My friend rarely acknowledges what i say

I've got a friend that's not very socially tact or... aware. He tells me that I'm the first friend he's made in years. He's in his mid-twenties. He still lives with his parent and has significant man-child tendencies. (rages at video games, is easily upset by minute things, talks about "best girls" and shit)

When I text or talk with him his has a tendency to either dismiss what I say to move on to his topic, or ignore what I say entirely, talking about his thing without acknowledging mine at all. I suspect that he's on the autistic spectrum, but I dunno.

He also has a huge tendency to share wayyy too much info about a given subject (usually a video game or anime) that he's interested in. He doesn't seem to realize that I'm disinterested, or that he's been talking for as long as he does.

He's got a good heart, but Christ I hope his social skills improve.

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Comments ( 5 )
  • ibrokemyds

    autistic person here - yeah that sounds like autism lol, specifically moderate or 'level 2' autism.

    if it makes you feel better he's probably not doing it on purpose, he'll be feeling the same disinterested you're feeling about his newest anime but hasn't realised the socially acceptable thing is to let the other person talk for a while and at least pretend to be interested. or he's just too excited about his new hyperfixation to give a shit about anything else.

    the anime thing sounds like a special interest. you know when you see those autistic kids who are really into trains and it's basically all they think about? that's a special interest, an obsession with something that sticks around for years. pretty common in people with autism and adhd. there's also a separate category of hyperfixations, which are like special interests except they last much shorter (for me it's anywhere between 3 weeks and 2 months). eventually you get tired of them and then find a new thing to be really into to get that sweet sweet dopamine boost that comes with liking a thing lol.

    I'm not trying to give him a free pass tho, eventually you've gotta buck up and teach yourself some social skills. I was around 15 when I sat down and tried to teach myself how to be more empathetic, and it apparently worked since I have people actively come to me to vent now. I still hate being in those situations most of the time but now I'm able to at least pretend I don't, and I'm pretty sure that's what most non-autistic people are doing anyway lol

    TL:DR - he's probably autistic, which is why he's bad socially and has obsessive interests, but that's not a free pass for him to not even pretend to care.

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    • This is a really insightful comment, thank you.

      Because I suspect that he is autistic, I try not to comment on his social unawareness, since I feel like it wouldn't do any good, at least at our current friendship. I'm patient and if he wants to go on and on about Pokemon or some shit I'll let him and participate, but eventually I do need to talk to him about it.

      I don't wanna be one of those neurotypicals that infantilizes neurodivergent people and just assumes they don't/can't know any better, and obviously our friendship can't go very far if I'm constantly bored by his tangents, or frustrated by his dismissiveness.

      I've known him for less than a year, but over the 8 months, he has been improving with our interactions, which is nice. It really shows how integral it is to have friends in order to develop your social skills.

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      • HarmonysHarp

        You're such a cool friend for taking the time to try to understand.

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  • idkyourmom27

    say something good then, pussy

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  • RoseIsabella

    Yeah, I think your friend would lose me at the rages at video games thing. Probably have a literally zero interest in video games to tell you the truth.

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