My boyfriend left without telling me

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35 Comments

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Last night I was having an emotional talk with my boyfriend about being depressed and feeling lonely and left out bu my 'friends'. Now i havn't been able to get ahold of him all day and havn't heard from him either. His cellphone is not available. This prabably means he's gone on a ski trip out of range. Is it normal to be pissed off about this.... a heads up would have been nice and it's certainly not helping me feel any less lonely and left out.

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Based on 66 votes (33 yes)
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Comments ( 35 )
  • Alison89
    12 years ago

    Wait until you find out why you haven't been able to contact him before you decide to be angry. If he was busy or injured in some way, you're not helping the relationship by not being an understanding person.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    mark 777,

    how on earth is wanting a heads up selfish? I'm not asking for a minute by minute update of his whereabouts at every second of the day. And believe me we both have plenty of independance from each other in this long distance relationship.

    I'd say fucking off with no communication or consideration for somebody you're supposed to care about is a little more selfish. Certainly he's been just as pissed at me when I've done that in the past to him, so I MAKE SURE NOT TO DO IT ANYMORE.

    I'm stoked for him to go do his own thing, for fucks sake! Why do you think i've been long distance for this long without pressuring him to move out here? It's because I recognise that he has his friends and the things he loves out where he is and i'd hate him to loose that. Unfortunately I can't move right now so I try to make it work and that's where a little communication is nice!

    If I felt bad about how thsat lady feels about men and her obviously wonderful husband, that I feel REALLY bad for whoever you're with... or probably the many people who are probably dropping your ass when they realise how lame you are. But of course they were all selfish whores or crazy right?

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      Well your wrong. I dont hate women, I just recognize that they are in one way or another whores.

      that doesnt mean I hate them. I just don't love them very much.

      take a look arround. since women started gettng to vote theyve bought in a bunch of laws to make sure they can get their greedy hands on their ex husbands money.

      at least a prostitute tells you the price up front.

      I read womens magazines, all they talk about is how to bag mr big bucks and then fuck arround behind his bak with fabio, justify it to yourself and eat 4 litres of icecream.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    This happens to me all of the time.

    There's nothing you can do until he comes back. When he does tell him it upset you. If he continues to do it, and you don't like it, you pretty much either have to accept it, or break up with him.

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      Try thinking about him instead of yourself. might be an idea.

      and I don't mean thinking about how to make him feel good so you can keep him hooked on you.

      I mean recognizing his independence from you. (you selfish whore) ehem, excuse me.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    I have talked with him about it now, it's just a case of not taking the time to give me a heads up, which kinda sucks when you know he's probably out in the backcountry somewhere. I'm all for him having fun but I also don't think it's unreasonable to have an idea where he is. Then I don't worry if he's unreachable.

    In a long distance relationship communication is everything.

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      Mabey that's just your opinion, he obviously doesnt think so.

      so the question is, are you acnowledging that fact ?

      or is your head still rooted firmly up your ass ?

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Forgive me but he's probably sick of listening to you moaning. He maybe doesn't want to hear your emotional problems if he's planning to go out and have a good time. He doesn't want you dampening his spirits.

    He's a man - enuf said!!

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    • fralanasko
      12 years ago

      I feel really sorry for whoever you're dating. They must feel really lonely and unsupported.

      But (presuming you are a guy) I guess that just can't be helped due to your manly ways. All us girls should just suck it up.

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      • joybird
        12 years ago

        haha No I'm female - but I've been with the same man for almost 30 years and I know exactly how they think!!

        Just telling you how it is.
        He wants to be a happy chappy and not listen to you if you're not making him feel good.

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        • mark777
          12 years ago

          Yep, that's right.

          no one likes a gaping wound that demands attention under threat of angriness.

          hes like, Im heading for tha hills baby yeah !

          sweet home alabama.. bitch gone an Im happay.

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          • joybird
            12 years ago

            You're bad!!

            It's just that men are 'fixers' and if you're complaining about something that he can do nothing about, he feels helpless and that there's no point talking to you about it.

            As they commpartmentalise, he chooses to close the lid on that box and move on.

            It's always better to ask a man to help with something, if you just want to complain - phone a female.

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  • Energy
    12 years ago

    Yes, normal to feel sad and hurt. Or angry. Or all of those put together. I have been in your shoes. Long distance relationships are very hard..

