My friend worries that women are not interested because of his looks

So my friend is hoping to find a girlfriend. He is a very shy fellow with terrible self esteem. In his ideal world a girl would show interest in him first so that he can feel less afraid of rejection and talk with her. I want to demonstrate that there are all sorts of people out there and indeed some of them will feel that he is attractive.

With his permission I am here to submit a photograph for rating. Your opinions please. Constructive comments welcome.

P.S. Every time I click preview I lose the attached file. Going to submit without clicking preview and hope it works.

1 out of 5, very ugly 4
2 out of 5, below average 8
3 out of 5, okay/normal 43
4 out of 5, above average 17
5 out of 5, very handsome 6
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Comments ( 39 )
  • RoseIsabella

    He's not a knock out a but there's certainly nothing wrong with him. I suspect the main issue with your friend is shyness and low self esteem rather than physical appearance. Your friend is not an ugly person and I want to make that clear.

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  • KeddersPrincess

    I like his suit.

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    • Hayze

      I think he needs a better fitting suit. He has been trimming up at the gym this past year and a nice fitted suit would do him a lot more justice.

      Thank you for letting him know that the suit is nice on him :)

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      • KeddersPrincess

        You're welcome ^_^

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  • disthing

    The image is kind of small so it's hard to tell... He looks average. Normal. Ordinary.

    The shyness and very low self-esteem is a recipe for disappointment. That's what your friend needs to work on. That doesn't mean turn into some cocky alpha male, it just means practicing conveying a comfortable, positive attitude - people like positivity. It's generally attractive.

    Self-deprication, social awkwardness and shyness are generally unattractive - although it can appeal to similarly anxious people looking for a bed fellow to wallow with.

    Of course, self-improvement is easier said than done. But you can at least reassure him that he isn't physically ugly.

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    • Hayze

      Fabulous comment. I completely agree and have said as much already. Very grateful that you have taken the time to write this comment as it helps me to illustrate to him where he should focus.

      I have said to him that he is using his fears about his looks to hold back from having to deal with the true problem which is a much more complicated issue that takes a lot more work to alter.

      Thanks for your insight.

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  • Satanic_Cereal

    99% of Guys need to Grow their Hair out--
    in order to be attractive !!

    Nobody seems to realize this-
    That is almost all guys need to do.

    People desire eachOther visually- based on our instincts, which tell how healthy a person looks. We see signs of a health in the skin, teeth, hair, etc.

    Most males cut their hair, very very short. (crew cuts, buzz cuts). This destroys one of the biggest links to attraction.

    It's also the reason why females are culturally experienced as beautiful, and males are not. But, imo, it also makes women unhappy. Guys- imagine if you rarely ever saw an attractive girl? (because they all have crew cuts and beards?)

    If you cannot grow your hair very long (ie because of jobseeking)--- then 4- 5 inches is long enough (down to the ears)

    You will still look like a guy. You will look good with or without glasses.

    I am a girl-
    and I notice the difference between who I'm attracted to or not. But I did not realize this until I was 23. Most girls (and guys) have not realized this at all.

    Unrelated to the picture: It's also best to not have too much facial hair, or any. A thin goatee or soulpatch at most, or none at all.

    There are some other things that help a guy be attractive-- but growing the hair out is the hugest thing.

    Tell this to all guys you know ! !!
    =)

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  • Anime7

    Honestly he comes off like an average person. He's not ugly but he's no Ryan Gosling. But that's the thing, most men aren't. You have to have confidence, and that's what I feel your friend is lacking. A splash of confidence can go a long way, your friend just has to realize that you can't sit on the sidelines and expect people to talk to you. If you want a conversation then don't be afraid to start it. But when you speak, speak with confidence and self-assurance. Your friend isn't ugly; I believe that it's simply a matter of being more confident in himself.

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  • dom180

    3, maybe pushing 4 if he has good posture and motion.

    I think I look fairly similar to him myself. We both have short dark hair, medium to thin waist, a similar sort of face structure and I often wear glasses. Facial features I have that he I can't tell if he has are a larger-than-average nose, slightly sticky-out ears and blue eyes. A physical feature I have that I can't tell if your friend has is that I don't have much muscle. I'm 6'0''. I've been told my glasses make me look nerdy, like I should be studying engineering or computer science :P I'm 18 years old.

    I think a fairly average number of people are attracted to me. I've had a long-term girlfriend before, and I've had casual sex before. Like Rose said, I think it's all in the self-confidence. I was shy too, and I still am to an extent. I had a "flirtationship" with my first girlfriend for over four months before I dared ask her out because I was scared of rejection. It all worked out fine, but in retrospect it would have been a better idea not to take so long because I put myself into a lot of unnecessary anxiety over it.

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    • Hayze

      Thank you again for your useful insight.

      My friend had the typical "low self esteem T-Rex shuffle". I have told him about this and recommended that he learns to consciously project himself well.

      He is also becomes frustrated that women on dating sites filter out average/shorter males (he is 5' 8"). I told him that dating sites have drawbacks and filtering like this is one of them. We all employ filters automatically in daily life. I bet he filters out the ladies he finds less attractive.

      However, he is at the gym/pool every day so he is above average in terms of having a healthy lifestyle and being fit.

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      • dom180

        Yeah, I think dating sites are often problematic because people often don't know much about their own attraction. We are continually surprised as we find a person attractive even if we've never found someone of their "type" attractive before. Automatic filtering on dating sites removes every incidence of surprise attraction and fucks over people like your friend who fall outside the the range of one commonly desirable trait. The manual filtering we do in real life means we are still exposed to people of different types than we typically find attractive, allowing for incidences of unusual attraction.

