Marriage is a throw away concept?

61% Normal

Is marriage a throw away concept? If so, then why do so many women seek it out? I say women because it seems most men just want a happy bed partner. Women on the other hand want the whole fantasy of huge diamond engagement ring, big wedding (with a 10K wedding dress..Say Yes to the Dress), an over priced house (House Hunters)and a couple of over priced, over pampered babies. The husband seems to be extraneous to the fantasy or he's just the one that shells out all the money to pay for the woman's absurd fantasy.

If the husband fails in any aspect of her fantasy, she uses that as an excuse to bail on him either emotionally or physically.

Therefore the modern man has very little reason to be wed. He's not being seen as a person. Just a thing for a woman to use.

Is this why there are such high divorce rates? Do people actually consider the ramifications of such a commitment? Or is marriage a throw away concept?

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61% Normal

Based on 23 votes (14 yes)

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Comments ( 38 )

8=====D~~~~~

7 years ago

Yes marriage is a throw away concept in this day and age. Women sell a surplus of "reproductivity" to which men are interested in and willing to trade their "labor" suplus for. This led to the idea of marriage in the first place. The American ideal of marriage is failing because it is based on Puritan ideals of monogamy and most people have a hard time with this as it is a fairly new concept in terms of human civilization. Marriage has been around for centuries but for most of that time it was as an "open" marriage meaning spouses weren't bound to one another and only one another.

The ability for the woman today (specifically American women) to get something called a "no fault divorce" has led to scores of divorces across all socio-economic levels of society. This type of divorce essentially rewards the fickle emotional nature of women with financial incentives. Basically it allows women to legally take half of the man's money that he earned during the time of being married while providing no evidence of any reason for the divorce other than she "feels like getting divorced". Essentially legally stealing his money.

Feminists and even some boneheaded men will counter debate that some men do this very same thing. And while that is true, the statistics are heavily favored on women behaving this way. Also it is worth mentioning most men have too much self respect and overall pride to essentially legally take half a women's accrued finances, conversely most women do not see a problem in doing this to a man especially if goaded to do it by a lawyer (who also has a financial incentive) and their own natural vindictive nature.

Men of today who are considering marriage need to very carefully consider exactly what they are doing, especially if they have financial resources through their own hard work and saving/investing. Marriage is the single most important decision you will make and could have serious ramifications years down the line if a poor choice is made.

Remember any man who is reading this. You have been informed. Don't delude yourself into thinking real life is like a romantic movie. That's how women think and will always think. And women are NOT your equal.

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8=====D~~~~~

7 years ago

The fact that so many true to life comments are getting downvoted is testament to the fact of how many deluded young people really are out there.

This is some very valuable real world advice and it is just getting completely ignored. Lead a horse to water...

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- mysistersshadow
  
  7 years ago
  
  This is very similar to when I explained how the dating game works and it upset ppl. Hey kids I didn't make this stuff up I just understand it. I felt I gave guys useful if not a little blunt basic guide to whats happening and it still pissed them off. Hate the game not the player.
  
  The adversarial nature of the interactions on this website is really disappointing we could all be really helping each other but instead petty sniping and ludicrous agendas carry the day.
  
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- IMissMary
  
  7 years ago
  
  I agree!
  
  Going to vote them back up...
  
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IMissMary

7 years ago

I guess this is why so many guys are going MGTOW. But IMO MGTOW is a little extreme. A lot of these guys are hurt and turned completely away from women. I'm not going to hurt myself to spite women. I still need sex from them and some sort of companionship. IMO MGTOW guys are just too weak to allow themselves interaction with females on any level. Otherwise they will fall back into the trap of being a weak male.

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- 8=====D~~~~~
  
  7 years ago
  
  Going MGTOW is not the answer either. That's why the concept is so obscure and will always be fairly obscure. It's the system that has done this to men that is to blame. It makes for an interesting discussion and I thank the OP for creating this story.
  
  It would be nice to have whomever is doing the downvoting actually comment rationally on the discussion instead of sneaking in and downvoting, but whatever.
  
