Is what my mom did normal?

12% Normal
40 Comments

Through part of my childhood (3-7 yo) I was sexually abused (never raped though) by a guy who worked for my mom. He fixed things. Whenever something in the house broke down he went there to fix it. He was almost like a friend of the family, he played with my brothers, etc. But he touched me in inappropriate ways. One day I remember I realized what he did was not right. I tried telling my aunt by I remember she told me not to tell lies. Then I tried telling my brother and he just said "he probably just gave you a hug and you're overreacting". Then one day I told my mom and she took my seriously. But what did she do? Nothing. She just told me to stay away from him. She didn't fire him! She didn't even say anything to him. Now I'm not a kid anymore so I know he wouldn't dare touching me. My mom apparently knows that too because she has him come to the house regularly. This is disgusting to me but I've never complained because it's too embarrassing. Today she saw me wearing a skirt and just said "Just so you know ___ is coming today". I didn't say anything but that made me really mad. Shouldn't she have just sent him to hell and told him to never come back or even look at me again!? He's not even part of the family or a friend! Just a guy who works for her!! I don't know I'm just mad I have to still see this perv constantly and act like nothing's wrong.

Voting Results
12% Normal
Based on 170 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 40 )
  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago | pl

    That's fucked up. I would have put him through the wood chipper.

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  • Charmo
    11 years ago | pl

    "Shouldn't she have just sent him to hell"
    Your mom is the Grim Reaper?

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  • disthing
    11 years ago

    Clearly your mother didn't take you seriously after all.

    The least she could do is respect your feelings and never invite him around again. The most she could do is actually help you report it to the police.

    In fact you should do this yourself, regardless of what your mother thinks. He may well have abused other kids or go on to abuse other kids. Victims staying silent, although often for entirely understandable reasons, mean the abuser can go on to abuse other people unimpeded. So I recommend you tell the police.

    At least tell your mother how horrible it is that she still invites him round, that you're upset by this, and that you don't want to see him again. INSIST.

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    • Gravy
      11 years ago

      I am no expert in law, but isn't the mother an accessory knowingly, perhaps aiding the culprit by ignoring her child and continuing to invite thereby allowing a sex crime to take place against a minor in her house?

      "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

      I know 2 boys that went through +10 of terrible violence because good people, bush nurses, police, doctors, School of the Air teachers, priests and nuns. I hold them all responsible for being cowards.

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      • disthing
        11 years ago

        I am also no expert in law (especially not US law), but I doubt she'd be considered an accessory, in so much as she didn't directly assist the abuser, nor did she cover-up the crime. I don't think not reporting a crime is itself a crime in most countries - in this case it's merely indicative of a bad mother.

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        • A-Hor
          11 years ago

          Actually that's not true. In the U.S. it is a felony for a parent to know that there child is being sexually abused and to not report it. Both the offender and mother would be put on the sex-offender registry, pending the court cases, plea bargains, etc. If the offender is found guilty and convicted, even if the mother claims that she never knew what was going on, she would still have to plead her case in court, because she could still be charged with child abandonment and child endangerment, especially in cases where abuse had been happening over a long period of time, under the same roof.

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          • disthing
            11 years ago

            But is it a felony to not report abuse if you are only aware of the abuse years after it has happened, and it is no longer happening?

            I'm sure she would be questioned if her daughter came forward and made these claims, but her daughter knew that her mother was unaware of the abuse, so that supports the mother's claim of ignorance. I'm not convinced she'd actually be placed on a sex-offender registry.

            But as I say, I'm no expert in law so I don't know. I can see how she could be charged with child endangerment considering she still invites the guy over to the house, though, despite the knowledge he abused her daughter.

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            • A-Hor
              11 years ago

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvYZ3ekRZeg

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        • wigsplitz
          11 years ago

          Corruption of a minor, conspiracy, facilitation

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          • disthing
            11 years ago

            Conspiracy - no: "Conspiracy has been defined in the US as an agreement of two or more people to commit a crime".

            Corruption of a minor - no: "The offense of engaging in sexual intercourse or other sexual activity with a person who is not one’s spouse and who is under the age of consent or another age set by statute" ... also "to assist or encourage a minor to commit an offense".

