Married and in love with my best friend

37% Normal
6 Comments

So this might be a two-part question. I've been married for several years and he cheated on me. After I took him back, we decided to have somewhat of an open marriage, i reluctantly agreed. He's dating the same girl again. I'm probably going to end up leaving him. my first question is, how? I love him and miss him when he's gone, but it doesnt seem to be for the right reasons.. ego, cant pay rent, sex, possesion etc,, part 2.. my best friend is a male about 7 years younger than me. Weve been close for almost 3 years, I've found my heart beating for him harder and harder. He gets wierd when we get too close, but alot of times he says and does things indicating he too is in love with me, to the point where his brothers and other friends are convinced he's in love with me, But he's one of those guys who's shy and awkward and would be cold for a period of time if things got wierd, so its a big risk. Also he is younger than me and clearly is not ready to be in a relationship yet. Also i suspect that because Im married it may put a damper on things, even though he know completely of my situation. He'll be totally into me and then say something like "its not like your my girlfriend' in a joking way, or if i say "its not like we are in a relationship or something' he gets wierd.. uugggghhh i'm so confused.. and we are REALLY close. like talk everyday, do everything together, change in front of eachother, close. He wont even go on a date if I dont approve

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37% Normal
Based on 27 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • screwed
    13 years ago

    So I'd like to add that I have now left him.. But the best friend thing is still painful. i want to tell him so bad. But I'm terrified.. Ollieo I'd like to say I very much see your point.. i have been fighting my feelings for him for almost 3 years.. even before my husband completely screwed up... i just pushed it back because i loved my husband and wanted to work with him

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  • Gabriell
    13 years ago

    I think you should go ahead with your friend.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    i had the same prob with a gf a while back i went for my friend and my ex gf just smiled ~understander

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  • deepthought33
    13 years ago

    Its not even a marriage anymore is it. I know how it feels though to not want to leave a relationship for those reasons. I still have a year before I have to face that reality (my husband is overseas) and I'm not too excited about it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Open marriage requires consent and acceptance. If that is not the case, and it isn't, then take it for what it is. Your husband trying to cover up the deceit of cheating, and it is something that is not for you.

    You also need to put the brakes on & create some boundaries around this friend. You've got enough problems in your marriage. If he can't act like a friend & be a support to you AS A FRIEND, then put him on ice. And stop transferring all your hopes and unmet needs from a failing marriage onto this hapless young guy, that's not fair on your part.

    Give yourself personal time away from both these guys to save some money if necessary, and to get out. Counseling might help before & after. But the direction is obvious.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Some open marriages work. Yours seems like it is not one of them.

    Since your husband went right back to seeing the same woman he cheated on you with, it seems like he's just doing a good job of manipulating you into getting everything he wants, even if it's at the cost of dooming your marriage. I bet he even encouraged you to seek out an affair of your own so that he could further justify the validity of having an open marriage.

    Since you are "reluctant" about the situation, but you seem dedicated to your marriage, I would avoid pursuing your friend for now and demand that you and your husband get into some marital counseling before your marriage dissolves completely. It would also make sense for your husband to cut off his affair immediately, until you get this resolved, but making that demand at this point could push him further away.

    Open marriages usually only work if you already have a strong, committed relationship with a ton of communication between the spouses. If you have an open marriage hoping it will fix an already occurring problem, then you are headed on a fast-track to Splitsville.

    By the way, you're probably going to get a lot of hateful & not very helpful comments on your post since a lot of people on this site have little knowledge of alternative lifestyles - take them with a grain of salt. Good luck.

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