My boyfriend is making me hate him and his friends

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19 Comments

Okay so here it goes, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 and a half years now. (We are both 20 by the way) For the first couple years of our relationship everything was amazing, we would always spend all our time together and do as much as we could together, from this I lost a lot of my very close friends and basically relied on him to be my best friend. Anyway I have a few of my close friends back now and over the past 7 months he has discovered his old friends and become obsessed with them, I mean like totally in love with them. He now has a job with one of them, they hang out at work and after work they will go back to his place and hang out more, on weekends there together.., ect you probably get the point
His friends are lovely and they like me, but my boyfriend now never really has time to see me, he is always saying he is busy with them or at work. Yes it makes me slightly jeleous but mainly angry, im starting to feel extremely lonely. We do not live together yet. I see him at the moment maybe twice a week for a few hours (some times sleep over)and this has been the case for half a year now. I have told him that he needs to make more time for me and still nothing has changed. I'm so sorry for the long paragraph, I haven't written something like this before there is actually so much more to this its almost a joke. But I love this guy and I know he loves me, we broke up once for Four weeks, and he chased me back. We both can see us having a future together , but with the way things are going I have NO idea what to do. Is this normal at all? And any opinions what do to? If you even managed to read all of this that would make me so happy, I just hope there is someone out there who understands what I'm dealing with

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34% Normal
Based on 29 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • dirtybirdy
    8 years ago

    You guys are still so young and will continue to change and grow. Possibly/likely grow apart. It happens all the time and the best thing you can do is be mature about it. Mistake #1 in new relationships is losing touch with friends. I've seen it so many times. I've done it myself. It's stupid, really.

    Now the friends are back. He missed them. He needs bro time. You need chick time. If you can't deal with being apart then you two are doomed already. There's no need for jealousy or hogging all his time, and he shouldn't hog yours. You want him to make more time for you but maybe he feels the 2 days a week are enough. You can't force him to want to spend more time. I think the two of you have different wants right now and perhaps the end is near. If you try forcing him to back away from his friends in order to make more time for you, you will push him away even more. I think it's time to really think hard about what's important in your life at this time.
    *hint* (it's not a relationship)

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    • dirtybirdy
      8 years ago

      In short, I think you guys have run your course.

      And your title view is a bit askew.

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    • RoseIsabella
      8 years ago

      The bird is the word!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Your absolutely right, thank you so much for your response, I' do feel like we have grown apart, I try and give him as much space as I can but when a few days have gone past I think it's a little ridiculous that we haven't meet up or anything especially when we have been together for 3.5 years. It makes me hate boys haha but yes I should not try and hog his time anymore, defentaly try and move on so he either misses me or I realise this is the wrong guy for me

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      • dirtybirdy
        8 years ago

        Don't let this one relationship alter your view of all men. You have plenty of time to find the right guy for you, and chances are that will be temporary too. In 10 years you will be a different person than you are now so even if you do find a super duper guy after this current one, once again you may grow apart somewhere down the road because everything is constantly evolving and changing. Some people truly are happy together forever but it's pretty rare. Personally, I'm much happier being single. It took years to realize that. Whatever happens, don't lose sight of yourself for someone else.

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  • Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
    8 years ago

    You need to get your groove on sister! Why is your life about him? Get your own life, embrace hobbies, make new friends, work out, learn a new skill etc. He will resent you demanding he take time away from living his life. If you want to create one together you'll need to build one of your own first. Sorry sister but you should be having such an amazing time being you that he starts having to chase you again to win you over! :)

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    • Eggflip69
      8 years ago

      Love this!!!! Thank you much for your reply, defentaly will get my grove on now :)

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      • Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
        8 years ago

        Damn right you get your groove on! :) Live your life like you really mean it. Be the cool girl. Smile, laugh, do something crazy once in a while. Take yourself out to dinner and a movie. Be a bit mysterious... It won't hurt him to wonder what you're doing, and get back to asking if he's good enough for you 'who was that?' 'Oh that's Ben from my salsa dancing class I asked him give me a quick call to remind me to bring a scarf.' Now there's a look that'll be priceless.

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        • Eggflip69
          8 years ago

          Hahahah I actually love you! Thank you so much, you just gave me a brighter way to look at this, and maybe I will leave my scarf at salsa dancing and ask Ben to bring it over!!!!

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          • Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
            8 years ago

            LMAO That's my girl! ;) with all your new activities he will be coming to you with a 'proposed life plan' before you know it and if he doesn't - You'll have heaps of new friends, be totally fearless, with abs like a rockstar (thanks salsa!) and a whole new set of problems with your next love interest. Hmmm 'so tell me again why I should sacrifice my fabulous life and move in with you?'...

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    • dirtybirdy
      8 years ago

      Damn it, why couldn't I explain it this way. Right on, sista!

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      • Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
        8 years ago

        Lol! I do feel that your advice has a certain subtlety and sensitivity that mine lacks. But together? Life saving techniques from chicks who know their stuff :)

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  • shuggy-chan
    8 years ago

    Your at the point where you both are "adults" but not really. There is alot of room for growing up for both of you and people do it at diffrent rates

    You need to focus on your growth and communicate with each other your Priorities toeach other

    Because at the moment they are out of wack for you both. And listen to the others ^^

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  • 53739
    8 years ago

    Maybe you should make him jealous by hanging out with your friends.

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  • RainbowFlash
    8 years ago

    His priorities have shifted. After the initial rush, the "new relationship energy" has run it's course he found that he is not as excited anymore. It's not a good sign.

    The short answer is that he is comfortable and is taking advantage of both you and the situation. He is not making an effort anymore because he has what he wants.

    The long answer is that he is not a good partner or person. If you do not fall in love every single day of your relationship it won't work out. You are putting more into it than he is, females are more mature from teens and through twenties than their male counterparts (that is why many females seek older partners) and he is still too immature. When you were both younger, your life goals matched up. I am sorry to say, but now they don't.

    He is not emotionally or maturity wise at the same level as you. Sorry, but you don't have much of a choice.. you either keep dating this kid and hope he matures sooner rather than later, or you dump his immature ass and move on with life and leave him to play games with his friends.

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  • amezng
    8 years ago

    Yep, normal.. You guys aren't married yet and when you're in a relationship try to stay connected with your friends as much as possible. I mean just cause you guys are in a relationship doesn't mean he's all yours, he still has work, friends, and family (if he has) and you guys don't even know if it'll last. I mean it's not like he's dating any women other than you. I mean, wouln't you be out with your girls too? ps, just cause three years it's about the connection built rather than how long it's built.

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  • Beep_Beep
    8 years ago

    relationships change. Make friends with his friends and hang out with them. You can always go home with him, sleep together, have sex, and make him breakfast in the morning.

    At 20 years old, the two of you have a lots of work to do if you want a decent future.

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  • mysistersshadow
    8 years ago

    They already said it better than I could. Your life can be fun with or without him its up to you to do it.

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    • Eggflip69
      8 years ago

      Your so right! Thank you so much xx

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