            Facilitation - no: "1. A person is guilty of criminal facilitation if he knowingly provides substantial assistance to a person intending to commit a felony and that person, in fact, commits the crime contemplated, or a like or related felony, employing the assistance so provided."

            The mother was unaware of the abuse when the abuser was committing the offence, and does not appear to be assisting in any further abuse. So I don't see how the 3 charges you mentioned are those the mother is guilty of.

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            • wigsplitz
              11 years ago

              There's insufficient details to determine exactly what criminal acts occurred in total. Those are just potential things that MANY abusers, accomplices and aiders/abettors ARE charged with.

              -The OP didn't say how long the abuse went on after she told.

              -The mom not only didn't do anything but still let him in the home.

              -The mom *could* have been involved. This is very common.

              Anyway there's not enough information here to say definitively so there's no point in arguing over it.

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  • Gravy
    11 years ago

    both your mother and the perpetrator should be charged. And it probably is not too late.

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  • Jeaneathean
    11 years ago

    Have you considered reporting this to the police?

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  • johnsonj121698
    11 years ago

    1. I'm sorry something like that had to happen to you.
    & 2. Your mom put you in a rough place and still is. No mother or parent for that matter ever put any man before there child.

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  • GirlChildAdvocate
    11 years ago

    TXLSA: Spoken like a true predator. I can't help but wonder how many little girls have "teased" you or "dressed provocatively" in your presence, to the point that you felt justified in molesting them. Evil!!

    Anonymous: I'm so glad to hear that your mother has finally figured it out. This is a major development, but not the end of it. I strongly recommend that you find a good, encouraging counselor and that you insist that your mother goes with you. You need to heal, and you will heal best if your mom sticks with you through the process.

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  • littlepanda
    11 years ago

    NOT normal. If I had a kid and someone-whoever it is- dares abusing him, I would kill him.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Damn I am really sorry that's horrible. Unfortunately the statute of limitations prevents the police from being able to do anything...but if he does this to other kids then there is a chance that reporting him could get him caught doing it to another kid and you could end his reign of terror. Seems like that could give you a little bit of closure...but I dont know, I haven't been through this.

    But regardless, your mom is a terrible parent. Confront her. And if you feel that the only way to get closure is to kill him, nobody would blame you. But I would not recommend attacking him unless you are prepared to kill him, otherwise there could be a horrible, horrible shitstorm coming your way when he recovers.

    Sorry, thats awful advice. You will definitely go to jail or bring other horrible things upon yourself and your family if you try to attack him, and you don't deserve that after everything that has happened to you.

    Remember that he is scum, what he did to you does not define you, it defines him...as a piece of shit. However, your family has a responsibility to respect your word and protect you...thats the real issue. Confront your mother and make her take responsibility for her role in allowing this to happen to her child. Demand that he never be around your house, and make it clear that you will do everything in your power to never see him again. Even if that means alienating yourself from your mom.

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    • wigsplitz
      11 years ago

      The statute of limitations depends on where she lives and how old she is, neither of which is known. She could be well within the guidelines.

      You give awful advice.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        She said she's not a kid anymore. In most places, after 2 years following the crime, the suspect can no longer be convicted. I doubt a 9-10 year old is writing this. Besides I encouraged that she do it anyway for the chance of him being convicted of having recently done similar things to other children.

        Maybe she lives in a place where child molestation is considered a crime so heinous that it transcends the statute of limitations. Or the maybe where she lives the statute of limitations is really long. In that case I stand corrected, but I dont regret what I said. Most likely, the statute of limitations will prevent a conviction, but it is still worth going to the police.

        I said no one would blame her if she felt like she wanted to kill him, but that notwithstanding it would be a terrible idea.

        Besides everything, moving forward from something like that is ultimately just accepting what happened and refusing to let it define you. Which I also said. But thanks for your input, I bet your comment will have better advice so we can all take notes.

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        • wigsplitz
          11 years ago

          You're wrong. You couldn't be MORE wrong. First of all, the statute of limitations is different for every state. Many states have NO statute of limitations for child molestation.

