Marriage or love interest? stay or move on?

Pull your panties back up sister & don't be so dismissive about your husband now taking you seriously and making an effort.

Many marriages get dull especially with work & kids, routines & stress. Go together for marital counseling.

Forget about the flame friend. You are likely making more of him than is there because of what you are missing AND because you haven't lived with him for 12 years or had his children.

There's a lot at stake here - your marriage, husband, family & children. I bet you will work it out with marriage counseling, & if not, at least put together the least destructive course of action.

But don't lose your mind by crushing on an acquaintance and punishing your husband for past disinterest.

In all honestly it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that it's OK to cheat on your spouse.

Good advice above. All. Let me share my story. I'm a man, in the same position as you are, but about 6 months further along, and fortunately, grown children.
First of all, if you and hubby fight, or argue loudly-a lot- then yes, move on. You're not doing the kids any favors. Nuff said on that.

I've been married for 24 years. The last five with little intimacy, and the last 2 without any sex, or even contact. (Kiss, hug, etc.) She grew very cold. BUT, that's how I perceived it. She thought I grew cold. COMMUNICATE. Talk to hubby. Yes, a councelor can help, at least to be the one to get the conversation started.

My now GF, was the same way. Stay in the marriage, but if it doesn't work out, I'll be here. Uh huh.
My life now that I've separated:
I live alone in an RV
I have ZERO friends. They all run when divorce is imminent.
My girl friend/ part time lover, still sleeps with at least one other man, THAT I KNOW OF.
My business is tanking because of my now tarnished reputation
Karma is kicking my ass.

My soon to be ex is being supportive of my 'mid life crisis' and does not know about the other woman. My life is in the toilet. Before, I didn't have sex, and intimacy. Now, I have next to nothing. I can't even pay the rent. Before I was making a ton of money.

Is this your life? I dunno. But it may be. ESPECIALLY because you'll be 'abandoning' your kids. (That's how the world will see it, trust me.) I get that, and my 'kids' are in their 20s, and living on their own.

My advice: Get a mediator/councelor, and tell husband everything. He will react one of two ways. One: Jealousy, and try like hell to get you and the spark back. Two: Throw you out.

My ex would go for One in a heartbeat. I was too stubborn. My marriage is over. Maybe my business too.

Stay sweetheart. Find the passion again. Make suggestions. Communicate. I did all the things you did, and here I am.

Last thing to ask yourself. All the things you tried to do to rekindle have been subtle, huh?
Don't be subtle. Tell him! I made this special meal, and sent the kids to their friends tonight because I don't want to lose our love. If he still eats, burps, and goes to be early (without you) then move on.

Good luck. The road you think is good is full of horseshit, and landmines.

Marriage is not easy. Remember that you took an oath. Any twit can stay in an easy marriage but it takes a real woman to stick it out when it gets tough. Just b/c some friend comes along and shows you a little attention doesn't mean you should start daydreaming about leaving. You have invested 12 years with this man, you have children together. You say your marriage is not ideal and you blame him, but you will be the one your children blame if you leave. Forget about your friend and put all that energy 100%% into your marriage. Your children deserve it. Give it everything you've got and don't be a quitter. You owe it to yourself and your family that YOU chose to have. Being married is like being in the army. Get back in there!!!!!! You don't want to be a cowardly deserter, do you?????????????

WOW, I cannot tell you enough that you should NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE!

I agree with Ollieo's comment above... Except that counseling often doesn't work... If you want to make things better, if you want to bring that spark back, then YOU have to work on improving yourself first. YOU are having an emotional affair with another man, which in some ways is even more destructive and hurtful than a sexual affair. If you work at making the same kind of emotional connection with your hubby, you will feel just as connected with him as you do with the subject of your affair right now....

It sounds counter-intuitive, but the way to achieve this is to improve yourself and your actions in how you treat your husband as a way to encourage your hubby to follow suit. Positive changes (like working to improve the relationship you already HAVE) bring about positive things (like the kind of spectacularly fulfilling married life you may have always daydreamed about), negative changes (such as affairs or other bad behaviors) bring about negative things (like divorce, heartbreak, pain, etc)

If you are willing to give it a shot or are maybe just still not quite sure, watch the movie "Fireproof" with your hubby or at least by yourself (you can rent or buy it just about anywhere)... It is a religious-based film but the basic marriage principles apply to anyone, and it is REALLY good inspiration to turn your own marriage around.

Then, I recommend you learn about the 5 love languages... Look for a book from Gary Chapman called "The Five Love Languages". Read it, understand it, and see if perhaps your husband is interested in knowing it too... This WILL help -a LOT.

Next, I recommend that you also (at a minimum) read the book called "Marriage Fitness" by Mort Fertel. This is an especially powerful book with tools that, with time and work from both you and your hubby, will enhance your marriage to a most fulfilling relationship... If you really want to throw yourself into it, then you can pay for the full "course" including audio CDs and tele-conferences, etc... That is also really good -but as I said, at a MINIMUM, read the book.

PLEASE don't become a statistic... Divorce is never a good solution, especially where kids are involved. Learn how to love your hubby right, and let him learn how to love you back in the way you need from him! DROP that other guy IMMEDIATELY and focus your affection back into your marriage before you destroy everything that is (or should be) most important to you.

Good luck, and God bless you!

what do you think marriage is .. u sound very selfish.. marriage isnt just about you.. its a mutual agreement.. u made a commitment to ur husband.. u should honor it