is with her. We haven't really had much down time only a few times here and there otherwise we just go out and travel.
  
  I just started living with her so I can't say yet what it's like. The only two things are she's a little bossy sometimes and she doesn't want children. Also I guess we don't share many common interests unfortunately but travel is an interest.
  
  Maybe I am seeing it with rose colored glasses but how would I know.
  
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  - Tealights
    
    5 years ago
    
    It's wonderful how honest with yourself you are, many would get so upset being conflicted and lash out.
    
    You know yourself better than anyone, so you already have the answer you need whether it's the one you want or not.
    
    From what I see from your original post and this reply, you're unsure about her, but love being financially secure. We all dream of having enough money to just keep our head above water, but you're actually on a boat, which is way more than any average person can ask for.
    
    Personally, I wouldn't break up just yet, and still give it another year, because realistically you hardly know her or the interworkings of her mind, and you have yet to see and understand her flaws; but luckily that develops with time/communication, and living together is a great opportunity for that. So hold off on the baby talk for a while. Good luck man!
    
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JellyBeanBandit

5 years ago

She could be hoping you'll change your mind in the future on wanting kids.

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IrishPotato

5 years ago

This is so sad. I don't think you'll be happy with her in the end.

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nikkiclaire

5 years ago

Have you asked her why she is staying with you knowing that something you desperately need in life, is something she is unable to give? Have you asked yourself why you stay with a woman who could never possibly make you happy?

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- RoseIsabella
  
  5 years ago
  
  My dad actually wanted kids, but my mother didn't. She said she was scared to have kids after she met her mother in law.
  
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  - nikkiclaire
    
    5 years ago
    
    Why?
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      5 years ago
      
      She just didn't much care for my dad's mother. I honestly never knew that they had issues between them until I was almost thirty. I my mom was probably afraid of having kids that might turn out like her.
      
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- Annie25
  
  5 years ago
  
  This is not about making each other happy.
  Both of them are not obligated to do that sacrificing their choices.
  The women choses not have kids and the man wants to.
  This dosent mean they dont make each other happy. They love each other and hence are together its just that their life choices are different because of which they might have to go down different paths
  
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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

Sounds like you're wasting your time and disappointing yourself. You want kids get a woman that wants that as well. Otherwise you'll suffer from her constantly bitching about them in case you actually convince her, and everything is ruined.

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Sacksize

5 years ago

It basically comes down to who is willing to sacrifice and be unhappy. Same situation with my fiancé and I. I don’t want them, he use to tell me he never wanted them and all of a sudden now he does some day. I was so set on not having kids and I thought I’d found someone who was also ok with no children. He changed his mind, maybe I’ll change mine to some day??? Honestly though, I don’t think I will. I do however think I will be the one to make the sacrifice and just have a kid with him, however that doesn’t mean it will be bad in the future right? Idk I say good luck on changing her mind. But always wonder “did she change her mind, or did she just give in to make you happy?”

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- SwickDinging
  
  5 years ago
  
  Good point. In this situation what often happens is someone compromised to save the relationship, and then secretly regrets it and just puts on a brave face.
  
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SwickDinging

5 years ago

How old are you both? Plenty of people change their mind about kids as they get older, but some don't and if she's already told you she doesn't want them then you just have to take her at face value. You might be better finding someone else who shares your life goals.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  I'm 35 she's 29
  
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  - SwickDinging
    
    5 years ago
    
    Hm... She's probably only got a decent shot at kids if she has them within the next 3-5 years. Anything after that and you're really rolling the dice with fertility. I think it's unlikely she will change her mind before it's too late, if she does at all
    
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    - perfectxsilence
      
      5 years ago
      
      Rolling the dice with fertility? Women are commonly having completely healthy babies at 40 and you're saying 34 is the oldest a woman should have kids? Lmao. My mom had my brother at 43, my cousin just had her second at 41 and two of my coworkers are pregnant at 45 and 49. Get a grip old man
      
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      - SwickDinging
        
        5 years ago
        
        I'm not an old man, I'm a woman (not revealing if I'm old or not lol...). I never said "34 is the oldest women should have kids" you've completely fabricated that, well done. I don't give a shit what age other people "should" have children, it's not my business and I don't care that much about what a bunch of strangers are doing.
        
        for us girls from your late 20s your fertility starts to drop dramatically, as does your egg quality. We are born with all of our eggs and the sad truth is that they age terribly. Biologically speaking we're all supposed to be getting pregnant from our mid teens.
        
        It's wonderful your mum was able to have a child at 43, I'm happy to hear that, but for a lot of women that's not an option without lots of medical intervention, and even then the risk of syndromes and other health problems is dramatically increased.
        
        Sorry if the truth hurts. I hate it too, and I'd like everyone to have the option to easily and healthily keep having kids until later in life but science doesn't care about our feelings.
        
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JD777

5 years ago

Women often change their mind about having starting kids at around her age and up to mid-thirties. You’ve only been together a year, so you probably should try not to rush things and enjoy the relationship as is. Trying to convince her to want kids is unlikely to work, just let her hormonal shift do the work for you.

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LaughinSkull

5 years ago

Being able to change her mind DEPENDS upon her age and, quite frankly, her in general. Some people don't want kids and that never changes (a good celebrity example off the top of my head is Bill Maher). Some people, however, change their mind as they get older.

The truth of the matter is though, IF she decides later in life (assuming she's under 35) to have kids, that decision has to come from her alone. It cannot come from you nagging her and her going "okay, let's do it I guess". Children are a huge commitment and demand an extraordinary amount of time and energy from their parents. If she's not 100% into it by her own whim, it will be a disaster.

Relationships, good relationships, have ended between perfectly compatible people at older ages for this specific reason.

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SwickDinging

5 years ago

Some of my female friends were very proudly and loudly part of the child free movement, and then changed their mind in their late 30s. Unfortunately what a lot of people don't seem to realise is that adoption have a very strict age criteria and if you are too old to have children naturally you are usually too old to adopt. So most of these people end up childless.

Then there's also those people who don't change their mind ever. And honestly I think you need to assume that she's one of those, because she's told you she is. If you love her and you trust her then you need to just accept what she says for what it is.

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- perfectxsilence
  
  5 years ago
  
  There's no such thing as too old to adopt. Google it
  
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  - Sacksize
    
    5 years ago
    
    my friends also found out the hard way that they are currently changing it so that yes there is “an age limit”. Pretty much they were constant told there were complications after complications and then one day they were told they would be too old to properly care for the child all the way to age 18 thereofor were not good applicants to adopt a child and would not be allowed to do so. And thats in the USA.. they aren’t even “that old”
    
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  - SwickDinging
    
    5 years ago
    
    Maybe not in the USA? I don't know about over there. In the countries I've lived in it definitely does work that way I'm afraid. My friends found that out the hard way. They would have made great parents too, it's a real shame
    
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My girlfriend doesn't want kids but i do? can i convince her later?