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  - IMissMary
    
    7 years ago
    
    They down vote because there is actually nothing that can logically and rationally be said to the contrary of what we have been saying.
    
    The facts we pointed out are undeniable truths imo.
    
    And your'e right it the system that has failed men. Women like anyone who has a system in their favor take advantage of it when they can. I don't know who poisoned the system or how they did it but they did a hellava job. Hard for men to fight back because women take the weak/victim stance justifies their actions and demonizes any man who attempts to regain any self worth.
    
    What kind of person would actually make themselves believe and fight for the money someone else has earned? John goes to college and makes $70k per year, John meets Jane, marries Jane and divorces her. Jane fights tooth and nail for everything she can get from John [house, car, money, everything] with a real sense that its due her, that he actually owes her his income. Since the courts says Jane can do this, she pursues until she gets what she feels is rightfully hers.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Jane feels she has the right to take John's money because they had sex? Does women's lib go out the door at the woman's convenience?
      
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      - 8=====D~~~~~
        
        7 years ago
        
        I have a hard time understanding why women needed liberation to begin with? If America was a Muslim country that would make sense. I have a hard time understanding how oppressed women really were?
        
        The courts have no mercy on men when it comes to these sort of things. To be fair its not ALWAYS the woman, when lawyers get involved they are the ones who really push for these things. Even in a total losing effort the man is still expected to "man up". We're only human after all. Willing walking into a situation where there is a very real chance the outcome could be I only get to keep 40% of the money I earned myself is a very hard sell.
        
        Are you a woman? Would this scenario interest you?
        
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        mysistersshadow
        
        7 years ago
        
        - This is part 2 of my reply -
        
        7. She would face difficulty getting a credit card. Unmarried women faced serious blocks getting credit with banks being allowed to deny their application solely for their marital state up to the 1970s. Married woman could typically only get a credit card if her husband was willing to co-sign. There weren't legal measures put in place to eliminate this practice until 1974 with the Equal Credit Opportunity Act. This act made it illegal to deny a woman a credit card on the basis of gender.
        
        8. Marital rape wasn't criminalized. Rape within the confines of marriage wasn't recognized as a crime in all 50 states until 1993. Meaning, a women basically couldn't refuse sex to her husband or legally fight back if he raped her.
        
        9. Women couldn't get an Ivy League education with a few exceptions. Getting an elite education wasn't a option for even the nations brightest women. Cornell University and the University of Pennsylvania started accepting women in 1870 and 1876 respectively. Other Ivy League institutions didn't follow until more than two decades after World War II with Yale and Princeton starting to accept female students in 1969 and the rest doing the same over the next 12 years.
        
        10. There were no women in the military. The first half of the 20th century saw two major wars but both of these conflicts had no women in combat. It wasn't until 1948, when Congress passed the Womens Armed Services Integration Act which allowed women to serve in the military and earn veterans benefits that women became a significant military presence (in areas besides traditionally female roles such as nursing where they had been making a difference for many years prior).
        
        11. Legal abortions didn't exist. Until the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973 a woman faced some serious restrictions when it came to terminating a pregnancy oftentimes leading to dangerous illegal procedures.
        
        12. Serious discrimination ran rampant in the workplace. Women may make 77 cents to every mans dollar today but the numbers were much worse years ago when women made as little as 59 cents for every mans dollar back in 1963 (think about it: we've only made up 18 cents over the last 53 years thats one third of a cent per year). But lacking pay wasn't the only problem working women faced. They also faced sexual harassment and in some professions, restrictions on clothing and even her weight.
        
        13. In many states women couldn't serve on juries. Using the justification that women shouldn't be asked to leave the home or that their sensibilities were too delicate to hear the gory details during a trial women in many states couldn't serve on a jury until 1973 when female jurors were permitted in the courtroom throughout the country.
        
        And of course:
        
        14. They didn't have the right to vote. While the Constitution never prohibited women from voting in the past the passing of the 19th Amendment made the right a standard for women across the country. Ironically women could hold public office the first female member of Congress was elected in 1917 but she couldn't even vote for herself to earn the position.
        
