Lost my virginity, is this how an orgasm is supposed to feel?

When women with a lot of sexual experience are asked to describe what orgasms are like for them, they often mention that the sensations vary a lot. You say that what you felt during sex wasn't what you know to be an orgasm, and I take that to mean it didn’t feel like what you experience when you masturbate yourself to orgasm. If you want to call what you felt during sex an orgasm — even if it wasn't like what you feel when you masturbate — that's entirely up to you. Nobody else has the right to say it wasn't an orgasm. If you weren't left feeling disappointed and like he'd left you dangling in mid-air when he finished, then it's cool. It seems to me the crucial fact is that you found the experience with the guy enjoyable, and I suspect the physical sensations you experienced were only a part of what made the event positive for you.

Something a lot of people don’t know is that research has found that only something like 20% of women are able to reach orgasm by the thrusting of a penis (or some other object) in their vagina alone. So it isn’t surprising that him thrusting in your vagina didn't make you come in the same way you do when you masturbate.

For the majority of women, the distance between the vagina and the clitoris is such that the clitoris just doesn't get enough stimulation to allow them to reach orgasm by solely PIV thrusting. There are positions which allow for more clitoral stimulation with the thrusting, but both the guy and the woman have to be aware of that and really know what they're doing in order to make missionary position work. If the guy was above you and thrusting really fast, your clitoris was obviously getting some stimulation, but it sounds like it wasn't quite enough to push you over the edge.

Something that might explain the pleasurable, fluttery feelings you experienced is that the angle of his penis in your vagina could have meant his thrusts were stimulating your G-spot. There's debate amongst sexuality researchers about the existence of an especially sensitive spot on the front wall of the vagina a little in from the entrance. But what’s certain is that some women feel nothing much if that area is rhythmically stimulated, other women find it pleasurable to some degree, and some find that it feels incredibly nice and it can be enough to get them to orgasm if the pressure and rhythm is right and it goes on long enough. The explanation seems to be that the genetic luck of the draw means some women's anatomy isn’t the same as that of others. Those women who are able to reach orgasm by G-spot stimulation usually require quite firm, fast and prolonged stimulation on it. The general advice on how to try to give a G-spot orgasm is to insert two fingers partway into the vagina and then use a fast “come here” motion to firmly stroke the feel-good place. That might give you some idea of how much pressure is generally required. If the guy was prodding (in a nice way) there when he thrust fast but he wasn’t able to keep it going long enough, that could explain why you felt like an orgasm was approaching, but never quite reached it.

Whatever was going on, it sounds like you got to what's called the plateau phase of sexual arousal, but never beyond that. I suspect your post-sex exhaustion might have been due to you tensing, breathing fast and straining to reach the full release of a complete orgasm, but never quite making it.

While it's good that you feel the guy treated you well and you were left feeling positive about him and the event, I have to question just how experienced, sensitive and sexually-aware he is. In my book, any guy who truly wants a woman to enjoy sex will make sure that she comes at least once before his dick is in her vagina. He'll also be very aware of the fact that the clitoris is where it's at for most women, so that's where he'll focus a lot — but not all — of his attention with his hands, mouth or other parts of his body.

Apart from the fact that it’s simply gentlemanly to make sure that the woman comes first, it’s also the case that once a woman has had one orgasm, her state of sexual arousal remains elevated for some time, so it’s much easier for the less intense sensations of PIV sex to take her back up to more orgasms.

There's a lot of individualism in how it feels.

Sounds fairly normal. Let your partner know that you are more turned on by him going fast than slow...

Most females are capable of many multiple orgasms if the partner treats them properly. I've never heard of a lady not enjoying having a series of orgasms in a row...

Enjoy life and your new found sexuality.