Meeting up with her tomorrow
This girl and me have a lot of history together. We were each other's first love, but it ended pretty bad at some point and she broke up with me. (It's a long story so I won't get into it that much), anyways.. three years have past and I've dated some girls within these years and I'm even living together with someone who I have been dating for two years now.
- Some time ago my ex (lets call her Vanessa) send me a message saying how sorry she was for everything and really wants to be friends again. (She is in a relationship right now too). I really want that too so I forgave her and we've been talking now for about a month.
At one point she did say she's happy we're talking and that "she missed me". I said "I missed you too" but it felt really heavy saying that. The next day the told me that she felt that it was more than "just friends" and she's scared of that. We decided we didn't want our relationships to break up but we really, really want to be friends. We have a special bond, we both agree. We haven't talked about that incident for about two weeks now and are meeting up tomorrow for coffee for the first time in three years. I'm really scared because I feel something deeper for her than I've ever felt for anyone else - I thought about this girl every day, even when I was in relationships, now that she's back it just feels to amazing to let it go, but I'm obviously in a relationship.
Vanessa also doesn't really know what she wants most of the times she tells me. She told me she isn't happy with her current relationship in some ways and I feel like it's maybe because of me, but I'm not sure. She gives me a lot of mixed signals because even though she's unhappy in her current relationship, told me she felt (only in that moment) it was a little bit intense saying we've missed each other.. but doesn't really seem that interested in me some times, for example: I'll see her online and she just doesn't respond to me all day, which is fine, but it's just confusing.
I'm gonna be honest with ya, this girl is my dream girl. I know I've loved her every day since I met her, and I thought about her everyday too, but I feel so confused about it, since I never really cared about that feeling anymore since she broke up with me and told me she didn't love me anymore, but here she is.. giving a lot of mixed signals and making me question everything. - I'm in a relationship and it feels so unfair to my current girlfriend.. I just really can't NOT have Vanessa in my life because, if she isn't in my life, I'm always, everyday... wondering how she's doing. I've done this for three years and I don't think that I will suddenly stop loving her or caring for her if we decide to stop talking now. Even though I know that's more fair for my current girlfriend, and her current partner as well.
Anyways, what do I do? I'm meeting up with her tomorrow and I.. I just don't know anymore