        So does that help? Does being female before the early 2oth century sound all that appealing? We've made some serious strides on the road to equality of opportunity but there are still gaps. And there are things that are unfair to men as well but that can be the subject of a different post.
        
        I've numbered them for convenience of response. And please rational thoughtful replies are the only I'll consider responding to. If you guys really want to have a meaningful dialog about serious topics don't be dicks. Any hateful replies or name calling will be dismissed as irrelevant becos it is.
        
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        mysistersshadow
        
        7 years ago
        
        - This is part 1 of a 2 part post -
        
        "I have a hard time understanding why women needed liberation to begin with? If America was a Muslim country that would make sense. I have a hard time understanding how oppressed women really were?"
        
        Ok lets discuss this. If this is tl;dr I can completely understand but these things aren't simple anyone offering a simple answer is pushing a not so well hidden agenda. Honest discourse often can not be accomplished with brevity. So then here we go...
        
        1. Most married at a very young age. In 2010 the average age of for a woman to get married was 26. Back in 1920 when the 19th Amendment was ratified the average bride was 21 years old. Why is this important? It wasn't simply a choice they made. Keep reading.
        
        2. Women were having children at a much younger age. Even in the 1950s the average age for the birth of a womans first child was 22. That means that half of all American women were mothers before there 22nd birthday and were therefore shuffled into a life of motherhood and homemaking before they had a chance to think about what they wanted to do with their lives.
        
        3. Oral contraception didn't exist. Its no wonder that women were having children so much earlier the pill wasn't approved by the FDA until 1960. And there were some serious bumps along the way to its approval: Margaret Sanger, a pioneer in the birth control movement was arrested multiple times for opening the nations first birth control clinic. But this 1960 approval still didn't grant all women access to the pill. It took 12 more years until the 1972 Supreme Court decision Baird v. Eisenstadt for birth control to be accessible to all women regardless of martial status.
        
        4. Plan B couldn't be a womans "Plan B". Emergency contraception wasn't approved by the FDA until a staggeringly late year—1998. But accessing Plan B which needs to be taken soon after intercourse to be effective wasn't easy for all women: A prescription was needed for Plan B until very recently when it became available to women of all ages prescription free.
        
        5. She could get fired for being pregnant. Working women could have their careers cut short if they became pregnant until the passage of the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 which outlawed the practice.
        
        6. She couldn't sue for sexual harassment. When Title VII was passed in 1964 it was supposed to eliminate sex discrimination in the workplace. But courts didn't recognize sexual harassment in the workplace until 1977. That maybe because defining sexual harassment was still murky until 1980 when the term was officially defined by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
        
        -continued in next post the website said it was to long-
        
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      - IMissMary
        
        7 years ago
        
        Exactly right.
        
        As soon as a man has sex with a woman she feels he owes her something...everything. If he wants to leave she takes the victim approach immediately.
        
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IMissMary

7 years ago

I look at sport players, entertainers etc and think how stupid can some of these people be? So many with multiple kids from multiple women.

With so many women in the world you can go anywhere in Asia for example and basically have a harem of women. Bring them back to the US in groups of three and let them stay until their visit visa says they have to go back, then send for a new batch. Of course American women and the media would try to shame any man who ever attempted to do this, but so what.

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mysistersshadow

7 years ago

I think its becoming more common that married couples split but every situation has its own circumstances and unfortunately once ppl get to the divorce there opinions on why it happened is biased.

For me I don't plan on ever getting married or having kids so the OP doesn't really apply to me. I think I'll be working and supporting myself for the resr of my life. I'm on the edge of committing to a non traditional kind of relationship but I won't be married and still able to do what I want and if and when I leave I won't be taking anything I didn't start with or earn previously.

I think its sad the way many of the guys on here look at relationships it doesn't have to be the way the OP describes.

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- 8=====D~~~~~
  
  7 years ago
  
  Lol, look at all the downvotes. Even you got downvoted.
  
