My first serious post

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11 Comments

I'm a user that likes to joke around a lot on here, and in life.

However, today my baby brother confessed to me that he has been bulimic for the past 7 years. I know male eating disorders are rare, to say that I was shocked would be an understatement.

I love my brother. He has always been my best friend, always been there for me no matter what, always seemed so together. He has had a successful career and dating life, and has participated in professional triathlons for years.

Obviously he needs psychiatric help, treatment, support. Obviously, I will be doing a lot of research.

I know a lot of people here have been through hard times, struggled with addictions, disorders, problems...life in general. So tell me, my lovelies, how can I be the best sister I can be? What can I do to help my brother/best friend? I know there is no magic combination of words that will heal the ones we love the most, but I'm wondering if there is anything that anyone in your life said or did to help you in a time of need.

Oh, anyone who reports this for not being an is it normal is a FUCKING CUNT.

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Comments ( 11 )
  • iEatZombies_
    9 years ago

    My fiance has been anorexic since he was 14. He's currently 6'5, 150lbs, and 28 years old. It's an incredible struggle to get him to eat one entire meal and a snack per day, but we've been managing. I'm not one-upping you, I just want you to know I understand where you're coming from.
    It's going to be more difficult for your brother because men will treat him like he's a 'fag' and that it's a 'girl's disease'. What you will have to do is help him with his confidence and make him feel secure and stable. A lot of anorexics develope the disease because they felt like they had no control over their environment. Don't try to tell him what to eat or to eat more. Don't compliment or reprimand his body. Keep the focus on building self-esteem and off of superficial matters until you can speak to a professional about what behavious you should apply. Don't engage in weight comparison. Don't make him feel guilty. You need to be comfort he can turn to when he's upset, so he doesn't take comfort in starving.

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    • CountessDouche
      9 years ago

      Thank you so much for your reply...you have no idea how much it means to me. I guess I don't feel the need to go anon OP on this issue because it seems to be all about shame and hiding, and fuck that, really. I actually took a while to even read the responses here because this news was so incredibly emotional for me.

      You are 100% correct. This issue is complicated by the fact that society considers disordered eating to be a "female issue," and I'll admit, part of the fact that I didn't see this coming is probably due to the fact that my brother is male.

      The more reading I do, the more I wonder if my brother's excessive athletic career was symptomatic of his disorder. He was a sponsored triathlete and had to regulate his diet accordingly: massive amounts of calories followed by 6 hours plus a day of working out- it seems like a binge/purge mentality to me.

      I agree with your advice. I don't think I would ever comment on my brother's body to begin with- that would be fucking weird. Also, we've always had a very accepting relationship...it was always about being there for one another no matter what...no "I told you so's"' when you made a mistake, just "I love you anyway."

      I want to help him, but I'm very scared of saying the wrong thing. I want him to know that I accept him and love him unconditionally, but I also don't want to contribute to his disease.

      I'm admittably lost here. I would love to hear your fiance's perspective, or yours.

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  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    I don't personally know a lot about bulimia, as far as whether it's classified as a disorder or as an addiction, or both?

    I would just suggest you make sure he knows you're there for support & if he wants to talk you're always available.
    Maybe offer to go with him to a support group?

    Also make it clear his choices don't affect just him.
    Sometimes it's easy to think you're only hurting yourself & that doesn't matter but the realization your actions affect those you care about so much can put a different perspective on things..

    Battling any addiction is something you have to really want but his confession to you suggests he's on the right path.

    Good luck to you both!

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    I used to have on and off anorexia as well as other types of EDs. When I was going through the bouts, what I hated the most was the judgemental and untrusting attitude people bestowed upon me, the threats to put me away, etc.

    Give him compassion and support. Try not to judge him - sometimes it is very difficult getting people who have never had EDs to understand the struggle. if you want to get a better idea, reading personal stories should help. Let him know that if he needs someone to talk to, that you will always be there.

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    • CountessDouche
      9 years ago

      Thank you so much for your reply. I'm worried about the same thing. I do not want to alienate my brother by being accusatory or suspicious, but I also do not want to contribute to his disease, enable it. I'm not sure how to approach the situation. By nature, eating disorders are considered to be shameful and secretive...I'm sure he would feel better if I left him alone with his disease...but I'm not sure that's the best way to help him. I have no idea what I'm doing!

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  • gashlover
    9 years ago

    why so cynical?

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    • CountessDouche
      9 years ago

      How is that cynical?

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  • TareBear20
    9 years ago

    Voice your concern to him. Compliment him, tell him he looks good. If he feels good about himself, he'll be less likely to force himself to puke if he starts feeling more confident.

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    • iEatZombies_
      9 years ago

      It sounds like it would be good advice, but telling an anorexic they look good encourages their behaviour. It makes them feel like the diets are working. All superficial matters should remain off limits. He needs confidence in other things so he can feel good inside and bring it outward.

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      • TareBear20
        9 years ago

        Maybe true in some cases, but my best friend stopped shoving her finger down her mouth the more I said she already looks fabulous. ^_^

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        • iEatZombies_
          9 years ago

          I think it's good that you were a good friend to her and I think it helped, but this case is more severe. It's a man, which is going to get him backlash, and he never told his sister who sounds close to him. You have to be more careful about someone he feels this alone.

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