Mary sue, it's you chapter one

9 Comments

Okay so this was the story I was thinking of publishing. This work is just a bunch of cliches I found online and in books and wanted to write.

Hi my name is Miranda Amanda Ryanda Yvanneda Suzellanda Uctavianda Evenanda, Mary Sue for short, and I am 16 years old with blonde hair all the shades from platinum to gold to a light silver, and Aqua blue orbs that change colour with my emotions.

"MARY!!!! TIME TO WAKE UP!!" Shouted my mom. I frowned and got up, shaking the mop of golden hair on my head.
I went to my wardrobe and got dressed into a pair of shorts that cover less area of my body than the avarage bikini, and then I put on glasses because I was a nerd, and tied my hair into a messy bun and put on a huge T-shirt on. I grabbed my Gucci bag, (Why isn't it Louis Vutton I'm so poor ugh) and ran out of my room.

"Oh my little girl is so grown up now!" Said my mom as she flipped a pancake on my plate.
"Ugh mom chill okay? Also, I've gotta dash!!1!1" I said, and I grabbed a pancake and left.

Here's chapter one of this horror. Please don't delete it!

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Comments ( 9 )
  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    2 years ago

    she had a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled

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    • [Old Memory]
      2 years ago

      LOOOOOL nah Mary had a voice sent straight from heaven.

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  • thepuppet
    2 years ago

    nice, can't wait for the quasi-romantic tension with the dashing boy who's cool and "out of her league"

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    • [Old Memory]
      2 years ago

      lol. Will do!

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  • SkullsNRoses
    2 years ago

    There’s potential here but why weren’t her eyes described as “orbs”? Also the chapter needs some spice, who is Mary Sue’s crush? Why doesn’t she have angst with her mother or cruel ugly sibling? Love, hatred and a striving for excellence are the cornerstones of a Mary Sue story.

    A good use of the fawning mother and magical eyes tropes.

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    • [Old Memory]
      2 years ago

      Oh no! I forgot about her "oRBs"
      However, chapter two will definetely get more spicy XD

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      • SkullsNRoses
        2 years ago

        I look forward to it.

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        • [Old Memory]
          2 years ago

          I changed the eyes to oRbS

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          • SkullsNRoses
            2 years ago

            Better already.

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