My boyfriend won't turn the heat on when it is below freezing outside.

What should I do? My fiance won't turn the heat on when I stay over at his place (which is only about once a month). I was at his place tonight, and I got up out of his bed and drove 30 miles home to my house, it's 1 a.m. My feelings are really hurt. He stays at my place and turns the heat up to 74, often, knowing that I try to keep the heat at or below 70 to save money, as well as make it comfortable. Now please understand, the weather here in MO has been below freezing. Only around 19 at night and about 26 in the day. It's currently 16 and there is ice on the ground and cars. I try to make him comfortable when he is at my house. I buy almost all the food and cook it and wash the dishes. We occasionally see a movie, about once every 2 months, when he wants to see one. I know that he is frugal, I am too. However, he makes really good money driving a truck, and doesn't have to use the heat at his place very often. He usually comes to my place, where there is a hot meal waiting and I am looking pretty, waiting for him all week. I have talked with him about how cold it is in his house and he promised me again tonight that he would use the heat.(He turned it on and off for awhile while we watched tv tonight, but I was so cold, fully dressed, and had to put a coat and a blanket over me on the couch) I woke up with my nose, ears and hair just freezing and couldn't help but get pissed off! My feelings are hurt. I told him that I couldn't see myself marrying someone who doesn't care enough to keep me warm. I don't know if I was unfair to say that and to leave, but I really do feel bad about this. Also, I'm beginning to think he is really cheap. We don't go on dates and he doesn't give me money...ever. Please understand, I don't ask him for money, ever. We are in our late forties and have been dating nearly a year and are engaged to be married. I don't have a ring yet, but he says he is paying on one. He wants a lot of sex too. I can't complain about that part of it, but I'm beginning to feel a little confused. What would you do? Regarding the heating, I know it costs money to heat a home, and I don't expect the heat to even be over 60 degrees at night. But this seems ridiculous to me. I think he just hates to spend the money when it comes time to fill the propane tank, however, I have already spent over 700 filling mine this fall and winter. I would like to hear any advice. Thanks.

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Based on 109 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • DannyKanes

    Find a new fiance

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  • MercedesBenz

    I wanted to add-- it really sounds like you go out of your way for this man, you're very mindful and considerate of him. But, it does not sound like it is being returned. It sounds like you are being put on a backburner, and not being treated like the priority you should be. I suggest a 'heart to heart' or maybe some extensive soul searching on your side.

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  • MercedesBenz

    Geez! That is horrible. I live near the same area as you and it has been about 15-20 degrees at night here as well. I could not stand it to not turn the heat on. He does not sound frugal, he sounds cheap. Most truck drivers in the state of Missouri average between $75,000-$120,000 a year which is twice to three times the average income for the state. So that is excellent money for MO. I am curious as to what his motivation may be. I would suggest you bring along a small space heater for the room to make a broad statement. Or, an even better approach-- just not agree to stay the night with him during the season. Let him know you two obviously have very different sleeping styles and you cannot risk getting sick for his comfort or frugality. Your health is of the utmost importance.

    The important thing here is to recognize that you've obviously got doubts about this man. Either you can talk and work them out with him, or it is best to move on. That decision is ultimately yours. Best of lck.

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  • lilrebel80

    Its negative 22 degrees in Canada lol. If it wasn't for the Furnace I'd be frozen solid, I don't blame ya for being pissed

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  • Hard_Candy

    Ok Girl, let me break some things down to you because you really need advice. Ever heard the saying a wet pussy and a dry purse don't go together. Think about that one for a minute...

    Why are you supplying this man's needs when he isn't doing the same for you? If his home isn't comfortable why are you allowing him to come over to your home, use your utilities, eat all your food, have sex with you... He is using you. Here's another saying for you, a man will only do what you allow him to do. You need to tell him "When you decide to put on some heat and treat me the way I deserve to be treated call me." Close your legs and your home to him immediately.

    You're thinking of marrying this man? Sweety that would be the worst mistake of your life. They don't get better after marriage, they get worse and more comfortable in their ways. There are worse things than being single. Take care of yourself and your home, cut this man off immeditaely and look for a real man. This one is a loser. Learn from your mistakes and move on. You're young enough to find someone else; he's not going to change not at 40 something. You seriously need to love yourself more and demand better! Respect yourself!

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  • dafattyfat

    turn it up yourself
    or just throw ice at him

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  • why dont you be more assertive about the heating. pin him down with questions like "how long are you going to have the heating on?" take a small notebook and mark down dates,ambient temperatures and duration of heating. openly check the times it was on with how long he said and either give a tick or cross. i find this amusing but you will lose him or change him. ps im as warm as toast dont be a mouse. No 4

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