My bf went on vacation for a month and i cheated, should i tell him?

31 Comments

My boyfriend left to Singapore for a month and the night he left I went out drinking with some coworkers. Nothing funny was happening until I decided it was time to pass out, well 2 hours later I woke up to someone stroking my arm. At first I pretended to be asleep but then I don't know why but I moved closer to them and we started kissing. I know it isn't a good excuse but I was really depressed about my boyfriend leaving. I didn't feel anything with the kiss, I felt more guilty than anything.

Yes, tell him right away 72
Yes, tell him when he is back 67
Break up with him but don't say why 7
Break up with him and tell him why 14
Don't tell him 58
Other (comment) 3
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 31 )
  • Corleone
    11 years ago | pl

    I can't speak for your boyfriend, but this is how I would react:

    If my gf cheated on me and she'd confess, I'd probably get angry, but I'd appreciate her honesty. There's a big chance that I'd break up, but I wouldn't hate her.

    If my gf cheated on me and I'd find out myself, I'd get furious, and there's no way in hell I'd spend any more time with her. So consider that bridge burned.

    So IMO, the first option is the best one. It might alleviate your feelings of guilt. Other than that, he deserves to know. Tell him exactly what happened, and why you did it. Maybe he'll decide to stay with you, maybe he won't. But at least you'll have done the right thing.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    6
    6
      -
    • saduJ18
      11 years ago

      You missed one... Your GF cheats on you, doesn't tell you, and you never ever know.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • Corleone
        11 years ago

        I already answered that question to prasatko. I would be none the wiser, but she'd feel terribly guilty. There's also the constant paranoia of her boyfriend finding out.

        The choice is hers, but I think coming clean is a healthier way to deal with this. If she covers it up, she'll feel like crap throughout the entire relationship.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
    • prasatko
      11 years ago

      ...and how would you react if she did not tell you and you did not find out?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • misca
        11 years ago

        How could he react to that in any way?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • prasatko
          11 years ago

          That is what I wanted to point out. If she does not tell him and he finds out, it will be the worst case. If she tells him, it will be still bad but probably with not so fatal consequences. But if she does not tell him and he does not find out, nobody will suffer....(except for abstract moral principles of honesty and sincerity at any cost, also at the cost of destroying a relationship). Of course, he would not react, he would not suffer in this case, so it seems the best ...not to tell him about it.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Corleone
            11 years ago

            I get why you're saying that, but I still don't find it reason enough to lie. Even if she lies about it, and he never finds out, she'll still have to deal with a lot of guilt. There's also the constant paranoia he'll find out sooner or later.

            Her relationship will never be the same, sad as it is. But she should deal with it like a grown woman.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
      • Corleone
        11 years ago

        Most of the times, cheating isn't a conscious decision. In her case, it was a mistake made in the spur of the moment. So that's something I might forgive, in some cases.

        If she lies about it, then I'm none the wiser. So there'd be no breakup. But consciously lying in the face of someone you're supposed to care about... that's disgusting.

        The choice is still hers, but if she wants to keep her self-respect, she has to take responsibility for her actions.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
  • NotFloydzie
    11 years ago

    Smh.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    4
    4
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    A thousand times, yes. Tell him. Honesty is always best in any kind of relationship.

    To do otherwise is to promote miscommunications and those can have disastrous consequences.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    Tell him.

    If the two of you committed to an agreement of faithfulness, then you broke your end of the deal. A relationship is almost like a contract, you exchange certain benefits for certain promises and you broke one of yours. Think, borrowing your Dad's car and hitting another car with it. You're going to have to tell him, part of your obligation was to not damage it.

    So tell him. For all you know, maybe he is willing to forgive you and if not, well, you should have thought of your value for the relationship and what you were putting at stake before you did what you did. Often times in life, two seconds of forethought can save you a lifetime of consequences and it seems as if you are to learn that the hard way.

    You can't continue a relationship built on dishonesty, the house is doomed to fall at some point.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Cuntsiclestick
    11 years ago

    You have to tell him the truth and accept the consequences of your actions. There's no excuse for cheating and no excuse to not tell him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    -FIRST PARAGRAPH OFF TOPIC READ UNDER THE LINE FOR ON TOPIC-

    Are you serious? The second most chosen answer is "Don't tell him"? Ugh. Yeah, just reverse the genders, and the maxed out choice would be "fling all his things out the house".
    ________________________________________________________

    You should tell him straight away. You don't deserve him. He leave, and straight away your legs are wide open. Stupid slapper.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • jitterbug66
    11 years ago

    It's only been a day and you're already cheating on him? Wow you are a
    (insert choice word here).