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  • ANDYTREK247
    11 years ago

    It took me a long time to get over this but i did you will have to do the same it hurts yes but you will Be.A lot stronger person later.

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  • lc1988
    12 years ago

    My boyfriend is in Korea right now and will do this to me too. He'll take off for the weekend to Seoul without a word and gets mad when I'm going crazy because I don't know where he is. The only way I can talk to him is through skype or fb. I've come to realize guys just don't see it as a big deal even though if I were to do the same, he'd overreact as well. Anyways, we've come to an understanding and he does tell me if he'll be away so I'm not worried looking at North Korea news all night making sure they haven't started a war.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    Nice work! You made it through that whole post without mentioning sandwiches. You're getting somewhere!

    My roll in this society is to bring home the big bucks with my kick ass job! Do you have a kick ass job? Does it make the world a better place, pay you a great wage, and still leave you enough free time to troll the shit out of the Internet?

    Going back to school at this point would be silly. You're a silly guy.

    I'd go to school to learn how to clean If I was planning on being a cleaning lady.

    My biggest roadblock would happen if I followed you're advice to become a house wife.

    That whole system is kinda lame. As a man, do you really want sole financial responsibility? You'd have to pay for all my womanly needs... (therapy mostly). That's a lot more expensive than just hiring a cleaning service.

    What about having double the income and a sexy, happy, educated partner instead? Wouldn't that be more fun?

    Here's something else I've pondered, how do you feel about the way women get treated in places like Irac? It seems like most north American guys are against that kind of treatment of women. I mean, the bush administration used that as one of the rationalizations for starting a war. Yet you still want women to take a lesser role in this society as the "weaker sex". Our only purpose to support the needs of our husbands. Less violent maybe, but still oppressive.

    So what's the difference? Is it the level of oppression that makes the difference? the skin colour? The religion?
    Either way I'm curious.

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      Wow I didnt expect a response like that. I certainly dont have a kick ass job, neither do you, you just convinced yourself that you do. No one does really, unless you are a rock star, mega rich athelete, or lucky enough to win the lottery or found some other way to secure "fuck you" money.

      It does leave me enough time to troll my way through the day. In fact the world would be a better place with less bullshit if more people accepted the fact that we are nothing and going nowhere. Of course that sounds bitter, and mayby it is, doesnt change the fact that its true. Dont be mistaken I dont have any anger towards anyone or the world, I just think most of what makes up life is bullshit in one form or another, and everyone tries to cover it up or act like its not right in front of their face. I choose not to do that.

      As for sole financial responsibility, I dont want any responsibility, NONE. Not for myself and not for others.

      Since you also bring up the question of oppression, I dont really have an opinion on it one way or another, working to fix oppression in one spot of the world will just lead to it popping up somewhere else. Human history is littered with it and wars have been fought over it. I personally dont understand what motivation people in ridiculous third world countries find to keep them continuing with their pathetic lives especially considering just going to the market to buy food entails a major risk to life and limb from terrorist bombings. Same in Africa, where drinking water is so scarce humans have to fight crocodiles for the resource.

      In the end we are all just meat, publicly we decry those that treat humans as such, but accept it or not it is what we are and will always be. Sacks of decaying meat.

      Dont think me angry at all, I accepted what I was long ago, even though I am not old.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    The only "education' I'm getting right now is in how boring it is to try do debate anything with a troll.

    You're going to try to make the most inflammatory comment no matter what I say and there's no passion whatsoever because you have nothing invested in this.

    There's nothing original or particularly valid about your points and you keep repeating the same tierd point about sandwiches. Maybe I was expecting a little more from you?

    You're breaking a sweat and tiring out your scratching hand trying to shove me into a box that I just don't fit into. It's kinda like watching the cirque du solei.... But way more boring.

    I like a good debate, even a satirical one, but it would be nice to talk about how you really feel about your gender. Or atliest if you would show me a little more creativity here.... Come up with something new?

    Maybe bring in some points that could be considered relevant In this millennium?

    Embrace your troll dome with some originality and spice!

    Surprise me!

    Honestly you'll be a better troll if you do.... And I won't be so fucking bored and dissapointed by your argument.

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      Woman like yourself need to know their place and role in society and especially in the home. I cant help it if you seem to have a mental block against what your rightful place is. I.e., the kitchen cooking dinner, in the laundry room folding clothes, in the bathroom cleaning.

