My dog is not a good listener

My dog is not a god listener. Mans' best friend, huh. Yeah right. He barely notices me. He never asks me about my day or how I feel. We never talk about our relationship. When we snuggle watching TV on the sofa, he keeps hinting he wants to watch sports or nature documentaries. Then licks his unmentionables and straight to bed.
The bromance has gone. The cat has also been caught by the local police for larceny and petty theft from the local grocery. She won't get help for her kleptocracy and is extremely fat-phobic, chasing down local fat people and biting their chubby bacon-cheese-KFC flavoured feet.