My friend is living with her internet boyfriend after 3 weeks!

One of my best friends recently started talking to a guy online. He lived in wolverhampton and she lives in hastings. Once they had been talking for about 2 weeks they told each other they loved each other, then he came to visit her. They hit it off really well and now he is moving in with her in her parents house and her uni rooms during term time. I am very happy for her that shes found someone that makes her this happy but I am worried because it is all so quick. They have been going out for less than a month. I am worried that the guy is not quite what he seems... he was apparently in the army and went to iraq. He said that he went there when he was 17- is that possible?! He was then discharged due to grief from seeing his friend die. When they started talking he was apparently a prision guard, however he has now given that up and has a job on the tills in asda near where she goes to uni. I am worried that he may have been lying about his past, but I might just be being paranoid. Does it sound likely? Also he has very little money. I have lent them money on several occasions, but they still seem to be able to afford cigarettes. Am I being taken advantage of?!! The other thing is that they have spoken about getting married soon, they want to be engaged by the end of the summer and get married next spring. I am very much in support of marriage, but this seems too fast. Also he was engaged before. He got engaged at new year and it ended a few weeks ago. I found this out from viewing his online profile on a social networking site. One day the three of us were talking and she mentioned an email his ex had sent her, saying that he was engaged to her and left her for my friend. At the time I asked if he had been engaged and he denied it. Later that night (I was drunk at the time) I told my friend that he had been engaged and she said she knew and asked how I knew. I told her. I don't know if they had decided not to tell my before because she knew it would worry me, or he only told her that afternoon or what? And the other thing is that she might be pregnant, or if she isn't she is likely to become so as they never use protection. She says if it happens it happens and they will keep the baby. However she is smoking and drinking a lot, so she clearly doesn't care that much about it. I just want whats best for her and for her to be happy. But I hate her lying to me about stuff (which I know is happening quite a bit atm... it's mainly just little things, but if shes lying about the little things she might be about the big things too). What should I do? Should I just leave her to it and accept that it's not gonna change and that this is the way things are going to be from now on? Also, I am worried that I am thinking about it too much! Is that normal?!!

Voting Results
26% Normal
Based on 80 votes (21 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 12 )
  • sillylittlewolfgirl

    Speaking as someone who has done the online relationship thing i can tell you that while it works for some .. some it doesn't.I got lucky and met the most wonderful guy and as of September we will have been together for 1 year.
    My friends back home did the same thing ,worried over the same things you are worrying over . Ill tell you what i told them.
    as my friend i wish you would support my decision as an adult. I dont need another mommy in my life , if something does go wrong all i need is for you to be there to help me pick up the pieces,but if its not in your power to be able to do that then i understand and wont think any worse of you.

    -shrugs-

    thats just my 2 cents worth

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • jenjy

      Thank you :)
      It's really helpful to hear from someone whos been in a similar situation!
      They are still together now and as far as I know she is still really happy. Hopefully it will stay this way and if not I'm sure she knows that I am here if she needs me. I have now accepted the relationship and just wish her every happiness. It does make me feel more secure tho knowing that there are situations where people have had the same fears and it has all turned out well!
      Congratulations btw on your relationship :)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Jim_Pfoss

    Sounds like she's an adult and gets to make her own decisions no matter how ill-advised they might be.
    The fact that she is lying and/or withholding information from you should tell you that you are prying into places where your attention is not welcome.
    If you want to keep this friendship, you need to back off. It may be that there's just no room in her life for you right now.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • jenjy

      OK thank you. That sounds sensible... I just needed a second opinion to see what other people thought about the situation! I will support her decisions but try not to get so involved myself.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • flipflapflop

    omg, my mum of 49 years old, started to speak with a guy on the internet, over the phone. After about a month he came to London from Wales! Brought all his stuff and was living with us. My mum always makes decisions and never thinks them through, me and my sister had to live with the guy who was a stranger to us AND my mum for a good while until, after many arguments, and also because he acted slightly different when my mum was present and when she wasn't, i told my mum to throw him out! He is still living close to us as he likes my mum very much and he is a very nice guy, just as long as we don't live together. I know the situation is quite different from yours but again quite the same. I think the only thing you can do is warn her, tell her your worries, give her advice and if something goes wrong you will be there to help her. If you go against it too much she wont appreciate it and also, no matter how good friends you are, it is not your place to get in the middle. As hard as it may be all you can do is stand aside and watch... give her advice on choices she has to make and if she makes the wrong one, help her "get back up". hope everything turns out ok!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • bleach_baby

    take them on Jeremy Kyle! :P

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • DES

    On line dating scares the shit out of me they can make up this whole other person. You can't meet there fam or friends and you don't know anything real about them so you start off in a lie I've been there for a friend who did the same stupid thing he turned out to be an ass and left but wish the best to you and your friend

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • silly_person

    if i were you, i would be worried too, because, after all she is your friend..but..the thing is..she seems to be willing to live her life concerning only what she and her boyfriend(?) want..and maybe it is bad for you to keep your had filled with their problems. in my poor advise..dont let them ake advantage of you, and dont let their situation get to you. it might be hard to try and ignore their problems, but if you dont, you will be uneasy, maybe sad or mad, all the time.. ._.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Scrat

    The guy is serial killer !!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • CholenaxxBabii

    Yeah, your friend went wayyyy to fast! like seriously..i mean what if she went to meet this guy and turned out he was some rapist or something? and she never came home..If shes doing something like that now, and that relationship doesnt work, who knows what the next guy on there is gonna be like you know?? oh, by the way. you cant join the army until youre 18.. and idk just from what youre telling me his story seems too far fetched. I mean if he was a Prison Officer they make REALLY GOOD MONEY!! The guy must be stupid to leave that..and if he had "such good jobs" in the past, right now he should be having a quite comfortable pay, you know? And for you, i think you are being a good friend, cause i would do the same ( plus im just snoopy ) lol. i like to get to know person, without asking them, if you know what i mean haha.. Eh just keep an eye on him.. Men, are all sneaky i think.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Lettuce12345

      you can join the army at 17 . i was in the air force and in my group was a 17 year old who had to have all kinds of waivers and stuff . u can do it if u graduated HS already and have parental permission.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
    • Its_Called_Love

      Also if he did get good money, where is it now...? I personally would cut ties with your friend if she doesn't listen to reason, mainly because people who make their own problems annoy me and sisters before misters. I'd hate to see the trainwreck she is making of life. Just learn from her obvious mistakes and find smarter friends.

      Comment Hidden ( show )