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I find it really hard to ask my fiance new things i want to try in the bedroom. My ex was very closed minded and made me feel like a freak for the simplest of things.. So now I have someone who is pretty open minded and I find it very difficult to even suggest something new. Is this normal, or is there anything I can do to get over this?
It sounds childish, but you could always pass her a note suggesting something.
I think that if you are with someone who is pretty open-minded, it is quite likely that your suggestions will be welcome and you will make your partner happy that you want to try new things sexually. If you don't ask, you risk that your partner will be reluctant to ask new things that they would like to try because they can think that you are much less open-minded sexually than they are since you never ask for anything spicy. Maybe you even want the same things and even if not, you can at least fulfill each other's sexual fantasies and reduce the risk that some of you may look for some other outlets to fulfill the secret sexual desires.
There are ways of doing it without making yourself vulnerable. For instance, you could watch porn together depicting things you want to try and then say, "Hey! What do you think of that?"
Or you could just be increasingly open about the things you want to do, which is the route I often take. Although I know what you mean. When I've suggested things and there's been a shocked look followed by silence, it made me think she was never going to forget I asked and would always judge me as a weirdo or something.
you can just ask... whats the worst thing? best case scneario is tyour finace wanting what you want, worst is her/him saying no
ask her if she would like to try something different,suggest small chages first,you never know ,maybe she is as shy about it as you ,watch some vids together ,
Yes it's normal considering your past experience but my advice for what it's worth, throw caution to the wind and have a go at everything....you won't know if you like it if you don't try it...if you're shy just tell him to go for it and take charge, I bet you get a thrill or three that way ;)
I had a gf who liked to film all our sex acts and watch them back, when we broke up an I got a new gf she freaked when I suggested we film each other, it's just a matter of opinion, if she is open minded maybe make it into a game she can list all her fantasies you list yours and maybe you can make a fun way of choosing who's fantasy to act out
I have had to ask about the porn thing lol. And to add on.. He has no sexual fantasies. None. He is pretty open about things but has told me he has never had a sexual fantasy, but he does't mind acting out mine. I just have this fear to tell him.
If you want to reduce the fear, you might try mentioning some of those activities first in a "theoretical" or "less personal" conversation.
I mean trying to see what he thinks about those things in general. For example, when you talk about something or someone or some topics related to sex, it might be worth mentioning a few of those things just to check it out whether he will not express any extremely negative feelings, if he does not express negative attitude to it when discussing it in general (not as your personal fantasy), then it might encourage you to mention something similar on a more personal level.
But of course it depends on what fantasies we are talking about (it might be different to speak about oral sex or using soft handcuffs which is quite common or gangbanging a nun which might require a more sophisticated approach:)