Married but in love with best friend...

63% Normal
6 Comments

i am 22yrs old and have been married 3-1/2yrs to a man 10yrs older that i met online. we dated for 2 months and got married right away because of certain situations at the moment that made us do so (no, i wasnt pregnant). although prior to dating we talked everyday for hours on the phone, i feel i barely knew him. when we married, i was 18 and he was 28. well, in the past 3yrs nothing has really turned out the way it seemed it would. my life has flipped a whole 180 degrees and all thats left of who i used to be is a distant and faded memory. my life revolves completely around him and my housewife responsibilites. he has also not kept up with his role as well as he should, and as much as i point out the changes that he needs to make for my happiness, as small as helping me out around the house to as big as our intimate moments, he fails to do so. enter now the dilema. i have known my best friend for over 7yrs now. we met in high school and because of our similarities, became best friends instantly. we had a crush on each other but neither one of us ever admitted to it or acted on it. he then moved around a lot and i ended up married and we lost touch for a few yrs but we always thought about each other and tried to reconnect. well, about a yr ago we finally did and have been talking ever since. we live in 2 different states at the moment. at first we caught up with each other and brought each other up to date with what we had missed out on. then as the months passed our talks went from being a couple times a week, to almost every day talking or texting each other, to now we cant even go an hour without talking or texting each other. about 2 or 3 months ago in a very drunken stupor i confessed my feelings for him. i told him how i had once felt and that i still somewhat felt those feelings for him. he then (sober) confessed those feelings right back and we sat there upset at the fact that it took 6 yrs to verbalize these feelings and at such a bad time. he's single and dating occasionally but im married. now to make matters worse, my husband and him have become friends and im caught in between. these feelings have gotten to the point where we both have mutually expressed to each other that we are indeed in love with each other and want to be together. i am at point where ive seriously started to look into getting a a divorce. my husband is completely oblivious to this situation, he just thinks he is my best friend and as far as our marriage goes, he's in heaven and completely unaware or uncaring that i am in hell. i want to end my marriage but i am afraid to hurt his feelings. at the same time, im afraid that what im feeling for my best friend is simply because he is what my husband isnt at the moment. is it normal that im going through this? what advice can anyone offer me? is it possible that what my best friend and i share is real love or is it just a crush? please help!

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 38 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • darnitjoan
    12 years ago

    feelings for your friend aside...you need to leave your relationship if you're not happy. Then you can deal with your friend.

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  • moose89
    13 years ago

    Your story reminds me a lot of my mother. She works hard all day every day and comes home to a loser boyfriend who does nothing to help her around the house. I can't stand to see her feel under-appreciated like that. You shouldn't have to feel that way either. I say dump this prick and call up your friend. You KNOW that you two can be together. I know you do.

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  • randomjelly
    13 years ago

    No matter if the feelings for your friend are true or not...be a good person and get a divorce.

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  • AshNMatt13
    14 years ago

    I've been with my fiance for going on five years. I recently reconnected with a best friend that I had lost touch with and fell back in love with him (the bff) :P and we talk and text almost every hour. And the fiance is completely oblivious (actually thinks the bff is homo :P) and the sad part is, my feelings have flip flopped. I now see my fiance as a bff and my bff as a lover. ugh so confusing. but yeah. I don't know what to do either. At least there's somebody else out there going through this, too I guess :)

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    • soconfused
      14 years ago

      oh man lol. it is so hard and confusing. how old are you, your fiance and bff if you dont mind me asking?

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  • stanley_fedoraless
    14 years ago

    To see if what you and your best friend share is real love or just a crush I think you need to resolve the problems with your marriage first (by getting a divorce if necessary, but don't do that just so you can be with your best friend). If you still have feelings for your best friend after that then you can reasonably assume it's real love.

    If you're not happy in your marriage and your husband isn't willing to change anything to make you happy, then you should get a divorce. Bur before you do that you should talk to him about how unhappy you are and see if he's willing to go to marriage counseling with you--it might help for him to hear about the things he should be doing for the sake of his marriage from someone other than you. If he won't do that or it doesn't help then divorce him.

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