Long distance relationship and "sexting"

61% Normal
24 Comments

Preface:
So I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl for roughly a year now. Things for the most part have been fantastic and ive spent the greatest times of my life with her when we are able to visit.

Concern:
for the first half of our relationship, we were openly sexual with each other. We would tell lots of stupid sexual jokes over the phone and skype and we would exchange "sexts" roughly 4 times a month. We both had fun with it and were responsible and it was great. Recently, (the past 2 months), I haven't gotten anything of the sort. I have asked time and time again but every time I am shot down and rejected. I dont ask for anything explicit either. I have a foot fetish and all ive ever asked and gotten from her were pictures of her feet. I asked her why she wont give me pictures anymore and every time, "I just dont feel like it. I'm tired, bored, busy, ect. ect." And I feel really shitty. I dont wanna jerk off to porn. I wanna jerk it to her and her feet. I know how big of a deal this kind of thing is, and I would never force her or anyone to send suggestive images over the phone. She has every right to say no. But it never used to be like this. I asked her if she was uncomfortable doing it now and she said, "no im fine with it. i just dont feel like it." I dont understand. We are in a long distance relationship and I felt like when we would send each other stuff, like that was our sex life. and now its just gone. She doesnt even joke sexually about anything with me anymore. But once in awhile she will ask if I wanna have sex when I see her. I dont get it. I feel like she doesnt care about me or that ive done something wrong. i dont know. IIN? What should I do?

Voting Results
61% Normal
Based on 33 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 24 )
  • kayleeberry101
    9 years ago

    Why does this matter? I fail to understand the problem here. Talk to her and if she says she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. What's the big deal? You obviously know her extremely well and are best friends so why not just relax and do something else?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      It matters because it's a long distance sex life that's at stake. Something rather important in a relationship. And as such it is why I am concerned that there is something wrong. If she "just doesnt want to", then that's pretty emotionally taxing on myself.

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  • PandaBitch
    9 years ago

    You have to meet her, and u have to talk other than just sex , i mean maybe she was feels bad coz u were just ask for her feet pics or sexts .. she need ur real hugs n kiss
    If u truly love her.. meet her

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      We have met several times before and we do everything we can to see each other. And while we are away we dont just talk about sex. We have an actual emotional connection that keeps us alive.

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      • PandaBitch
        9 years ago

        Then ... i guess i have to say that she in love with someone else (- v -)

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          Thank you for your contribution lol.

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          • PandaBitch
            9 years ago

            sorry but that's in my mind

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  • hmmmm987
    9 years ago

    Maybe she needs physical contact with you? Have you offered to come visit her? If she shuts you down then ... Well she is no longer interested

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Im visiting in a few months. She is very interested in me. We have met several times before and we would both be devastated without each other. Its hard to see each other as often as we would like due to the distance.

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      • hmmmm987
        9 years ago

        In that case maybe keep asking for photos of her face not feet

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  • sillygirl77
    9 years ago

    Sounds like she may not be interested anymore. Good luck with whatever happens.

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    • blueyedleo
      9 years ago

      Silly the reason can be lack of communication.....few people like more explicit chat n get aroused.....few do it with pics.

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  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    Have you guys tried phone sex?

    Maybe she would prefer thoughts & fantasies over pictures, plus it's interactive..

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  • deadtea
    9 years ago

    It's hard to say what's causing this but I don't think you've done anything wrong. She's either naturally lost some of the interest in you or sexual activities with you (or in general) or she's hiding something. Not necessarily something bad, I'm not suggesting she's cheating or anything like this. It could be literally anything, something ridiculously small, or maybe something so personal that she doesn't even want to share it with the closest person. Maybe she doesn't want to bother you? Or maybe she can't even tell what it is, like a depression that comes from nowhere and makes everything you do feel dumb and boring? Don't insist and do your best to avoid being annoying while trying to figure out what's going on. When you talk, let her talk about herself, her feelings, or even daily stuff. Just make her feel important!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Im gonna sound like a jerk but thats all we talk about. Her. Her feelings and daily stuff and what she likes. And on the rare occasion that I try to shift the conversation in the direction of what I find interesting, music, hobbies, and the occasional sexual request, I feel immediately shut down. A lot of the time she will flat out ignore what I say and continue to talk about he interests and such. I guess it's kind of effected the sexting thing as well as normal conversation now that i think about it.

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      • deadtea
        9 years ago

        Then I still think it's not your fault. I've been in a long distance relationship once before, it was similar... I was the girl and I began to feel bad and insecure, very much as if I felt too shy and was constantly trying to run away from talking to the guy. I'm also an introvert and maybe he was just too pushy and intimidating but my case was probably totally different than yours. We haven't even met irl to start. And I mostly felt insecure about sex talks. Maybe it's her insecurities too? Just about something else. I suggested to talk about her because that's generally what makes people feel better and open more while talking to anyone. Everyone likes talking about themselves and some may be in a deep need to talk about their problems so it may help more than you think. But as this doesn't help... You have to make her talk to you honesty about this problem. Whatever it is, things can't get worse by just talking and revealing feelings. It can only get better from there so that's my advice this time.

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  • KeepsakeDoll
    9 years ago

    Some people just lose their sex drive over time.

    Some couples can be very sexual at the beginning, but that sometimes gets toned down the longer they stay together.

    If it's really a bother for you, try to talk to her about it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I did try talking to her. I always confront her about issues or concerns before seeking help elsewhere. In the past it's always been the same reply. "It's boring to me. I don't feel like it." I cant get any context out her. The moment it even vaguely comes up she shuts off and it feels like she doesn't care.

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  • TimmyTheTurtle
    9 years ago

    the concern part is where you lost me... too many words for my little turtle head.

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  • CloverFish
    9 years ago

    You might be focusing too much on her feet. I was in a long distance relationship once with someone who also had the same fetish, but they focused so much on my feet I felt they didn't even care for the rest of me. I felt alienated from my own feet because of that, and I started to cringe anytime they asked to have photos and whatnot.

    My advice is to not ask for a long, long time. You may feel like you desperately need it, but show her you care for HER, not just her feet. After some time, you'll feel close to each other again, but I would go to extreme measures to make her feel like you love her, not just a part of her. Make sure she doesn't feel used.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I do love the rest of her. she has a gorgeous body and personality and I always thought I reassured her of that often. But ill try a little harder I guess. I just always ask for the feet because I think sending nudes and such can be a little risky.

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      • Curiousme1981
        7 years ago

        Nude pics are never risky...send away make each other happy..Have fun I had the most fun this way.

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