Master bating in front of my mother and wanting sex

I have always wanted to have hot and heavy sex with my mom after seeing her nude one night while I had gotten up to go to the bathroom during the night. As I was about to open the bathroom door, I was startled by a noise in my parents bedroom. When I turned my head, my mom was standing in the doorway butt naked and as a 9 year old boy, I was turned on for my mother. She had a beautiful body. When I was about 22 I was living with my mother after my dad had died. I went out one night with friends drinking beer and whiskey. After my friends dropped me off around 3am, I was pretty drunk. When I walked in the house and got to my moms room on the way to mine, I paused and then pulled down my pants and slowly walked into her room. I reached into my underwear and grabbed my penis and began masterbaiting very slowly and softly calling her name telling her to fuck me. She woke up and looked my way saying, what are you doing? I said, I'm jacking off momma, fuck me!! She then asked me to leave the room and I did. I regret not climbing in her bed and having rough sex with her!! Does this sound sick or is it normal to feel this way towards my mom who gave birth to me. I wanted to feel the warmth inside of her and listen to her moan and scream for my cum.