        On the height thing specifically. If it's worth anything, my first girlfriend was 4'11'' and she often said she would have much preferred me to be shorter than I am. When height difference gets to a certain level it starts impeding intimacy - for example, kissing during sex or getting both your heads on a pillow while cuddling become difficult because your tall and short bodies don't fit together very effectively. In addition to that, she was insecure about being short and her insecurity was exemplified because when she stood next to me she looked even shorter than usual due to the height difference. Some girls like shorter guys for reasons like that.

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        • Hayze

          Agreed. Again!

          One of the issues he faces is that he is ideally hoping to find a lady of a similar height to him. Whilst a lot of ladies want a fellow who is a little taller than ourselves. So the women he is interested in often tell him he is too short for them, which only makes him feel worse about his height.

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          • dom180

            I don't think he necessarily needs to compromise his own preferences. If he keeps his chin up and starts taking risks he'll find someone who fits most, if not all, his criteria on paper. That said, there's no harm that can come from him dating people who don't fit inside his preferences to see if anyone surprises him. Risking rejection and dating frequently make the idea of it less daunting and can prevent you from becoming too shy to act when someone you really like does come along.

            I think sometimes people give themselves very rigid criteria for a potential partner so they don't feel so bad about feeling too shy to date. If that makes sense :P

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            • Hayze

              Good point. He is not that rigid, but he does have a tendency to be blind to his options. For example, I suggested that he talks to people around him when we are at the gym, get to know them and be friendly. He would argue that they are not what he is looking for, to which I replied they might be the father/brother/cousin/bestfriend/mother/sister/whatever... to the girl of his dreams and this might be how he meets her. He is listening though. He has an open heart and hopefully he will master his fears.

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    • iEatZombies_

      My ears stick out, too. And my nose is big. lol.
      Or as a friend said, I don't have big features, I have a small head. Hah.

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      • dom180

        Haha, I like that way of looking at it :)

        Good bands ;)

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        • iEatZombies_

          lol Me, too.

          Thank you. It's very unorganized.
          Nice pic.

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          • dom180

            I imagine it took a lot less effort than yours :P Unless you're an especially effortless drawer or I'm especially bad at looking for pictures of Nicki Minaj.

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            • iEatZombies_

              Oh, it took me hours to draw that.
              But I don't know, that seems like a very creative pic of Nicki.

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  • handsignals

    I wouldn't mind sharing a cell with him.

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  • When in doubt, grow a nice beard! :D I love me some facial hair. Most girls are attracted to confidence, so I think becoming more self assure would greatly improve his attractiveness. He is not ugly!! He has a fine body type and facial features :)

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  • iEatZombies_

    Tell your friend next time he takes a pic, raise an eyebrow, crooked smile, tilt head slightly, stand up straight up straight shoulders back. Ta da he goes from 3 to 4.

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    • Hayze

      I have already given him advice about his low self esteem posture.

      Sure, I will show him this comment and see what he says about the crooked smile and raised eyebrow idea. I am not sure it will be a good idea, but it is up to him to evaluate that.

      Thanks for your suggestions :)

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      • iEatZombies_

        Either he'll pull off the crooked smile/raised eyebrow and look mysterious and badass, or he'll look like a creep. I'll root for the former.

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  • He's around average, but I can see if some person would see him slightly above average.

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  • tripw7

    Like you say, (I didn't see any picture) everyone is likable to someone. Sometimes is sexual attraction, sometimes it's personality. Sometimes it's because of a nice voice. It could be anything.
    All you have to do, is be nice. Someone will come to be with you.

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    • I think the picture is awaiting moderation or something went wrong. Found no guidelines for size restrictions or supported formats :S. Hope it works soon, because it is critical to the question.

      Thank you for your response. I agree entirely :) I need to prove to my friend that he should let go of this particular fear and not let it hold him back from talking to ladies.

      Oops... could you vote again please? I tried to add the photograph in edit mode and I lost your vote :(

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  • Sog

    I talked to your friend too and he told me that if you had sex with him it would greatly improve his self esteem.

    That's just between you and me though.

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    • Sog

      Hey, don't downvote me. I'm just trying to help this poor guy out ;)

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      • Hayze

        I nearly downvoted you on that. I am pretty sure he does not want sex because in this town that is easy to get. What he wants is a romantic interest.

        It is a fair comment that being in the dreaded friend-zone does not help a man's self esteem much.

        The friend-zone is just a name for when a woman does not find a man attractive. As far as I know we ladies have never had to find a special name for when a man does not find us sexy enough. We call it "unlucky this time".

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        • CozmoWank

          Hayze dear, any chance you are the original poster?
          What are the odds that you and the Anonymous Poll Creator both know what the guy wants and the town he lives in?
          : )

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          • Hayze

            Of course I am!

            Gold star for you *

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        • Sog

          Oh... okay...

          *rolls eyes*

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          • Hayze

            What made you "roll eyes" though? I am curious...

            Hey I know what it feels like to be attracted to somebody who does not reciprocate. It is sad and a shame, but it is part of life.

            Besides, I am fairly confident that my friend can see what an awful match we would be for so many different reasons.

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  • i think he looks good

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  • (s)aint

    Nothing wrong with him, no-one I'd date since I like my men tall with long hair ( I'm over 6 ft myself)

    But if he works with his self-esteem he shouldn't have worse issues than any other man with getting a girl.

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