Men- would you date a hot single mum?
| Yes | 66 | |
| No | 32 | |
| Have, would again | 9 | |
| Have, never again | 2 |
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Comments ( 58
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[Old Memory]
After somebody told me that somebody that doesn't want to go out with a mother due to them having kids "isn't a real man" just made me get put off from that idea. Apparantly to some, if you don't be with someone because you don't want to take over a big responsibility that is the woman's, then you aren't a real man...Ugh. Some women are actually stupid enough to think men are only "real" if they do what women want them to.
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thinkingaboutit
dating someone does not make you a custodial caregiver to their kids.
nuff said.
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NeuroNeptunian
Oh buddy, if only it were that simple.
The thing is that many Moms would not take it very well if they got into a full-on relationship with a man that refused to have anything to do with their kids or would not "play Daddy". This is what makes dating single Moms challenging, because as the relationship gets deeper, there is a greater need for you to play nice with the child.
Just as well, often times the children will not have a permanent father figure and will try to bond with the first one that stays regular (at a younger age, mind you) which would be you and to reject that bonding would more than likely upset said Mother.
If you can find a single mother that you can date and have a relationship with and never have to deal with her kid or not have to pitch in a parenting role as time progresses well then YOU are a LUCKY DUCK.
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thinkingaboutit
Why would a woman agree to a *relationship* with a man who did not understand she had children?
Why, again, would a mother naturally assume a new man the duty to father to her kid?
What you are implying is that a man is forced into a serious relationship with a child solely b/c he's takes the mother out on a date. That's just not how it works. If a hypothetical relationship escalated to the point of marriage, then and only then does a man assume a new duty to the child.
I'm sure you know plenty of girls from HS who are now with child, and have no issues dating. Explain this phenomenon.
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NeuroNeptunian
Why would a woman agree to a *relationship* with a man who did not understand she had children?
Because the children are probably not that big of a priority to her or she does not have the self-respect necessary to turn down this sort of man. It happens. Frequently.
Why, again, would a mother naturally assume the new man the duty to father her kid?
Mothers often don't want to watch their kids be ignored by the men that they are in a relationship in. He's going to have to play along sooner or later.
What you are implying is that a man is forced into a serious relationship with a child solely b/c he's takes the mother out on a date.
I'm not saying that one date is all it takes to make him hooked. I am saying that while they are dating and the relationship starts to get serious, the issue of how he is going to treat the child will become an issue. Her life and the child's life are interconnected and he will eventually come into contact with that child. I doubt it would be socially appropriate for him to just blow the child off the same way you blow off a child that is staring at you while you are doing that shopping.
I'm sure you know plenty of girls from HS who are now with child, and have no issues dating. Explain this phenomenon.
Because the men also have kids, or enjoy being in the company of the kids. If we are talking about just going on dates here, then none of them have a problem with that, they leave the kids with their parents/friends but more often than not, when the relationship gets serious, the man will make more contact with the child, thus producing this issue.
The single Moms I know from high school are either still with Baby Daddy (or on and off relationships), have been in a string of unsuccessful relationships but the kid spends most of their time with the grandparents so that doesn't matter or found a man that is willing to settle and be Dad, often because he also has kids. The single Moms I know are not even related to this discussion, as the ones who don't fit the profile above have a very hard time dating because they have kids, and many have given up. I know a few of them are cool with leaving baby at home with someone else all of the time, but most of them are more dedicated parents than that. Why would a man even want a woman that has kids she doesn't give a shit about?
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thinkingaboutit
"hey sport *high five*" <--- not a deal breaker.
No, most women do not often agree to have a relationship with a man who doesn't understand he has to at least execute the statement above.
You answered a question I didn't ask? Again, why would a mother allocate father duty to a NEW man in her life?
Again, if some one doesn't have the courtesy to wave and greet a child in passing, he/she aren't worth dating.
And to the young mothers reference...no, it is not because the eligible bachelors are fathers and/or like kids. Men have no problem courting and sleeping with a woman that has given birth.
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NeuroNeptunian
Yeah, well, you'd better get used to it, man.
Women are gaining a more "independent" liberal mentality, which eventually leads to the leading of a more liberal lifestyle which includes but is not limited to, a less struct selection of whom one desires to mate with. Many women are intelligent enough to handle this lifestyle by using condoms, birth control and other such methods of carefulness because they realize the negative impact that a child can have early on in a relationship to an unwed couple or to a relationship in which sex is the only relation between both partners.
However, many women are not so intelligent. They base their decisions off of the purposes of their own gratification rather than basing them off of common sense and rationale and concern for the future of their offspring. Their insecurity guides their judgement and the break that society is experiencing concerning the slow degradation of the prevalence of traditional values (not having kids before marriage or sex before marriage for stricter folk, not leading an overly promiscuous lifestyle, keeping your body as your temple, etc.) and the acceptance of this lifestyle are also factors which do not help the situation.
In this case, they make poor decisions and have children in families that were not structured for stability, which is what a child needs the most, and many of these women are economically disadvantaged so the sting of a "Baby daddy" not wanting to associate with a plan that he only took part in making but did not expect is far greater as now she is pregnant, does not have an adequate source of income, most likely does not have a loving and supportive family that is willing to take the child into their home and raise them with the love a child needs, and was most likely "just assuming" that Dad would stick around, rather receiving prior confirmation of commitment by the father (An engagement ring, moving in, or at the very least a verbal acknowledgement and discussed agreement).
