My bf of 8 years says he's confused.. help!!!

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6 Comments

I've been dating a guy for 8 yrs. i was 16 him 21 when we started.4 yrs in things started going bad. He couldn't find a job for 2 yrs. I think is was because he studders. that 1st yr his attitude was BAD.so in between I kissed a few guys and told him.he always forgave me.One day we broke up after a bad arguement and 4 months later we got back together.he became the sweet guy I always knew.he finally found a job&a year later we got engaged.that yr i did the BIGGEST mistake of my life. Since he had been my 1st and only.after thinking of spending the rest of my life with him i felt i needed to know what it was like to sleep with another guy. So on i went.I regreted it so much. So, this year so many things happened. he had invited one of my cousin's friend to hang out with us.He said later it was for her to meet his co-worker.I decided to pose as her through email and seduce him. He resisted but finally gave in. when he went to meet her of course it was me&I even threw out the engagement ring. I also then confessed my fling of 2 yrs ago. Then a month later we worked things out bc I kind of understoond hs curiousity since I had gone through it myself. He says ive been his only one also and he's 30 so I kind of understood. this May I found out he's had a secret email with a different name trying to meet girls since a few yrs ago. He sweared he never met any and even sent them emails asking them to confirm if they ever met. So far all said no. He claims he was just curious.This shocked me so much for this guy has been with me every weekend and most days after work.He gets nervous around new people and even sweats I guess bc of his studdering he gets embarrased and breaks into sweat. He was trying to get me back for a month then all of a sudden he backed out on me. now he's the one saying he's confused because we've been through so much that it doesn't seem fair or right that we keep on going. This has crushed my heart because I was willing to start over how he had requested previously. I knew I wanted him again but was holding off on it trying to teach him the lesson that I am not a toy. Now the cards have turned and I am going crazy. Last sunday he told me he was gonnamake up his mind and show me how much he loves me.last week we spend almost everyday together and we kissed and hugged.then all of a sudden he tells me he doesn't know. He even cancelled a trip we had to a water park this coming saturday because he said it doesn't feel right that we go as a couple when we not ok together.but then y he told me sunday we were back? I feel very scard of him talking to other girls for I did find out last week he asked a friend if her friend would be interested in him. but then sunday he told her to forget it and that he was sorry and he worked things out with me.I really feel depressed and extrememly anxious.I cant function. He says he's confused and acts on it because one day he's ok with me and the next he backs up. what should I do?

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17% Normal
Based on 6 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Crazydiamond
    14 years ago

    I was going to read this but unfortunately a wall of text fell on me and killed me, so it never happened.

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  • wuddeva
    11 years ago

    The amusing part is that both of you seem to lack integrity, though you are exponentially worse. You can both screw off. XD
    Convince him that you have integrity and aren't a bitch. That's why I'm with my girlfriend. If I found out that she was a bitch or lacked integrity, we would instantly be done.
    ~out

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    My favourite part was the bit where he Studders

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  • BlueAlice
    13 years ago

    From what I can tell, you sound like a piece of work and are enjoying hurting him

    He's lost your trust already, so just realise you'll never get it back and move on to somebody who'll show you what it's like to be on the receiving end of manipulation.

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  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago

    Let me see if I understand this correctly. You cheated on him not once, but twice. It took you two years to confess the first time. The second time involved impersonating someone, and fooling the person you went to bed with.

    Then, you challenged his integrity by accusing him of meeting with the girls in his secret e-mail account. How did you find out about this account? By snooping?

    Finally, even though you wanted him back again, you were "holding off" so as to teach him a "lesson." In other words, you were being very manipulative. And, this tactic has now backfired.

    It's no wonder he's confused. How can he possibly trust you now?

    If you want him back, I suggest you be completely honest with him, tell him what you did wrong, why you did it, and why you believe it was wrong. You need to convince him that it won't happen again. It's understandable that you wanted to experience other men, but you should have sought his permission first, and agreed to any terms he might have stipulated. It's also understandable that you might have been displeased with some of his behavior, but being manipulative is the wrong way to go about dealing with that.

    As a stutterer, he likely has a high degree of integrity and intelligence. That's probably why you want him back. Convince him that you are worthy of his love and affection.

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  • cooldavid
    14 years ago

    I cant read it all, but the first line you said "i was 16" and you been 8 years?! You need to take a break and live a little... take a few years off from the relationship/no contact. Then after a few more years and a bunch of relationships with other people, you can each decide if you want to get back together with this guy.

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