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Is it normal for my boyfriend to have a low sex drive. I mean he never wants to have sex. I've tried everything, even talking to him but nothing helps. It's been a year and it's the same. I don't want to make him uncomfortable or pressure him it just is something we aren't seeing eye to eye one. Any ideas?
Chances are that you are going to have to leave him. Google up "sexless marriage". There are lots of good links.
Could be all sorts of reasons for this.
Starting at the worst end, he could be getting better sex somewhere else. That might be another woman, or maybe porn that's way more kinky than he thinks you'd be willing to consider.
At the more benign end, maybe he's just distracted by school or work or other stuff going on in his life.
Somewhere in the middle is the possibility that he's bored with the sort of sex you had, he just has a low libido, or the ready availability of sex with you makes it not very interesting.
You're unhappy with the situation, but it seems he's unwilling to talk about what's going on. That means you have the options of either accepting that this is the way it's going to be indefinitely, or recognizing that it's time to move on.
Sex is complicated, and it's not all about the physical stuff. Most of sex goes on in the head, and if he's unable or unwilling to explain what's going on in his head, there's really nothing you can do to make the situation better.
Yeah I agree I've tried asking him if he wants to try other stuff or if he has kinks hed be willing to try but he says he doesn't have any.
From what you say in other responses, it sounds like he either just has a very low need for sex, or he's very repressed sexually. In any case, his limited number of previous sexual partners indicates that the problem is his, not due to something you're doing or failing to do.
Some women would be perfectly happy to be with a guy like this, but it seems to be an issue for you, and it appears he's either incapable of understanding this, or he just doesn't care.
Some medication can result in low libido, specifically antidepressants. Depression and general stress can also be a cause, as can insufficient sleep. He could also have low testosterone. If you've expressed your dissatisfaction clearly, he should care enough about you and your relationship to seek medical advice.
You have to decide just how important this problem is for you, and take that into account when you think about whether you want this relationship to continue. From what you say, it seems highly unlikely he's going to suddenly turn into Mr Macho. At 21, his libido should be close to its peak, while yours is likely to increase as you get older.
If he's not interested in you sexually, would he be happy for you to have sex with other guys?
Yeah you're right and no, he wouldn't want me to have sex with other guys. I just think he doesn't care that I feel this way because the more I talk about it with him the more closed off he gets about the subject. Like he won't even want head half the time. Idk it's weird but I agree with what your saying it's definitely something I have to think about.
It's good that you're making an effort to deal with the issue; it's not good at all that he's shutting you down.
JohnathanOo makes some interesting points in his post that might be relevant, but it seems to me that you aren't required to be your boyfriend's personal sex-therapist. Like most people, I've experienced sexual issues of various sorts in relationships. In order to deal with these, both people have to be willing and able to openly communicate their needs, preferences, dislikes, and anxieties.
If your boyfriend is stonewalling, there's no chance you'll be able to get to the bottom of whatever is at the root of this problem and find a way forward you can both accept. Frankly, you feeling that he just doesn't care is a huge red flag. It's irrelevant if he actually doesn't care, or if he's just too uncomfortable to talk about the problem. What matters is that you feel he doesn't care, and perceived indifference is highly corrosive in relationships.
Some people are asexual to one degree or another. That can work fine if their partner is also indifferent about sex, but it can cause serious problems when there's a mismatch.
Does he get erections easily? A guy his age should almost always have an erection when he wakes up. If he doesn't, that could suggest there's a physiological problem, such as low testosterone.
Yeah he has no problem getting an erection he just doesn't really want to do anything with it. It's like everything about the relationship is crumbling, not just our sex life. But when either one of us tries to break up with each other we ultimately end up talking it out and making fake promises we both know we won't keep. Thank you for you're different perspective I wasn't seeing things in that kind of way.
Have you tried talking to him in a comforting way about his own issues? This could just as easily be about his own insecurities as it could be about yours.
I'm sure his intentions are good and he means you no harm. My guess is that he's embarrassed or shy about something and he's scared you'll run 5 miles if you find out about it, which will make him feel even more awful.
He may also be one of these people who wants to wait until he's married before having his first awkward fumbly sexual encounter.
Either way, try to be understanding with him.
I've tried talking to him and I know he has had previous partners but I'm guessing it was the same. I've known him my whole life and even lived in the same house with him for2 years before we were dating and he never had a girlfriend or went out or brought anyone home. He just went to work me came back. We've had sex it's just never consistently, and when it's done he'll go on his phone or something. Thank you for responding I appreciate it
I think if he's on his phone you should sort of sit up and try to take a look. If he's shy about what's on his phone, that's strange.
He shouldn't have anything to hide. Your relationship should be between you and him, no third parties.
When I look at his phone he's just on blogs or reading emails. Doing things that aren't very interesting or important at that moment.
sounds like he is in a she'll of his own. Who knows why. It's possible he has a naturally low sex drive but if he's never had another girl or did anything kinky it's probably not in his nature. Perhaps in time that'll change but it could take years. I was like that a few years ago but it was mostly insecurity and not wanting to feel bad about not knowing if I was doing things right. I was always very cautious ans deliberate to not lose control to the point in which I couldn't show or feel much enjoyment. I also made sure I never received any sexual satisfaction without giving some first. And I never did anything that I felt could be degrading to a woman like slapping or saying names, cursing etc. I regret it now but everyone adjusts to such in their own way. I still wouldn't curse but I'd be more open overall in a healthy way. Being closed off was mostly a result of my childhood and being a bookworm. Hiding behind anything to try and be normal lol
Not normal at all. Most men that age are horny 24/7. They eat, drink and breath sex. He either has a psychological or physical problem. Most likely psychological. Low testosterone in guys that age is almost unheard of.
I've asked him why and he said he doesn't know why he just doesn't want to, but I don't think I worded the question right we've had sex before but he just doesn't really seem into it or really care if we don't have sex for long periods of time. Also to put things in perspective I'm 18 and he's 21 so I guess I figured his sex drive would be higher but that could be just me being ignorant.
Find somebody who you're sexually compatible with. It won't be hard considering his gender and age group and sex is a HUGE part in relationships. If you don't leave him now odds are you'll just end up leaving him later. It's not worth it at all. Talk to him about it and let him know how serious you are.
After reading your comments and the responses from others, the only thing I can really ad is this. Since he's getting erections but not fucking you he has to be getting off somewhere else. A healthy man will lose his mind after a few days of not ejaculating. If you're confident he doesn't have a side piece he must be jacking off. He could be addicted to porn or just so good at pleasuring himself (or both) that the real thing isn't as satisfying. Or he's just lazy or he's just not that attracted to you. He's probably whacking it in the bathroom and you're not aware. That's the only thing left I can speculated is happening.
If you're at your wits end and ready to leave his ass, a last ditch hail-mary thing you could do is tell him, "If you're not going to fuck me, I can easily find someone who will." This might be enough to kick his male ego in gear and make him step up. Or he'll go cry in the corner and call you a slut , blah, blah, blah. Either way you did everything you could on your end and you're over it anyways and not down to be in a sexless relationship at 18...
is he fat, is he gay , is he bashful. is he micro penis, is he retarded, is he curved dicked . All of these are valid reasons .