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  - mysistersshadow
    
    7 years ago
    
    Yea I wouldn't expect any thing less.
    
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    - shuggy-chan
      
      7 years ago
      
      I don't understand why people have to try to devalue marriage. If you don't feel like it's for you, but don't get married.
      
      I don't understand the mentality of "I don't think it's for me, therefore everyone else is wrong for enjoying it"
      
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      - 8=====D~~~~~
        
        7 years ago
        
        Nobody is saying people who enjoy it are idiots or fuck them or anything like that. I know a few happily married people, I guess anyway, who knows how happy they are. Only they do.
        
        That's the whole point of this post. Think things through before you just rush in. If you don't do that (with anything really) you are setting yourself up big time for a BIG fall.
        
        Marriage can be the biggest of the big falls. You could end up paying for someone's lifestyle maintenance for the next 18 years and it wouldn't be your child. This country is so screwed up anymore and this is just another example. But if you want to ignore what you can read here, go right ahead.
        
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      - IMissMary
        
        7 years ago
        
        The problem is people thought marriage was for them without making the proper considerations. This is why this topic is important, it helps people to consider things they have not thought about.
        
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      - mysistersshadow
        
        7 years ago
        
        Yea some ppl are very happy but whatever I don't care.
        
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- IMissMary
  
  7 years ago
  
  Such common idealistic thinking from someone who has never been married nor even plans on getting married to the opposite sex.
  
  Of course you can have an opinion but consider that its about as valid as you commenting on living in North Korea.
  
  Sure it doesn't have to be that way, but the reality is...it is this way. Sure the world doesn't have to be full of fighting, people don't have to starve, our food does not have to be full of chemicals etc.
  
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  - mysistersshadow
    
    7 years ago
    
    Another member requested I post my opinion. I grew up the child of a married couple and I knew others parents and I've known married couples in my adult life. Its just a opinion based on my experience nothing more.
    
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    - IMissMary
      
      7 years ago
      
      ic
      
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IMissMary

7 years ago

There was a time in the US when the court system favored the men. For example my mother and father divorced by in the early 70's. Both had jobs and they had 6 kids. He was actually awarded the house. His child support for 5 kids as the oldest was over 18 already was less than 100 dollars.

Back then even if a man didn't pay support it was not enforced and many men just didn't pay because of that fact. Other men simply moved out of state and left a young legal system to try to sort out who owes who what and how to get it. These days you are trapped and there is nowhere to run. Pay up or go to jail [period]. You say you are broke, jobless, homeless and out on the street? Basically to bad, go to jail and try to petition a Judge to remove or reduce your debt.

Men think, oh I'm going to do the right thing and take care of my child. I won't be a dead beat dad. Okay sure, keep in mind that at least half of your take home pay will go to child support, many times more. Females have a number of ways to be vindictive and the court supports them all...

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Anonymous Post Author

7 years ago

Why is the court system biased to women?

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- mysistersshadow
  
  7 years ago
  
  This is to complex to accurately cover all the angles but basically its about kids. Women tend to be the ones that take the responsibility of the kids. Not that men couldn't but many choose not to. Its very difficult being a single mother and having to juggle kids and a job. So since ostensibly the man was involved in creating the kids he gets to contribute financially to what it takes to keep them fed and clothed etc.
  
  Of course there are unfortunate situations where the mother is unfit and still gets custody and the guy would love to have more/some/any custody of his kids but can't. But this is not the norm.
  
  Theres also the thing where women tend to make less for doing the same work as a man so that factors in as well.
  
  If you want to disagree with this thats fine but reply in a civilized way if you want a response. I'm not dignifying the name callers with replies at this time.
  
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IMissMary

7 years ago

Why do women seek to marry?

Bernie Ecclestone's divorce from Slavica; estimated at $1–$1.2 billion.

Harold Hamm's divorce from Sue Ann Arnall; estimated at $974.8 million.

Adnan Khashoggi's divorce from Soraya Khashoggi; estimated at $850 million.

