It is normal to want to seek out straight cross dressers

I am a women that has a fetish. I have been with cross dressers off and on most of my life. I am now 41 and broke up two months ago with a mean verbally man that was a bi cross dresser. He told me that was the only way we was to have sex was him as a women. He did not want touch me I was not of right parts for him and reminded him he was with a women. He wanted a penis. So my needs did not really get met. If he tried a bit, I felt bad because he mad it known it was like a pity sex. He did not really want sex like I did. I was with him two years and the first 6 months was great. Then he decided he did not want to be my man in sex and me his women. For 6 months or more I did not get touched like a women should. I was so sad and loved him so much. I did not believe in cheating, so I worked hard at it. I could not cheat. Now that he is gone, I find my self wanting more then ever a tall, strong femme dressing in private to be turned on more. I want them to be straight and have bedroom fun. I think I want this to still be a part of my life, but most men would not get into it even if they did that for me. I don't want to do to men like I was done. Having them just wanting sex even if they have to put on panties to get it being that they are my boyfriend. I am not into women at all. So that is not some thing I would do. It is some thing about men that are so sexy like that to me. I would like them to be dress as a man too when having sex. It is nice having a strong man know how to make you feel like a women. And to have a femme man be taking by me in panties and outfits. I just have a hard time getting into sex with out men dressed as women now more then ever.