          As a general rule, if a state has a statute of limitations it doesn't start ticking until the minor victim turns either 18 or 21. Some states have an age limit, I know of 1 and the age is 31. Of those that have statutes, they're average at least 5 years AFTER victim turns 18 and some are 20, 30 years.

          I mean, common sense...dude, you expect a 3 yr old to understand and know that she only has 2 years to report the molestation? Get a clue.

          Anyway I think she's more upset about being betrayed by her mom than anything.

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    • Justsomejerk
      11 years ago

      Some of your advise is actually pretty good.

      I think the OP should give her mum an ultimatum that he either be banned from attending the premises or she will go to the police.

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  • jessicatdg1rl
    11 years ago

    That's messed up. You should do something about this.

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  • yourcompanion
    11 years ago

    Methinks that your mother has 'vested interests' in said sexual abuser.

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  • redoctober
    11 years ago

    Post his pictures on the net and tell your story. Trust me, he'll be dead in a week.

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  • M0nkey7
    11 years ago

    My life is well screwed up my half cosine touch in a place an try to song me I need up breaking his arm and I was 4 and he was 13 so no one messes with me

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  • timisagodamongmen
    11 years ago

    its not normal i meant to put that but i accidently clicked it is sorry

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago

    Update: The day after writing this I told my mom how I felt. I said "mom, why is he still coming here? I don't want him to come anymore, if that's possible". At first she played dumb and asked if this was for a particular reason. I said "you remember what I told you when I was a kid" and then I broke down crying. That's when it hit her. She was shocked and told me she never thought it had affected me so strongly. I said "how couldn't it affect me, are you kidding me?" and left. She left too but then she came back crying and saying she was sorry, that she couldn't believe how stupid she had been. Then she left and came back again. This time she said she wanted to make things up for me (she talked about travelling together, no clue how that may fix things but oh well). Anyway the good thing is she apologized, and she fired the guy. Of course he still finished his last day at my house so I still had to see him for a whole day but I guess now I'm finally free of him for good. Thanks for all the replies guys, you're very supportive and it really means a lot.

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  • ellahahah
    11 years ago

    I meant to vote no!!!!

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  • thetalentless
    11 years ago

    I feel so sorry o.o...

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  • Ipooprainbows
    11 years ago

    You may not want to hear this, but maybe your mum had a part to play in it, this is ONLY a "maybe". That's all I can think of as if she didn't have a part to play then she certainly would be a "real" mother and get rid of him if she cared.

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  • SangoNyappy
    11 years ago

    No your mom should've fired him or report him to police.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    You need to take legal action against the both of them. Your mom for not putting her foot down and continuing to allow this man to have access to you and the man for sexually abusing you.

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  • lufa
    11 years ago

    Tell the cops, I'm sure they'll do something about it. Your mom should've not only fired his ass but reported him to the police immediately.

    Maybe your mom is fucking that loser. Either way, I wouldn't let him get away with it.

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  • Phycokitty
    11 years ago

    It happens my step father had started raping me at 13 i was in and out of mental hospitals for suicides self mutilation i wanted to be ugly i was also molested as a child 4-7 by my uncle and father none of these men were charged and i finaly told my mom when i was 18 and she kicked me out and stayd with him

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  • AbnormallyAwesome
    11 years ago

    I understand you can't talk to the perv about it, but have you tried talking to your mom? Have you asked her not to invite that guy again or anything to make her justify her behaviour?

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  • PapzBSlim
    11 years ago

    She definitely should have fired him immediately but I do understand she does not have the power to send him to hell. You should ask your mother why she would risk him still coming over and trying to touch or rape you?

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  • konj
    11 years ago

    it happens that way with child molestation some times, I don't know if it extremely rare but it fucked up tell the cops, tell everyone you know

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  • TXLSA1
    11 years ago

    Maybe you teased him and that's why he touch you. Or dressed sexy in front of him for that purpose. He didn't pay enough attention to you and that's why you accused him but your family knows him well enough to know that you made the whole thing up!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I must ask... do you know how to read?

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    • CreamPuffs
      7 years ago

      Uh... No. I don't think you know how stuff like this works. Did you read the part where he or she was 3 to seven years old??

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