      I am trying to help you understand this. Did you look up a class yet? Any general home economics course should suffice, the biggest roadblock for you going ahead is changing your mentality about what your place is. Once we get that fixed everything else should fall into place. You seem to have some intellect, at least what passes for intellect in a woman, so you should be a quick learner, I suggest perhaps a couple different cooking classes just so you can get a few different recipe ideas instead of making the same boring tired few meals every week. Men like some variety in that regard.

      You should be polishing (delight pun if I do say so) up on your cleaning skills as well, you really dont need a class on this and I am not sure if they even offer one since I am man and cleaning chores are womanly duties.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    Are you by chance an Irish 'DJ' Mr. Patties?

    Do you spin mad beats to the fiddle?

    Can you Póg mo thóin?

    Slainte :)

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      Being self sufficient for a man comes from actually going out into the world, you know that big, scary thing that little girls like yourself are afraid of and working a job making money so that you can support a family.

      These are skills you should have been taught already, but its alright I dont mind helping you out, its not unusual to run into this problem in all honesty being that women (like yourself) are the fairer sex, though translated that means "weaker" sex.

      Try looking for home economics classes that are available at your local community college, they should help you get a leg up on those skills you will need in the future. Dont worry about the cost, handling money and taking care of finances are a man's job anyway so you go ahead and ask daddy to cut a check so that you can learn what your rightful place is. Daddy wont mind, he probably already pays for your makeup, clothes, car and insurance anyway.

      Try to pick a class that specializes in sandwich making if at all possible, judging from your comments you dont seem to know much about it.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    I realize the only point of your comment is to create contoversy with me because you'd have to have to be from 1932 to actually believe what you're typing... however, I'm still going to enjoy making fun of this so:

    ....oooh poor baby. Are you too busy trolling on the internet to do your laundry, especially all those skidmarked tighty whities. Are you too tierd from pretending to be a famous DJ to make yourself some lunch? Aww you must be so hingry. Here let me help you so I can show you what a good woman I am.

    Pathetic.

    'There is nothing manly about not being self sufficient in your activities of daily living.'

    That's comming straight from my boyfriend who is manly.
    Not a whiney little momma's boy who can't take care of his own shit.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    Djpatties

    Lame unoriginal comment.

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      Make sure to wrap that sandwich tight so that it stays fresh for him when he is hungry.

      If you havent started yet you should be encouraging him to bring his dirty laundry with him when he comes to visit you this way he can gauge exactly how well you know what your role is and how well you handle your womanly duties.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    @ joybird

    That's true, men are fixers. I agree it is better to phone a girlfriend to dismantle feelings.

    I just wanted to know he was safe, and not burried in an avalanche.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    ...not your light though.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    Alison89
    It's true! But it's so hard sometimes when you're lonely.

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      Well atleast your starting too see the light now.

      get a teddy bear and a pack of timtams.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    Ok I think I understand you a little better now.

    I'd be pretty warped too if I based my perceptions of women on shitty magazines... or my perception of anybody for that matter.

    You might think you don't hate women but you certainly don't respect them.

    That's your issue. You should probably try getting to know some real women instead of basing your perceptions on how they are portrayed by the mass media.

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  • bryson_willis
    12 years ago

    if it's only be a day or two, don't make any hasty decisions...
    :)

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    I make sure he knows if i'm going to be out of service somewhere so he doesn't worry.

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  • hemper
    12 years ago

    you gotta just show up on his doorstep one day... i hope you don't find something that you don't want to see lol

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    It's less of a left me forever and more of a left for the weekend without giving me a heads up he'd be out of range.

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  • BlueAlice
    12 years ago

    How do you know he just left you?!

    Give it a couple of weeks, then get in touch again and see what happens. If he doesn't answer you or seems unintersted, THEN you can say he's left.

    Otherwise, I think you need to calm down a little.

    Having said that, however, feeling the way you do is normal.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    You probably shouldnt be that concerned with where he is at as much as you should be concerned with his laundry getting done and that his house is nice and clean. Even being in a long distance relationship you should still be practicing for the eventual day when you perhaps do live together by doing laundry in your free time and practicing cooking instead of worrying about his whereabouts.

    If you were trying to contact him just to make sure his house is clean and shirts are ironed then thats understandable anything else would just be annoying.

    You should make him a sandwich and save it in the fridge so the next time you are with him he has something to eat.

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