Craig McCaw's divorce from Wendy McCaw; estimated to exceed $460 million.

Mel Gibson's divorce from Robyn Moore Gibson; estimated at $425 million.

Robert L. Johnson's divorce from Sheila Johnson: estimated at $400 million.

Roman Abramovich's divorce from Irina Abramovich; estimated at $300 million.

Michael Polsky's divorce from Maya Polsky, $184 million.

Boris Berezovsky's divorce from Galina Besharova; estimated at $160 million.

Neil Diamond's divorce from Marcia Murphey; estimated at $150 million.

Frank McCourt's divorce from Jamie McCourt; estimated at $130 million.

Greg Norman's divorce from Laura Andrassy; estimated at $103 million.

Steven Spielberg's divorce from Amy Irving; estimated at $100 million.

Madonna's divorce from Guy Ritchie; estimated at $76–$92 million.

Kevin Costner's divorce from Cindy Silva; estimated at $80 million.

Kenny Rogers divorce from Marianne Rogers; estimated at $60 million.

James Cameron's divorce from Linda Hamilton; estimated at $50 million.

Paul McCartney's divorce from Heather Mills; estimated at $48.6 million.

Michael Douglas' divorce from Diandra Douglas; estimated at $45 million.

Ted Danson's divorce from Casey Coats; estimated at $30 million.

Donald Trump's divorce from Ivana Trump; estimated at $25 million.

Lionel Richie's divorce from Diane Richie; estimated at $20 million.

Johnny Carson's divorce from Joanna Holland; estimated at $20 million.

Mick Jagger's divorce from Jerry Hall; estimated between $15 and $25 million.

In addition:
1) Marriage is one of those check marks on a females bucket list, along with having a child.

2) Although most women don't marry rich men the settlement from an average working class guy will net them at least a house.

3) Women conjure up fantasies in their heads that society has placed, wedding, white picket fence with 2.3kids etc

4) Women are attention seekers by nature, so weddings offer a best chance to get 100% attention from everyone, all that attention is a rush

5) Women are jealous by nature of other women. If Jane has a ring she wants a ring, if Jane gets married, she wants to get married, if Jane has a child then so does she.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why are there such high divorce rates?

Although marriage is satisfying in terms of attention and wealth, its also constricting in terms of freedom. The classic move for women is the 1, 2, 3 punch.

1) Get married to a guy with money
2) Have two kids
3) Wait three years and divorce

The investment will in time will satisfy the goal of marriage, the goal of children and provide the added bonus of possible alimony, child-support for the next 18 years [great supplemental income], possible home and car etc.

Basically the 1,2,3 punch is a proven method at getting ahead and securing a future, while at the same time earning respect as a "Single Mother" and obtaining the necessities of life without having to actually work for them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take a step back and look at the big picture. Marriage + the Legal System = Power for women.

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- Jujudog
  
  7 years ago
  
  Hell in my country they passed a law in 2010 that simply living together with your partner (and kids) for longer than 1 year is basically the same as being married. That is to say, the woman will then be legally treated as having been married, and is legally entitled to the same as a married woman. In such cases, the man, (whether married or not) is obliged to leave the home, (or provide suitable and equal accommodation for the girlfriend and kids), as well as paying child support and maintenance for the woman. So many guys don't know what they are walking into.. I have buddies who have actually lost their house simply because they lived with their girlfriend for over 1 year. Crazy.
  However, its noteworthy that the man, if unmarried, after a breakup, has absolutely NO automatic legal entitlement to his children, in fact the state refuses to recognise him as their father. He must spend time, effort and money in order to be recognised and legally listed as the Dad.
  Just a bit imbalanced?
  
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  - 8=====D~~~~~
    
    7 years ago
    
    This is exactly what I am saying. Most men today have NO idea what they are walking into....
    
    A man losing his own house because he lived with someone of the opposite sex for just ONE year is unbelievable. And I don't doubt it either.
    
