Isit normal to have the feelings i do about my mom? what would u do?

i'm 18, just turned 18, and unlike every other male on this planet I dont go through girls like water, I am very specific, and look for certain qualities. I am not around for the hit and run, as most guys. I just want a lady to call mine, and we can be committed to one another, so anyways-getting of track.
My mom, is exactly my dream woman, I know it sounds really weird, and iv yet to tell anyone about this, apart from my best mate, and he looked at me like i was scum of the earth,
My mom is like a best mate to me, she does almost everything for me, she loves me, and when I see her and my dad together, he always tells me how different she was from the flock of girls he could've chosen. and I really do believe him. she;s funny, feisty and very intelligent. understanding, thoughtful and gorgeous. she;s everything I would want my girlfriend to be.
And as much as I love my dad, he;s a great guy, I hate the fact that he loves her so much, and i get jealous at times when they are together. but I know they are absolutely perfect together, married, with 3 kids and a pet dog. :D
and well, i've always stuck to my mom, whereas my 2 sisters stick to my dad, my parents says it just happened, and i'm not dependant on her, far from it. I always, even though I dont have to try to prove myself to her. The girls I have dated also, which I have brought home, she loves them, and is so shocked when I break up with them, when she asks why, I just say it didn't workout. but the truth is, they just aren't like her, they have qualities like her, but when it comes down to it, they can never be her.
so uhm... a few days ago, 4 to be specific, mom and dad got into some kind of row, and I found her sitting on top of the stairs, just crying, she;s always so strong, so i was saddened and indignant at the same time. we could always speak to each other but she was very adamant not tell me this time, so I thought it was very personal and wanted her to have her space. so we just spoke lightly of things, and she laughed and seem to cheer up a bit. then out of nowhere, I had this rush of....of
something, I couldn't explain it. And I took her by the arm, drew her close to me and kissed her. it was such a rush of euphoria and it felt so right, like, this is what kissing someone should feel like, which is not what I felt for my other girlfriends.
My mother of course, didn't kiss me back, she stood there, dumbfounded,and lost. immediately I felt a pang of regret, and my pride hurt. I left the house that day and decided to have some time for myself. I saw her once since the incident, and she literally looked through me, as if she didn't know who I was. I knew it was wrong, from her point at least, but I still want her. but I am ashamed, and simply haven't the courage and cannot stomach any more disappointment.
what should I do? my best mate, frowned upon it, and I doubt he will want to speak of the event again, and mom seems lost. And im struggling, im so confused......