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • davesumba
    11 years ago

    once a cheater always a cheater, break up and try again

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    Nope. You should not.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    you kissed someone? fkn forget about it.

    if you want to keep this relationship, don't tell him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • anon199
    11 years ago

    OK - the answer that 99% of people would go with in reality is:

    - if there is a mild to moderate chance he could find out from someone else, tell him first.

    If it's very unlikely he will ever find out, say nothing.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • anon199
    11 years ago

    You just kissed them? That's barely cheating! I have kissed tons of girls when I was in relationships when I was younger, and most of the time it meant nothing.....

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Corleone
      11 years ago

      Tell me, how would you feel if your girlfriend did that to you?

      Even if it means nothing, you should be open about it.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
  • Dad
    11 years ago

    Well.

    Would you be telling him so as to make you feel better? (again!)
    Or would you be wanting to tell him to let him know the truth about you?

    I presume that most will take the selfish answer. Tell him so you hope he'll forgive you.

    I have a more valid concern.
    If this is the way you are, when drinking? Or when partying? Or when without your Bf ON THE FIRST NIGHT! Then you need to realize that this is just you. It would be nice to tell your Bf, as he may be like that as well, and possibly admit to an intimate time whilst OS.

    You could possibly expand your relationship even further. You just need to be brave enough to tell him the truth about you. IF he leaves you for it, then thankfully you found out he's not the same as you before you got married!

    You felt 'guilty' for it. But did you enjoy it?
    If yes, then you'll do it again.
    Such a naughty girl.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • saduJ18
    11 years ago

    NO NO NO! Don't tell him unless you WANT to break up with him cuz even if you KNOW you'll never do it again, HE will NEVER trust you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -4
    -4
      -
    • chatter289
      11 years ago

      Well you sound like you cant be trusted and obviously the advice you're giving leads many to presume you have done such a thing yourself! And yes he has reason not to trust her because she cheated the night he left, how much can she possibly love her bf to do such a thing and please, alcohol CANNOT be used as an excuse, all alcohol does is bring ones true nature our and yours has just come out.

      Take it from me cheater, you should tell him the truth becuase sooner or later it WILL COME OUT. I promise you it till, karma oh how it comes around. It may not come out now, or even in a year or two or more, it will come out when you least expected, when you have settled down and possibly have children and he finds out, what then? He does not deserve this and you should tell him the truth. How would you feel if he had done this to you.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
        -
      • malkiot
        11 years ago

        She kissed... it's not all that terrible. So yes she should perhaps tell her BF that she kissed someone. But it's not like kissing is that big of a deal imo.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -1
        -1
          -
        • chatter289
          11 years ago

          Not terrible. Oh ok, well she may as well give him a hand job, thats not terrible either. Your post is the most rediculous response i have read in a while. Cheating manifests itself in many forms and it does not entail sexual intercouse alone. Kissing, touching, saying inapprorpiate things, spending too much time with someone you're sexually attracted too, lying to your partner about seeing your 'friends' to meet up with someone else, ALL are forms of cheating. Cheating= Lies and deceit. I think if your gf\bf did that I am more than sure you would change your mind about what you said.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          2
          2
            -
          • anon199
            11 years ago

            What if you kiss your gran on the cheek?

            Personally I would be upset if my GF got smashed and kissed some guy, but TBH I would rather not know if it meant nothing to her.....If she had done a HJ, BJ etc I would dump her like a shot, even if it meant nothing. it's completely different. The other guy is going to get high 5's for that, thinking my GF is a slut and I am a cuckold. She would get a reputation. All the kiss would do is sexually frustrate the guy, whilst I get her in bed 7 nights a week! It's the same reason a (loyal/non slut) woman is brilliant if she shows it off when she is out with you....!

            Some people as well, I would kiss but never allow them to do anything else with me....funny that.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • chatter289
              11 years ago

              But she didn't kiss him on the cheek, they started KISSING, if it was just a peck on the cheek then that would have been rather different , this seems like a full on kiss from what she has said. And about you saying 'it didnt mean nothing to her' well ur gf can give a HJ to a guy because she feels sorry for him and it didnt mean 'nothing to her'.

              And my comment made to you in the first response was correct because you have clearly stated that 'I would kiss' therefore of course you would not see this as cheating because you believe it not to be cheating because you would and most likely have done this yourself. You know, this could be the manifestation of you trying to not feel guilty about having possibly cheated on your gf since you dont consider snogging someone cheating.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
        • davesumba
          11 years ago

          i dated a virgin so all she did was make out, and in that case, yes it is a big deal. once i found out she made out with her ex, i forgave her that once, but i never trusted her again to hang out with guys without me.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    "Burnin For You" or "Flaming Telepaths" by Blue Oyster Cult.

    And the joke's on you.
    And the joke's on you.
    And the joke's on you.
    And the joke's on you.
    And the joke's on you...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1