My biological family's sense of entitlement, iin?

97% Normal
8 Comments

My biological Mother had me at 21 and gave me up for adoption immediately. I am thankful for it because I was adopted by whom I consider to have been the best family I could have asked for. I have two younger siblings (naturally, by my adopted parents) and an entire family that may as well be blood family.

I found my biological Mother 2 years ago when I was 27 and things have been weird. The majority of family time is given to my adopted family: Holidays, weddings, baby showers, I bought my younger brother a used car last year because his broke down and he had yet to find stable employment and found out that he had a baby on the way... and my biological family sees these things a huge betrayals. The other day I got an angry FB message from my bio Mother for having visited my Mom and taking her out for her birthday but only having sent my bio Mother a card and a gift of chocolate strawberries for HER birthday. I was dumbfounded.

I feel like my adopted family has a higher priority in my life than my biological family. I don't believe that I should be expected to fill the role of daughter and big sister for my biological family the way they want me to simply because I am their blood relation. I send them presents and visit occasionally but by far I give more to my adopted family.

Is it normal that I feel like my biological family's expectation of me is entitlement and unwarranted?

Voting Results
97% Normal
Based on 30 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • TF4H
    8 years ago

    You are absolutely right in the way you feel. For what it's worth, I 100% agree.
    Though they may be your adoptive family, they took care of you, loved you, raised you, so of course they would mean more to you (feel like your family and they are) than someone who entered your life two years ago.
    The only thing your biological mother did was birth you. But, when she put you up for adoption (I don't know the circumstance(s) as to why), she gave up those rights legally to be your mother/family.
    The fact that you even remembered her (bio mother's) birthday and sent her a thoughtful gift, that should have been enough. So, I don't understand why this woman, who was not involved with your upbringing, who in fact, gave you up, would be resentful towards you.
    Aside from the fact that your adoptive mother did not give birth to you, she, and the rest of your adoptive family IS your REAL family.
    If anything, you're the one who should be expressing resentment towards the "family" that gave you up.
    You don't owe your biological mother/family anything.

    (I'm just curious, how did you get in touch with your biological mother? I'm not familiar with the law on this sort of thing, but isn't there one that prevents contact? Or is that only when the mother chooses to be "unknown", otherwise the kid can find out in the future?)

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    • TestedTurbo
      8 years ago

      My bio Father found me. He told me that my bio Mother did not even make him aware of my existence until I was around 8 (which was 8 years long gone). She gave him my parents' last name and whatever info she DID keep on them and he hired a PI to find me when he got out of the military a few years ago. I actually didn't have any interest in finding my bio family (I am happy with my adopted family).

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  • Charli.m's_Eternal_Period
    8 years ago

    Very unwarranted. Be glad you got adopted, and dump those biological bitches right now.

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  • LittleGirlCryingPainal
    8 years ago

    Most people on this website would have encouraged your mother to have an abortion.

    Cool story, sounds like your mother shit you out and now wants the benefits of being her son after you're all grown up.

    Very typical mindset of an entitlement mentality, your bio mother was in all likely hood a piece of shit needless to say.

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  • User-name
    6 years ago

    Coming from someome who had to watch her foster sister turn her back on what was her family through everything but blood I can relate to how your biological siblings must feel.

    On the other hand you shouldn't be around people simply because you feel that you have to be. I don't reccomend cutting all of your biological family off, but you seem truly happy with the one you have now. At the end of the day it's your choice, but as a sister nothing hurts more than hearing your older sibling say they don't consider you family.

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  • hokisgurl
    8 years ago

    I'm adopted too I met my birth family at 18 it has been a disappointment . Yes I have stumbled with the blood family wanting to share you. If I could do over again I'd hire a private investigator get the details pictures without contacting them lot of drama hurt feelings and unfulfilled void still unfulfilled Least yours is a bit different

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    I can see your attitude towards your bio mom, but why in the world would you feel that way about your bio sister? It's not like she had ANYTHING to do with the adoption. She's an innocent in all this.

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    • TestedTurbo
      8 years ago

      I'm not mad at her, I think my bio Mom wants me to replace her though. She's driven away most of her family.

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