Isolating myself for about a year and a half now. is it normal?
Well, it all started in my first year of college. I started getting anxiety around people to the point of locking myself in the campus bathroom. I felt like I was going to be harmed in some way. Then a couple months later in April of 2008 my dad got murdered. This pretty much screwed me up real good. I would probably be 80% if this didnt happen. I say this because I made the stupid choice of joining the Navy the a year later in 2009 in the month of May.
The Navy was a month of hell. The worst paranoia, panic attacks, anxiety, self destructive I have ever felt. No one was there for me. I had no one and it was terrible stuff. I was desperate for release of this and cried almost daily at night hiding in the showers and keeping it quiet so I wouldnt get caught doing so. This experienced traumatized me so much so, that after it I was and am not positive as I used to be. I took up the bass guitar and got on dissability for cash. All my friends are gone in different cities, I have no support, no friends, no nothing but my family. The point is, now I live with my Grandfather and my mother and my brother. Every day for about a year now I have stayed in my room pretty much 24 hours a day. I dont know what to do and have no drive to get work. I like music but honestly I feel fucked. Anyways, any advice whatever is welcomed.