My first year of marriage, iin?

19% Normal
10 Comments

Hello everyone, I feel I've been having issues in my first year of marriage. I feel like my husband doesn't like me that much and I know it wasn't like this a year ago. He doesn't talk to me much, we exchange brief stories of our day when we see each other sometimes, but that's it. When I try and talk to him outside of that he isn't very interested, almost annoyed. I end up feeling very lonely and sad, he isn't physically far away (just the other room) but he might as well not even be in the same house.

He spends a lot of time either napping or playing video games (Overwatch/WoW etc). I made an effort to connect with him over video games and played Diablo (his favorite game) on our Xbox. I ended up gaining every achievement too! But now he plays PC games that I can't join. I wish he would even try, but I get the feeling that if I were to leave he would be relieved to be rid of me. Maybe I am over thinking things, maybe not. IIN?

Voting Results
19% Normal
Based on 31 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Murun
    7 years ago

    Men who still play video games aren't really ready for marriage.

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    • Tealights
      7 years ago

      Welp, by this generalization, I guess this means every female and male gamer out there are doomed (myself and boyfriend included :/ ).

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  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    Was he this consumed with lame ass video games a year ago? I personally think you should talk to him, and maybe go to couples counseling together. If he's too much of an asshole to go with you then see a therapist on your own. If you don't have any kids yet, don't be afraid to leave him.

    Feeling lonely when you're alone is one thing, but feeling lonely when you're with someone can be an absolute nightmare. Don't be afraid to cut your losses, and go it alone. This guy is probably just wasting your time, and bringing you down! I dunno who the main breadwinner is, but if it's you then dump his ass like a steaming pile of poo. Seriously, he sounds more like a lazy, selfish, self-centered little boy than a man. Don't be a afraid to dump his loser ass.

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  • funlovingbitch
    7 years ago

    First year is hardest you are now living as a single unit .he seems to be forgetting this he still acting as a single doing what he wants .you have made the effort by lowering yourself to his level by playing computer games.you both need some special time together a romantic meal.just you and him no computer games no mobile phone.unplug from the computer age .spice it up a little some nice sexy underwear stockings that should jog his memory why he married you hopefully

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  • White_Flight
    7 years ago

    This is why men should never get married. Marriage does nothing for men. He should have just had sex with you and moved on. Neither one of you are happy and this marriage won't last much longer.

    To be fair to women also, I wouldn't recommend marriage for them either. Whoever is bringing more into the marriage, stands to lose the most.

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  • rltg4711
    7 years ago

    He is what he is and he is not about to change, even if really wanted to. That's his personality and it always will be.
    Either accept that for the rest of your life or leave him and find a better life where you are appreciated.

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  • Handyman
    7 years ago

    After a year all I could think of was sex. Leave him!

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  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    Just build better communication.

    I could bad mouth your husband's gaming habits, but there's probably much more to it than just him gaming too much. He's probably gaming a lot more out of stress and probably to escape what's been bugging him (not you).

    Stop being the damsel in distress and talk to him, and inquire about his feelings before assuming anything. Be his support. Ask him what's been on his mind lately, because you've noticed he's gaming and sleeping a lot more. Sleeping more is a small indicator of depression, and gaming is an effective distraction from reality; basically he's going through some shit and coping poorly (I personally did this as well). Confess that you tried to join him in games to connect because you've felt he's been distant, but realize it wasn't working well and just want to know what's been going on with him lately. You're worried.

    I must warn you though, men don't like to talk about their feelings, so don't push him if he gives short vague answers. However, don't take it personally either and show him patience. Instead, if he does the 'men don't have feelings,' thing then just sit with him in silence as he plays, even ask about the game he's playing and reminisce on good funny moments you two share in the relationship if possible (this should loosen him up a bit), and when the time is right, ask again what's been bothering him lately. Good luck.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      We use to have great communication and were best friends, but he seems to shut down when it comes to me now. Gaming IS his way of dealing with stress, he hates his job. He is unwilling to look for other work (I even looked up and showed comparable job postings), he isn't even willing to send in a resume to see if he gets a interview. He likes his coworkers too much to leave.

      He has been at school for the last couple months though and has been worse than ever. He consider school a "vacation" from "real life" and plays more games now than usual.

      He isn't depressed, he naps a lot because he is up until 3am-5am playing. There are times he sleeps in or misses work because he was up too late the night before. I've told him my concerns continually and feel like I'm simply becoming background noise.

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      • Tealights
        7 years ago

        Yeah, he's definitely in a rut. Read this, dear: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/definition/con-20032977

        However, hanging on to a shity job for the co-workers is a terrible excuse for not finding better work, which means he needs to get his priorities straighten out.

        Also, since you're his support system, you're greatly affected by this as well and may need to take a breather of your own before diving back in to see if you can help him. Make time for yourself, because this is going to be a bit of a uphill battle (you may need to find him a therapist, if he's willing). Along with that, try not to take him being like this personally, because you know what the root of the stress is.

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