Love, relationship, pickup, men, is he gay

Thanks everyone! Your comments helped me sort of get over him. I am still curious whether he will ever admit to being gay or what he will do in the future datingwise, but I now have a new boyfriend and I no longer care to "seduce him." :)

Wow - sorry, but he's just not into you. And it seems to be driving you crazy. I think you should just move on.

You've tried to hook him up with a friend, denied him in the past.... are you single right now?! Sounds to me like you got yourself a downright GENTLEMAN. I think you set the tone with him in the past and that's the only thing he sees. If you are single now, tell him you want to be more than friends. If he sees you as a tease and not wanting to be in a monogamis relationship with him than he's not going to budge. That type of man sounds like someone whose gotten burned in the past and wants someone who will be solely with him. Don't be a tease in this situation just to have your ego stroked.

Maybe he likes classy women who don't throw themselves at him.

I'm new to this site and just learned that if I hover over posts I can see the date they were posted... Oops ^_^ Oh well, I got some passive venting out.

Ah, I see you've already updated - happy to hear you're "sort of over" him ;) and have a boyfriend :) I had to check out this post because one of the guys I actually DATED I STILL can't verify whether or not is gay. He said he "used to be" but that it was a phase. Long story short I eventually was shown logs of him pretending to be a girl online & cybering TENS OF MEN simultaneously, every day... (no, I didn't spy on him - his parents did X_x) I don't know if he'd only do that online, or if he wanted it for real too. So it's really scary and really hard to trust people's word. I never abandon putting trust in people no matter what happens, but reality can get so cruel.

Ok. He is definately gay. He did not want to spend the night in bes with you. He doesn't get your whole flirting thing. If he was not gay, he would tell you he is not intrested. He is gay. Bottom line.

Obviously this is just a guess as despite the copious informaiton provided, this is something that requires firsthand expsoure to even an educated guess, but nonetheless I've got to go with gay. I'm gay, but didn't accept it until age 32, after having dated and slept with women (exclusively but half-heartedly) until then, I am well aware of the lengths one will go to attempt to be straight, and this guy seems to be in the same boat.

Obviously, my personal history shapes my perspective, but that's my guess. The shower incident is most telling to me. I've lived with straight guys most of my life (in NYC- roommates are a financial necessity), and I have to say that when they're around even moderately attractive girls, they're going for the full lookover even if there's no intention of pursuit. Just too hard for them to resist. I got called out by one of my frat brothers for not checking out a girl passed out on a sofa once, and made a conscious effort thereafter-- it was rare that I didn't find all the straight guys taking the opportunity for an easy peep when it arose.

im gonna be totally honest with ya, i have had girls try it on with me for weeks and i have been totally oblivious to it, and it aint til one of my mates has said something about it to me that i start to notice it myself.
im not saying this bloke is as dense as me but just try asking him out for a drink or something so he knows ya interested and doesnt just think ya being friendly with him.
good luck with him though

Well I kinda relate to what he's doing. I hate to say this, but I'm a bit like him and I really hate that. I really should be taking the opportunities a little more.

Given the situation as you described it, my guess is he's the kind of guy who likes to take it slow. He's the kind who would rather spend the time talking to you and finding out more about you and your hobbies/interests and then he may make a move on you someday. So you can imagine that with people like that, when you ask him to stay overnight with one bed and no couch, he would absolutely freak out and he doesn't wanna go that quickly.

The other reason is he's a virgin and that he's terrified at the potential embarassment caused if you found out.

If you're really into him, then try taking it slow and see what happens next. Believe me, I know this kind of guys, once you have him, he will never cheat on you. So the effort will be worth it. Good luck.

That's odd, this guy resembles an aquantance of mine with a similar bahavior: not interested in girls (but I doubt he is gay), very polite, hepful, but kind of feminine in his behavior. But I know for a fact that he has never had a girlfriend, so he couldn't have gotten burned in the past...curious this stereotype

"offered to hook him up with one of my friends, " you said. A woman said that to me a few years ago and that really means "I'm not interested"

You asked him to spend the night (you only had one bed) he didn't pick that up??

He is just a total dolt.

I think you are just chasing him, you see a challenge.

You mentioned you have your choice of men. He acts effeminate. Interesting why you are interested.

The facts:
-He has not had a girlfriend in 2 years. Before that, he says, he had a 4 years relationship, but they "grew apart." He now says he does not need a relationship, b/c %%u201Che doesn't want to have kids yet.%%u201D He denies being gay.
-He is kind of feminine, talks feminine, so most people assume he is gay. That was my first impression too, but then again, he says he had a girlfriend... He listens to slow, girly music only. He does not dress feminine.
-A few years ago, he met my family and friends (he knew nobody in my city, so I hooked him up) and they loved him. They raved about how polite and sweet he was... He still asks about them. After that, he emailed me that he would like to get to know me better, if my boyfriend did not mind. I did not respond, because then I was not interested.
-I am pretty. I never had a problem attracting guys, and I never had a guy refuse me.

What I have done to get him interested:
-At work, I flirted him (smiles, etc.) He smiles back, and is nice, but nothing more.
-I asked him to help me find a new apartment. He drove me around for hours, helping me look.
-I offered to hook him up with one of my friends, lol, and picked his brain. He described his type as me! My height, weight, everything!!! Then, I showed him the photo of a friend, and he agreed to go on a date with her. I scheduled the date, then I went instead, we had a good time, but like friends. He never tried anything. Then, he wanted to go out with another friend of mine, but of course she did not go. (I told he not to.)

-He helped me move yesterday. He spent hours helping me, then went and got me some wine%%u2026 But when I came out of the shower, pretending that the hot water was not running, he came to help me, I wore nothing but a towel, and he did not even look. It was really late, so I told him that he could spend the night (I only have one bed, no couch, so it was a pretty obvious invite!), but he said he had to get up early tomorrow, and left!
-He was supposed to come back today to help me unpack, but he cancelled, saying he had to work, and not sure when he could come back.

The good signs:
-He described the girl who he wanted to date as my twin... And he denied being gay twice.
-He seems to mirror my body language when we talk.
-He loves my dog, and so good with him!

Bad signs:
-I friended him on MySpace, but he never added me. His profile is private.
-I offered him to shower at my place, he did not want to. I offered him to stay for the night, instead he drove home in the middle of the night. I was there in nothing but a towel, he did not bat an eyelash.
-He rarely calls or returns my calls, texts or emails.

What should I think?