It’s not normal i need help

15 Comments

Hey guys I’m in need of urgent advise please .

Long story short I converted to Islam about 2 years ago because I wanted to be with this guy and then we got married so we could move in together . Biggest mistake of my entire life because I quickly learnt what he was about . My parents and family don’t know that I’m married ( extremely dumb I know ) because they would disagree with getting married before moving in and it makes complete sense but I was in a bad place at the time and scared because so much in my life was changing very quickly and I wanted something , anything to hold on to. So although I was honestly never ready to take the next step we got married and moved in after I was done with uni. I quickly learnt that he had some sort of anger problem , jealous, possessive , controlling and abusive . He would get angry if I’d speak with my parents ( Skype because they reside abroad ) or sister , make plans to meet up with my best friend ( female ) or even went on my phone to reply my messages etc... we would end up arguing and sometimes it would end in physical harm if he didn’t get his way . I never left because I’m dumb yet again . I’ve put it off every time. Anyway moving forward things have been up and down since we got married and The worst part of this is that because my parents don’t live here they try to come and visit me as often as possible and when they do he ends up arguing with me about space and I’m always caught in the middle with him and my family trying to keep everyone happy etc . That’s the biggest deal breaker for me despite the fact I’m Keeping the biggest secret from them .
Further on... 2 years later I have fallen pregnant and now a mom to a 3 week old baby girl . It has hit me ( finally ) that I need to make a bloody run for the road because this man is never going to change in terms of his abusive and angry behaviour , he’s never going to be supportive of anything ans will always want things his way or will
Make a huge fuss till I give in as I always have .

I hope I have given enough details about my situation in exchange for some advise and clarity .

I need to get out of this marriage ASAP ... and even though I would like to do so
In a decent a proper manner I don’t feel like he will take me seriously , he will tell
Me to stop being dramatic and want to make up. I don’t want to just pack up and leave with the baby either because I feel that that’s really
Mean .. so I’m stuck . I’m very set on leaving ... because I know it’s not going to work . It just isn’t with the way he thinks and behaves . Most importantly I have to protect my daughter now ... and seeing that he has raged and hurt me
Physically ( grabbed my arm and dug his nails into my skin ) it may sound stupid or juvenile to some but to me if he’s capable of acting this way especially after I’ve given birth and has raged in the bedroom while my mum has been here to help me out for 3 weeks ( which btw he’s making the biggest fuss over and whjchbis why it apparently makes him extremely upset ) then I’m not willing to make this work anymore .

There’s so much more to this but this this is the gist of everything .

I need to know what steps I should take at this point , please . Thank you in advance for all your advise .

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Comments ( 15 )
  • Clunk42
    4 years ago

    That's Islam for you. You should have read up on your religious texts first.

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    • RoseIsabella
      4 years ago

      Um hmm.

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  • Tyler_J
    4 years ago

    Why the fuck would you convert to ISIS I mean Islam

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  • lordofopinions
    4 years ago

    In Islam a woman is a second class citizen. You should get out NOW! Muslim men are well known for abusing their women. Get out and go to a shelter. They have shelters for women with babies so pack up and LEAVE!!!

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  • leggs91200
    4 years ago

    Why do some women uproot their entire lives and leave behind their cultural upbringing to be with some man who is from a completely different background? Are they THAT turned on by it? Is it kind of like when a desperate lonely man tries to mail-order some Filipino bitch to be his wife?

    Islams and other culture's men are not like American men who will put up with endless bullshit. They do not beg for love or a piece of ass once in a while from their wives, unlike American men. These camel jockeys mean business when it comes to treating their women like property.

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  • raisinbran
    4 years ago

    When you convert to Islam as a woman, you sign up for abuse. Did no one explain this to you?

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  • windyleave
    4 years ago

    You need to get away! Go yo your parents! Tell them the truth and if they love you they will help you no matter what. You'll deal with the divorce, the trial, etc later. Your security and happiness is always FIRST!! I really hope everything goes well and you get away from that man.

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  • MrToxic
    4 years ago

    Moral of the story is, you NEED to get away from him. Even if that means dropping everything and only taking what you can carry. You and your little girl matter most. Reach out to your family if you feel they can protect you from him. Lie to the guy about where you're going if necessary or say someone passed away and you're going to the funeral for a day and break things off at a distance. When someone gets physically violent once, it's going to happen again. Take precautions miss.

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  • xxLucifer
    4 years ago

    If you live in America what you need to do is;

    First explain the situation to your family, they need to know what is going on and hopefully they can give you assistance at least financially so you aren't left with nothing.

    Secondly I would suggest you contact social services. You have a child and social services should be able to help you get the help you need so your child doesn't suffer in a toxic environment.

    Thirdly You should start filing for divorce as soon as possible. Since you have a child you will probably need a lawyer so you can gain custody and probably force your spouse to support you monetarily. Lawyers can be fairly expensive, but in the situation you're in you should be able to find a decent one willing to do it for free, just look up "pro bono divorce lawyers".

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    Call a women's shelter ASAP! Also, I'm sorry, but you need to come clean with your folks.

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  • XYXY
    4 years ago

    What you need to do next depends very much on what country you’re in?

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  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    Tell your parents. Maybe take a 'holiday' to their country if you can, to prepare yourself mentally for what's ahead and surround yourself with support. Contact a domestic violence organisation and get legal/practical advice from them about how to conduct the divorce. They might give you and your daughter a place to stay in the meantime. Then divorce, get a flight to your parents' country with your little girl and stay with them until you know what you're doing next. That's what I'd do.

    Here is a very pragmatic how-to page I think I've read on this before:
    https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.wikihow.com/Leave-an-Abusive-Spouse%3famp=1

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  • JustJazzin
    4 years ago

    I understand this situation all too well. I know you feel stuck, and I definitely know you’re in a situation where you feel as though you can’t get away from someone so controlling and abusive. The positive side to this is that you can get away. Foreign men like this are extremely manipulative, possessive and controlling but you need to take matters into your own hands, standing up for yourself and child and getting away from him as soon as possible. Documenting when you were harmed in any way is also a good idea and don’t be afraid to tell people. Tell everyone you can. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed anymore. You sometimes have to swallow your pride and ask for help, as difficult as that may be. I’ve been in a situation like this before, and it’s awful. Especially with a spouse who is absolutely controlling and doesn’t believe in separation. These type of people pry on those who may have lower self esteem. Be strong. You will thank yourself later and so will your child when they grow up to understand the situations you were in. The good thing is, if you do have proof of being abused, you could gain full custody of your child. The hardest thing you will face is getting away from the abusive stubborn and possessive man that has put you in this situation. I’m hoping your family can help you somehow. Though you may feel embarrassed or ashamed to face anyone with this dilemma, at the end of the day, they’re family and will help you. First, you have to stand your ground and help yourself. No one will push you out of this predicament but you. I wish you luck. Don’t continue living this way. No good person deserves a lifetime of abuse.

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  • DestroShinigani
    4 years ago

    id take pictures of your injuries and divorce him, showing the wounds so you could get higher custody over the daughter, and maybe even put him in jail for some kind of assault.

    edit: if your parents find out as well let them get involved

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  • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
    4 years ago

    sorry. Can you move to your parents for now?

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