Most of you are british

Most of you are British. You once belonged to one of history's largest empires, which was labelled "the empire on which the sun never sets," ironically, since the sun never even shines in Britain. You like to think that you're more cultivated than your gun-toting spawn across the pond, but most of you can be found yammering incoherently at the pub where you've left a puddle of piss in the seat after drinking too much "Wife Beater." You are dismantling the NHS because the only thing your country is good at is finding the things it's doing well and fucking them up for "larfs." Your economy is going down the drain, because mop-topped pop groups where the members wear matching suits and "independence days" are the only things you're known to export. Due to the sorry state of orthodontics in your neck of the godforsaken woods, you are forbidden from swimming at beaches in foreign countries due to most of the civilized world's tendency to mistake you for a shark. Your dialects are so thick and full of animalistic brummy that most people can be forgiven for forgetting that English is named after the country where it's spoken.

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Comments ( 29 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • NO NO NOOOOOOOOO
    *looks at my hands as a cup of tea appears in my hand*
    NOOOOO!!!!!
    *looks in the mirror to see my teeth becoming british*
    NAAAUURR!!

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    • Next thing ya know you're screaming in traffic at cars "Dont be a fawkin wanka yeah!?"

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  • I'm English and I don't go to the pub nor do I speak in any kind of "dialect."

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    • You talk in a dialect, everyone does. You eat kippers and beans on toast every morning for breakfast, which you wash down with a cup of lightly-sugared black tea mixed with cream. You are a loutish soccer hooligan that shares a flat with their mum, whom you occasionally harass for beer money. You will likely end up piss-drunk in a back alley, waking up mid-evening to realize that you have soiled your athletic wear and have been robbed of your outlandish jewelry. You hope to dine on steak and kidney pie later, but you have no idea what time your mummy will be home from work.

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  • You've summoned me.

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  • Not British but wow rude.

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    • Almost as rude as using guns plus whatever to make your language one of the most widely-known on the planet. A true brit would take it in good "humour". <- Yank spellcheck says I've misspelled it.

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  • Stop describing the USA and Donald Trump

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  • I've never been to the UK or the US.

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  • Ya, I have heritage from all over Britain (England, Scotland and Wales), and since I didn't grow up with British culture, due to black people, Chinese people, and Mongolians, all I know is if you ask a strange woman out without asking her name and do it in a perverted way she'll kick you on the back of the chair, plus I know that my culture is the danger of strange behaviour and why that should matter, getting in hospital with a chest infection, and not tickling people (whether I'm quirky or not), I'm just proud of this culture teaching me to play it safe and not to act strange and scary, not to be a silly child and not to get hurt, it's not the culture you think, but a tongue-in-cheek stick-bitchy-behaviour-up-ya-like-you-don't-care sort of culture, it's all about being in line (and acting normal) which is weird because you only get this behaviour against very strange people. It's certainly not an all-white or British culture, even though this can happen in Britain all the same.

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    • Ramblings of an absolute madman

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      • An absolute madman? How dare you! I'm normal, look up Max Gron, that's right, it shows me talking intellectual things, I don't ever want people to call me a madman again.

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  • I'm not from England... I'm from one of the oldest nations on the planet - Bulgaria. Our country was hated throughout history by the British and most Bulgarians dislike them too and what do I do? Why, I married a woman from the UK.

    But that doesn't make me British... I'm still the same loud, brash, doesn't give a fuck who you are and I'm doing my own thing Bulgarian I've always been.

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  • LMAO

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  • *Pours a snapple into a lake

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  • Shut yo mouth ya fawkin redcoat

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  • Um....what?

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  • Yeah, so what? Most of the places the British conquered were uncivilized before, and the Brits brought them into the Modern World. The practice of burning widows was commonplace in India before the British came!

    https://youtube.com/shorts/N4VgV_W01lk?feature=share

    If anything countries that were once part of the British Empire owe Great Britain a debt of gratitude for bringing law, and order as well as civilizing them as the practice of Sati is one of savagery.

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    • You say this as if burning of women didn't happen in England.

      The UK didn't "bring a civilized world" anywhere lol. A lot of places were fine without them, and probably better off. They did bring a lot of disease though. They wiped out entire civilizations with their unwashed asses.

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      • Ironically though, it was the Spanish inquisition in Britain that tortured British citizens over them not being Catholic enough. But that's another story...

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      • I say this as an American who is about 45% British descent and white as heck. I love my ancestry and learning about it, but I'm going to be realistic about it too.

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