Most of you are british
Most of you are British. You once belonged to one of history's largest empires, which was labelled "the empire on which the sun never sets," ironically, since the sun never even shines in Britain. You like to think that you're more cultivated than your gun-toting spawn across the pond, but most of you can be found yammering incoherently at the pub where you've left a puddle of piss in the seat after drinking too much "Wife Beater." You are dismantling the NHS because the only thing your country is good at is finding the things it's doing well and fucking them up for "larfs." Your economy is going down the drain, because mop-topped pop groups where the members wear matching suits and "independence days" are the only things you're known to export. Due to the sorry state of orthodontics in your neck of the godforsaken woods, you are forbidden from swimming at beaches in foreign countries due to most of the civilized world's tendency to mistake you for a shark. Your dialects are so thick and full of animalistic brummy that most people can be forgiven for forgetting that English is named after the country where it's spoken.