My best friend is my lover but what will come of it?

63% Normal
10 Comments

So Ive been friends with this girl since junior high, I've always been very attracted to her but never had self-esteem to talk to her about it. It was always so intimidating because whenever i wanted to she would be going out with a guitar-guru genius. So near Christmas in our senior year she walked me out to my car after we hung out and I asked to kiss her. We then started to go out but it didn't work very well because I was always concerned about how she was feeling and i guess she became a little annoyed I was also had felt anxiety alot when we weren't together if she had been cheating on me or not. I was terrified. I became very deppressed. I was being to boyfriendy, she was not looking for the conventional relationship, rather than a more laid back one. So we broke up. But then we still fool around but she wants to still stay friends. Is this normal? what will happen to us? I don't want to lose her. we talked about getting back together and she said i needed to sort somethings out first and find out how to make myself feel happy. I still love her so much and I can't stop thinking about her... I don't want to hang out with my friends... only sit around all day and wait for her to get off work so we can hang out... I don't know what to do... I'm too afraid to bring her around my friends being I think a few of them are way cooler than me and she might want to fool around with them... I don't know what to do... I am lost in my sub-conscious thoughts... Is this normal?

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 54 votes (34 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • atom1k
    14 years ago

    I just want to thank you guys for the feedback. It's been about a year since I've even talked to this girl. The more i reflect and stop beating myself up, the more I realize it wasn't just my fault. I was a good boyfriend(Especially for it being my first relationship). The whole thing was is that she had found someone else during our relationship. A better man, older, good in his trade. So she essential left me for him. I can't blame her. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, and I shouldn't be investing my emotions in people in such a frail, confusing, post-adolescance state. It's amazing how much a man can learn about himself in one year and how this pain and confusion can benefit him so much into making such a stronger person. I just want to conclude, that I have benefited from all of your advice and I have given up in investing my emotions in someone else until I myself am enlightened or made comfortable in this strange time of my life and that I am working on becoming more of productive human being so that one day I'll be ready.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    If you think you will ever win her sitting on your arse dreaming about it then you're nuts. Go and make something of yourself. keep up your friendship with her. When she sees you become something of an accomplished man with potential, you'll have a way better chance than if you just stay the whiny loser going nowhere ex boyfriend.

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  • Galezilla
    14 years ago

    How about taking her advice and make yourself happy by yourself before seeking happiness with somebody else? Nobody's going to love you if you're all that fucked up inside, regardless of what kind of relationship they're looking for. Take a break, I'm sure she doesn't want you to hurt yourself by being heartbroken over her.

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  • fjlj480
    14 years ago

    try to move on but let me tell you, if you're anything like me, there is no way you will ever get over her if you stay friends.

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  • cooldavid
    14 years ago

    You had your chance and you blew it with her. Do whatever you need to do to move on.

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  • Galaxy500
    14 years ago

    On top of the others' advice..I just want to say (from experience, mainly) that insecurities are the biggest turn offs, ever. Be confident in who you are and love yourself. You need to take care of you first and she's trying to tell you that.

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    • guessme
      14 years ago

      i agree with others..our partners want to us to be happy and confident when we are with them..

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  • isaiah268
    15 years ago

    it is entirely normal to be anxious, depressed, self-conscious, low self-esteem. But with these issues, come relationship problems. Go seek counseling. If you want this relationship to happen, you won't be doing you or her any favors until you get professional help.

    This will reduce your jealousy, clinginess, paranoia, and then you can pursue a romantic relationship if it's meant to be. I just wouldn't recommend you trying to take care of her until you take care of you first.

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  • Jim_Pfoss
    15 years ago

    I predict this relationship will never amount to anything but frustration. You won't take this advice, but be friends and move on.

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    • freeforall
      15 years ago

      take her

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