Lack of intimacy in my marriage

Ok, I've read the same issues here that I am currently going through. I've been married for 31 years, raised two children, both in the ministry, have been the bread winner, and my wife was a stay at home mom. she has been and is the love of my life. Never an insult, or embarrassing remark, never criticizing her but spent a lot of time exhorting, encouraging, complimenting her, boasting to others about her, doing spontaneous things together with and without our children. Loving her to the hilt. She started working outside the home 11 years ago. I have always been the go to person for her and my kids. I owned our own business for 40 years. She and the kids would travel and do things on their own and with me. My son and I were in an accident in 2008. In May of 2008 our daughter got married to a fine young man, our son graduated in June of 2008 and her mother died in January of 2008. That's when things changed. After the kids were gone, things began to change. she wanted more space and began to do things without me and wanted to go places without me. She became distant and far removed from our marriage. No touching, no hugging, no intimacy, no more love you, and the smiles were gone. It has only gotten worse. So it has been a long dry spell. We went to counciling, talked to Pastors, she wanted to leave and our kids, talked to her and she stayed but may as well have left. It has been 7 years of affectionless existence. It is like sharing a bed with a room mate. I have been extremely lonely, unfulfilled, and lacking companionship with the woman I love. the main thing that keeps me going is remembering what it was like prior to her departure from our relationship. Our marriage vows mean everything to me, but she questions their meaning now? I, now, am beginning to think about moving on. I am, and have always been a romantic and love exhorting my family and people. I am beginning to feel like a complete and total failure believing a lie, that I thought was truth. I always thought we had a one of a kind marriage and relationship like no other. Now i feel like refuge or a piece of disposable rubbish.