And of course, said child often ends up growing up in a broken home with a parent that is probably not mature enough or dedicated enough to adequately raise a child to grow up to be a good, respectable member of society thus continuing and worsening the cycle. This is becoming much more normal as the statistics for children growing up in what would be considered "broken homes" grow. The values of society would have to change much more drastically and self-respect, desire to better oneself and education would have to become of higher worth in society (not just education for the sake of getting a better career and making more money) for this trend to decline again.
But seeing as how it does not look like that will happen anytime soon, you're going to just have to get used to it and settle for ranting about it on IIN =/
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[Old Memory]
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NeuroNeptunian
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dappled
I wonder why it was necessary to include the word "hot", as if single mothers are such a turn-off that nobody would give them a second glance. In the countries most represented by IIN's populace, 25% of all mothers are single.
Nit-picking aside, yes, I would.
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Captain_Kegstand
I have and it was wonderful. I dated a girl with the most beautiful little girl you have ever seen. The daughter was intelligent, well mannered, and very well raised. The mom worked and supported herself and her kid, and wouldn't even let me help for the longest time. She was beautiful, and as far as the "loose vagina" that has been mentioned in other posts, not an issue. There was no crazy ex issue, as the father was killed serving our country in Afghanistan.
Sadly she came into a situation where it was better for her daughter if she moved far away with some relatives, and we parted ways. Still miss that girl! (both of them)
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[Old Memory]
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Captain_Kegstand
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Justsomejerk
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Boo!
Even though most people said yes (30) all I read was people saying no...
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blaster
I sort of had a thing for single mums . As long as the ex was cool or gone , and she can look after herself , I'm be into it.
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AssBurgers
Depends on how old the kid is. I don't want a potential stepson who's around the same age as me (I'm 20); and I definitely don't want the temptations of a legal stepdaughter either.
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GuessWho
There's many other factors to consider.
In short, it depends on her past (other than kids, we already know that) and her personality.
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NeuroNeptunian
No, but at my age, I am not ready to have to carry a kid around or have to scramble to find babysitters when we want to go out on a date. I believe that having a baby is often a challenge when it comes to dating, because when you are still young and in the dating pool, the assumption is that you are young and working on building your life rather than you having a family. It generally goes, leave high school, go build your life, meet someone in that process, build a life with them. Building a life around a family is an issue for those that are 30+, in modern America. I'm sure it differs by region, but that's not really what you are doing at my age.
That being said, if I really liked the kid and could get along with the Mother very well and she was not regularly battling Baby Daddy issues, was responsible with her duties, has a job, a car (unless she lives in an area where public transport is a more wise decision or has a different form of transport etc.), and can support herself to a decent extent and has life goals beyond that of having more kids and is not just looking for another parent for her child or the next sperm donor and does not have EXCESSIVE psychological issues (she can handle an adult relationship and is mentally grown and mature) THEN, I'd really consider it.
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Justsomejerk
Been there. I'd do it again hypothetically speaking then I'd remember how shit it was. Sleepless nights, psycho ex's, kids who haven't been raised ideally who are now a handful. Not for all the dirtiest sex in the world.
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Anonymous Post Author
I'm surprised these answers are about the woman's body and not about the kids eg, don't like kids around, dont want to be expected to look after someone elses kid, too complicated etc etc. Quite interesting
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[Old Memory]
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Anonymous Post Author
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AussieGirly
Many younger mums (early 20s) and even older ones have no problem bouncing back to pre baby body.
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[Old Memory]
Some, i've seen chicks go to shit in their 20's first hand. Only the super thin, super model types seem unaffected and thats not most chicks.
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got11
You're retarded. I have a 9 month old and everyone says I look better now than even before I got pregnant. I ate well and exercised all throughout my pregnancy and did so after as well. Now I have the exact same measurements with a smaller waist and bigger boobs which are not saggy at all. I also have a sis in law who had the same thing happen. We are both young, 21. And no stretch marks. My finance says I'm just as tight if not tighter than before due to levels.
It all depends on how well you take care of yourself.
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beastie
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Lynxikat
I personally wouldn't want to date someone with a kid... mostly because I have no interest in having kids myself.
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Allistalla
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snafu
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snafu
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Avant-Garde
Most likely not. If the kid is older and mature, than maybe. But if it's a little kid, than there's no way!
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bumblecreek
most single moms around here are actually younger than me, but most of them are disgusting. so my answer would be yes i would date single moms, just not around where i live.
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Brickinit
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x1frosty16
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disthing
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Hoohahohyahhh
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shuggy-chan
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Corleone
At this point, I dating someone with kids is out of the question. My opinion might change on that when I get older, but for now I wouldn't do it.
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AussieGirly
If I was a guy I would as one of my hottest friends is actually a mum and she looks better than a lot of my pre-baby friends :)
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Anonymous Post Author
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chubbawubba69
This is the absolute truth.
I would have sex with a single mom and I would date her. I may even lead her on to believe that I wanted something serious, but I wouldn't actually desire a relationship with her.
The truth is a single mom would bring too much drama and baggage.
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jondoerandom
Nope. never. there's that thing that she'd probably drag around everywhere that shit and screams. maybe if the kid was a teenager, but that makes the mom ancient and i'm not into that.
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[Old Memory]
Even if the kid was a teenager, if you tried to discipline them, which lets face it you would have to do if you were all living together, the kid is just gonna say "You cant tell me what to do, you're not my father!"
Who the hell wants to deal with that, after working all day long.
Thats without mentioning any potential conflicts/drama from the kid's biological father as well.
Biological kids are a big enough hassle, someone else's just doesnt interest me at all.
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[Old Memory]