My boyfriend wont allow me to have any contact with his family

25% Normal
14 Comments

Firstly...sorry if it seems like a teenage drama, too much rambling, it might be but I need some advice...I am 19 and he's 20 and we both live with our parents. We've been together for about a year and a half and are living in different cities, at about 30-40 minutes by car from eachother. We text a lot and see eachother about once a week, more or less. My issue is that I can't possibly understand his defensive attitude each time I mention wanting to meet anyone from his family. He promised to organise a meeting in between his parents and I and I gave him more than one deadline, it has been about 5 months since the first one so I feel like he doesn't even take me seriously...finally he admitted that he never intended to go on with it and tried saying he did it for my own good. I literally took every single thing into consideration and was very open and upfront about each and every one of the options we had. The only thing he keeps repeating was that they do not want to see me and are not at all curious about me...and while I could understand it he was way too shady about it and it's tearing me apart...as much as he says he's proud of me and he loves me...is he embarassed of me? Is he afraid of something? Is he really just not that commited to our future? I am a very open-minded person, yet the fact that someone who is saying to want me to spend the rest of my life with him won't even allow me to visit him once is making me so stressed out and is helping my anxiety destroy me. I feel really bad for being so insistent but a lot has happened and I really don't think I can go on with our relationship if this goes on...my question here is: is it normal for him to do everything he can to hide me from his parents and family? Not even allowing me to stay near him when his parents might be around or me visit his place?

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25% Normal
Based on 20 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • (s)aint
    8 years ago

    He´s hiding something from you.

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    He's hiding something from you which would come out into the open if you met his family: a wife? kids? criminal convictions?

    What's stopping you from contacting them direct and checking out if they even know you exist, let alone would be happy to meet you?

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    • RoseIsabella
      8 years ago

      I agree!
      *pushes thumbs up*

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    • NYXX
      7 years ago

      Or maybe he's hiding the fact that his parents may be nutjobs/abusers/alcoholics/etc. and he's embarrassed about them. Why not consider this? Why does it always have to be negative connotations when there are a plethora of other reasons that are not so negative?

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      • Ellenna
        7 years ago

        Ummm ........his parents possibly being nutjobs/abusers/alcoholics/etc isn't negative???? And of course it could be for any of those reasons

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        • NYXX
          7 years ago

          I meant negative as in painting him in a negative light based on drug use, having a girlfriend/boyfriend/etc... It may not really be his fault at all, but he's being unfairly judged for it. Anyway, I think she should have an open talk with him and if I were him I'd tell her the truth about being embarrassed about my parents if that were the case. A relationship doesn't fix itself without open communication. There should be understanding and empathy from both sides.

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          • Ellenna
            7 years ago

            Oh OK I get what you meant now. And yeah I agree totally with the rest of your post and if I were her I'd be doing some insisting: he's keeping some secret from her, that's for sure

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  • NYXX
    7 years ago

    I actually understand how he feels and would probably be in the same position. I'm ashamed and embarrassed by the parents that adopted me. I would feel embarrassed for anyone to know about them. It does not make him or me a 'bad' person. Don't listen to the people that are saying there is something 'wrong', because that might not be the case. He might merely be ashamed for having alcoholic or weird parents. How is that his fault?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      I always was open about everything with him...I would NEVER judge him for them...or think any less of him...and I told him that. I don't particularly like them...but from that to hiding and lying that he's with someone else when he's with me....even in front of his cousin? Perhaps I should listen to you...either way I want nothing more than his happiness so I'll trust him for now

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  • Boobmaster68
    8 years ago

    He is covering g something up. Confront him and don't let him off the hook until you meet his family or break up.

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    • RoseIsabella
      7 years ago

      The Master of Mammaries has spoken!
      >:-D

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    He's either ashamed of you, ashamed of his family and or ashamed of what secrets his family might tell you about him. None of this is good! He's lying about some big stuff to you.

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  • bleach_baby
    8 years ago

    I doubt he's embarrassed by you or that this has anything to do with you - it's natural for women to assume they are the problem, I doubt this is the case. The way I see it, it's one of two options:

    1) He is embarrassed of his family, not you. They might be abusive, crazy, poor, or just downright lame.

    2) He has a girlfriend at home.

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    • NYXX
      7 years ago

      1) Exactly this. I feel with this. Some people have messed up parents that they're embarrassed about and they have every right to be. This should be about her and her bf, not his parents. Stop pressuring him to do something that he's sensitive about.

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