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    - Jujudog
      
      7 years ago
      
      Haha wonder who is giving us all the down thumbs!
      
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  - IMissMary
    
    7 years ago
    
    Good points!!!
    
    Especially the noteworthy comment about men having no legal rights to their own flesh and blood child. The state only sees the male as a source of income for the mother.
    
    Young men need to wake up.
    
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Tealights

7 years ago

It's not that complicated.

Failed marriages are due to 4 common reasons in the USA (Of course there are more reasons out there):

1. The American Dream. Both men and women share this dream. Nice house, attractive wife/husband, a few well-behaved children, and a great career; and all must be done by time you reach your 40's (more or less). This dream is unrealistic, but a lot of people aim for it without realizing who they're marrying, how much work a marriage actually takes, and how difficult it is to raise children (especially if you've married someone you can't depend on emotionally, or financially).

2. The Infatuation Stage. A lot of people don't know what love is, and assume the intense feelings of the honeymoon phase after meeting someone is love, when in reality they don't know much about who they're marrying. So once the all the chemicals in your brain even out, and you're not getting that large dose of dopamine, you start learning who you really married.

3. Loneliness and Desperation. Whether you had a bad childhood you never overcame, or had a string of terrible relationships you've never fully healed from, whatever the reason may be, there are people who just want to feel wanted by anyone. However, this leads to abusive situations, or passionless/empty marriages.

4. Combination of all three reasons mentioned above.

What's the lesson here? Be yourself, and enjoy life. You don't need to get married and pop out a few babies to be happy. Also, when you meet someone you like, don't rush; there are no set relationship milestones you have to uphold (Ex: "We've been dating for 1 year! We should be living together by now!!!"). More importantly, don't be afraid to end the relationship; especially if someone is pushing you to live together, get marriage, behave a certain way, etc; because all that means is they're trying to fulfill some weird fantasy or complete some ulterior motive (financial support, reputation, etc).

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Anonymous Post Author

7 years ago

I agree with both of the defenses above. However if men are aware of the trap, why are they so willing to walk into the trap? Is any female worth it? In our modern day world, should we have consenting adults sign a contract before entering into any relationship (be it a one night stand or a marriage)? That way everyone is aware of the end result. Should we have mandatory extensive psychological counseling for anyone entering into marriage?

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- 8=====D~~~~~
  
  7 years ago
  
  Because most men still believe in the dream. There are young guys on this website who could read word for word my comment and completely dismiss it or label me as "bitter". I'm not bitter as I've never even been married.
  
  The truth is ugly to swallow sometimes. Sure, there are some females out there who are worth it and would not do this, but unfortunately they are pretty rare this day and age.
  
  You can try protecting yourself with a pre-nuptial agreement, but some judges have completely thrown them out during divorce proceedings.
  
  Marriage is something that any man, if considering, should consider very carefully.
  
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- IMissMary
  
  7 years ago
  
  Why willing to walk into the trap?
  Most men still think "It won't happen to me"
  Men find themselves "In Love" and trapped into going through with a marriage.
  Men might have a child out of wedlock and "Want to do the right thing" by marrying the female.
  The list goes on and on....
  
  Is any female worth it?
  Simply put NO.
  
  Sign contract before marriage?
  Sure and along with the contract a written statement which shows what each party stands to gain if the marriage is dissolved.
  
  I always advise all young men I come in contact with to donate sperm and get a vasectomy asap. This way the only way to get a female pregnant is "By Appointment Only". This will at least give him some time to think clearly and not get some chick he met at a bar or a fly-by-night gf pregnant.
  
  Basically no male should ever marry any women unless it is clearly to his advantage to do so....having signed contracts etc.
  
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pixiecutlover

7 years ago

Marriage is just a piece of paper , some women are just broke sows they move into a guys house get home to go through a weird ceremony , start pumping out babies and he pays for it. Reminds me of an insect spinning webs all over and laying eggs. Its not love its an animal,urge to breed on a primordial level. Dank monsters nesting in your home.

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Are You Normal?

Marriage is a throw away concept?