Most of you are pretend sociopaths

Most of you fancy yourselves sociopaths. You've never done anything more risky than steal some salt shakers from the local Denny's, but you think that your conspicuous lack of empathy automatically qualifies you to self-diagnose with antisocial personality disorder. In reality, you lack empathy because you are mentally lazy and cannot be expected to exert the brain power necessary to put yourself in someone else's shoes, but you think it makes you sound more mysterious to suggest that you have the same kind of brain as Charles Manson. Nobody likes you because you never put effort into anything and you probably can't find your way out of your mother's basement with a map and a trail of breadcrumbs, but you still feel a need to see yourself as superior to people who take more than a single-digit number of showers annually, so you try to imagine yourself as a superior being unimpeded by the common mores of the masses (especially your instructor for Algebra 101, which you are taking in community college right now at the age of 27). You post Joker memes on a barren social media page that will only be seen by one friend (whom you spent 9 months inside of), and her only response will be to chew you out in the comments section because she smelled cigarette smoke on your sweater when loading up the washer. You are as greasy as a Whopper Jr. and the only action you'll ever get comes from a gym-sock that's never darkened the doorway of the sort of institution its name suggests it should be used for. You tell everyone who will listen about your superior pain-tolerance as a sociopath, but you refused to take out the trash the other day because you were afraid of getting stung by a bee. Your idea of being an expert manipulator involves screaming and pitching a fit until your mother makes you some corn dogs. Your attempts to scare neighborhood kids typically result in you returning home and going on profanity-laden tirades about how you were almost blinded for life by their Nerf Guns.