My bf doesn't foreplay

32% Normal
13 Comments

I'm in a 3 year relationship and my boyfriend never foreplays. I don't think i've ever actually been in a relationship where there has been any foreplay. I'm getting sick of it though. I really want to have some romantic hot, steamy sex! That just never happens. EVER. I'm 20 years old in case anyones wondering, I'm young, so is my boyfriend. I'm guessing it's because I'm his first girlfriend. I have told him I want to get into foreplaying, and I gave him a few pointers on what to do. I did all this in the past and it didn't work, it went right back to the same old because his reaction to this is a lowered sex drive. After I talk to him about doing more things before jumping into sex, he suddenly doesn't want to have sex anymore. I'm not looking for people to say things like "Dump him." I'd really like some pointers on what to do! I would also like to know if everyone else gets a little foreplay before they have sex, or if it's normal to just dive right into it. I mean.. is it normal that i've never been in a relationship where we mess around before sex?? Everyone does it atleast a little, right?

Voting Results
32% Normal
Based on 85 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • Naamah
    11 years ago

    It´s quite difficult to comment on your boyfriend´s behavior and give you sensible advice that could help you without knowing what specifically you wanted him to do and what he is so reluctant to do before sex. It isn´t the same situation if he is not willing to touch your genitals at all before entering your vagina with his cock and if he is reluctant to give you for example a long whole-body sensual massage.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I recommended making out, sucking my nipples... I would say touching me down there, but I know he doesn't wash his hands ever, so that ones a turn off for me. Holding me close and kissing my neck. The problem is, when he think about doing any of that, suddenly instead of wanting sex every second day, he wants it once a week...

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      • wistfulmaiden
        9 years ago

        he sounds super lazy

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      • Naamah
        11 years ago

        Is he weirded out only by things that could be viewed as romantic and that are more sensual than sexual or is he reluctant to do any sexual stuff other than intercourse? How does he react for example to the idea of oral sex - cunnilingus or blowjob? Would he be willing to do that?

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      • shade_ilmaendu
        11 years ago

        This just seems so unusual to me... this isn't the kind of thing people typically have to ask for in a relationship. What is his reason? It better be more than "it's a turn off" because honestly, from where I'm standing he's not being very considerate of you. I don't wanna jump to any conclusions here though so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    This is something a lot of men don't seem to understand, women need foreplay more than they do. It's not super sexy for me if a guy tried to just stick it in down there without lubing up the engine first.

    You need to make him realise that this is important to you, if he truly cares then you should be able to find a compromise to make the both of you happy.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I have tried to do that. I gave up before, but I'm trying it again, and I'm going to stick to my guns this time. I was going to try and withhold sex until he made an effort, but he beat me to it.. I've now gone 4 days without sex because his sex drive goes down whenever I ask for some form of foreplay.

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  • mystery7
    9 years ago

    "but I know he doesn't wash his hands ever,"

    He's a keeper then.

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  • BloodRedAndTrue
    10 years ago

    its weird because i liked making my gf happy and special. but she took advantage so im not going to bother with that anymore.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    i'd suggest communication.

    listing what you want in bed, what you never want, and what you'll compromise on. and really listening to his list too.

    however from the way you talk it sounds like he's entirely unreceptive to what you want. which kinda makes me wonder... what do you see in him?

    cos remember sometimes you DO have to weigh the options - is what you're getting from the relationship good enough to give up everything else you're not getting?

    - if the answer is "yes" then stay in that relationship
    - if the answer is "no" then consider how you'll change that. communication? Leaving?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I hear that ALL the time actually. What do you see in him? I would miss him dearly if we broke up. And I've never broken up with a guy I like without a hugley good reason. Like cheating. He is a bit of a lazy prick, but I know I can trust him. I'm not afraid he'll cheat, he does things for me I don't think any other guy would put up with. I have talked to him about the foreplay. He's working on it. He sucks at it, but he's working on it. Things are getting better, since he is trying. The sex life is so slow now though. xS

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        which means you might want to consider my first part then: communication.

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  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    I think foreplay is what make sex terrific, cannot imagine sex without it! You should insist more, with creative incentives! Good luck with your choices!

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